Author

Venetia

Depressed. Social anxiety. Disgusting IBS. Poor dental hygiene.

courage and the world

by Venetia 8/6/2012

written by Venetia

so i’ve heard that there are good people in the world. and i have this stepfather who is generally an angel. but he’s, i would suppose, human. human in that-

somewhere, deep down, when nobody’s looking, people are petty, blind, stupid, immature, ingenuine, farcical, prejudiced, lying, selfish, ungrateful, sex-driven, etc. in some way

and i just can’t stand being surrounded by all of it. for some reason i suspect everybody of having these ugly sides. i’m all of the above too. and for some reason i just can’t stand that this is the world we live in. i usually ignore it but today it just drove me […]

8/6/2012 1 comment

Guilt? …

by Venetia 6/2/2012

written by Venetia

On one hand I’m hopeless and wish that I could have the courage to die. I tried it once but I chickened out at the end, childish as I am. Still, I believe everybody has the right to do with their life as they please, for any reason they please, including ending it.

On the other hand, I sort of feel guilty for wanting to die. I think I might have first-world problems, and it could always be worse, like having third-world problems of dirty water/no food/etc. or quadriplegia/no arms, and there are always those quotes that tell you “life is what you make of it”, […]

6/2/2012 2 comments

by Venetia 8/28/2011

written by Venetia

i feel trapped and i wanna check out. it feels like some people are meant to be happy and some people are meant to suffer. not everybody can be normal, sometimes youre born on the wrong side of the coin. my parents think its all in my head & im just a spoiled brat to just end it all and waste the money they spent on me. if i fail & its evident theyll stick me in the mental chapter of some nearby hospital and then apparently ill be GLAD to see the sight of home. what makes certified, licensed doctors think that mental hospitals […]

8/28/2011 2 comments

by Venetia 8/26/2011

written by Venetia

i wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up. i hate failing when trying to commit suicide. tried it with a belt just now but for some reason I wasn’t even suffocating, it just felt like a massive headache and i was breathing regularly. maybe when i get a driver’s license i can buy some sleeping pills or something, i don’t know. i don’t want tonight to end and i don’t want to face tomorrow. school’s such a shitty place.

8/26/2011 2 comments

chicken & dunno what to do

by Venetia 7/6/2011

written by Venetia

I’m 17 and graduated from high school. I have IBS (leaky gas; stinks up a room in 10 minutes) and selective mutism. One makes everybody double over coughing. Another makes me a creep because I don’t show any expressions, laugh, say more than monotone Yes/No, and don’t talk. When I am in public, I have panic attacks; the way I walk (some people thought me retarded- and I have no leg/bone defects), my ground-staring, my teeth (jagged/multiple cavities each) and the smell.

My mother is delusional and denies I have mental issues. My stepfather thinks it’s all in my head.

I’ve tried to fix things. But no […]

7/6/2011 3 comments