Although I’m still close to it, I left to her being a *****, came back to the same thing… so merh.
I’ma head to bed soon.
Long day.
Goodnight.
So, mood drop. Woo….
My nephew punched my little brother -like they always play around, and my brother punched back – again, as they always play.
But this time my nephew was being whiny because his mom is here. And she’s starting shit, woo!
I’m so close, to fucking stabbing her. I’m sick of this shit, so fucking sick… She calls us bad people?
She was outside yelling at my brother about how we ALWAYS abuse her children, and her daughter was sitting at the table with my dad and I LAUGHING HER ASS OFF
“I think she’s got it backwards,” her daughter told us. “She’s the one who beats […]
I’ve been feeling like shit really for the past few months, and my friend called and asked if I wanted to hang out. Of course I said yes…
This morning started out normal for a Sunday morning (in my house at least) my older brother and his wife arguing, my older brother being a total dick… But I’m feeling a bit better, and I’m surprised that I haven’t cried yet. (it’s only 10AM so knock on wood)
I think… it really does make a difference having someone who actually cares around, sure my parents care but then again they let my demons follow me- and won’t let […]
Now I take a pill to help me sleep… I pray my thoughts, away; they keep me up all night, worse than the nightmares I fight I just want to rest. Please, just one night.
And as I drift, into the dark… My fingers numbing, my mind’s light just only a spark… I’ll rest easy tonight, because this kind of sleep… It makes me free.
(I’m under the effect of sleeping pills at the moment -ONLY the dosage my doctor told me to use when I feel restless- and this came to mind, sorry if it sounds stupid, I think I’m about to pass out)
So, I uhm.. fucked up, with a group of friends…
I was chatting with one, and he asked why I was upset. I tried to avoid the topic, I fucking did, but he kept pushing so I finally told him about my depression and how I’m sick and fucking tired of living with it.
He told me “I have no idea what that’s like, but it seems to me that the only way to end it is to be selfish and just end it.”
After he told me that, I just went silent… I went to our friend, and… I told her what he said while I was […]
On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don’t wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found
I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump
You open your eyes
But you can’t remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can’t […]
I may just be a dumb teenager, but, right now I’m hurting so bad… It may seem silly, the reason…
I liked someone since I was fourteen, well I was with him… for a year and then some, Christmas 2013 he ripped my heart out… well, yesterday was his birthday… And memories are still making it hard for me to breathe. Why does it still hurt so bad after a year? shouldn’t I be over this or something??? Everyone said that as a teenager I’d get over it in a couple months, but that couple months turned into a year… and I’m sick of it. I […]
So far today I’ve almost beat the hell out of my *****-in-law…
Then they left to do things.
They came back with alcohol… wonderful…
So, I guess the wait for an argument to start is underway.
Let’s hope this doesn’t get nasty.
They come at night, to pull me in… I try to scream, but for some reason I can’t.
The sun goes down, there is no sound, I fight but now there is no one around.
Help me please, I can’t do this alone.
But help won’t come, and if they do; by then it’ll be too late
Because, well… I guess I just couldn’t stand the wait.
Hi. It’s me again…
It’s been a few months… I’m officially sixteen woo! (anyone else sense sarcasm there?)
I found myself thinking of this place last night, while trying to force myself to sleep some so I thought “Hey, why not?” y’know? So, here I am again.
A lot has happened since last time I logged in, and I know I always seem to say that when I post, but it’s true.
I don’t know exactly how I feel about it, honestly.
So, if I didn’t mention it in my last post, my older brother and his family moved in with us, since they needed a “new” start… It was […]
Wow, that’s about all I can say. It’s hard to believe I was about fourteen the last time I logged onto this.
I’m almost sixteen now. It’s scary how much can change even when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, its terrifying honestly.
My childhood friend is getting married, my other ‘friends’ don’t even speak to me, and I honestly feel worse than I have in forever. My parents found out about everything going on with me, and they think everything is better now, that it just disappeared because the doctors said I was better.
I’m scared… I’m terrified of life, and I don’t know how […]
You must’ve a been in a place so dark, couldn’t feel the light
Reachin’ for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd
Oh why, that’s what I keep askin’
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I, had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong, and why you’d leave the stage in the middle of a song
Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin’ third to score that winning run
You […]
My mouth is as dry as the pavement in July.
Hair soaking wet fist clinched at my sides
somehow I know this is going to end in a fight.
She takes the first swing a shot at my pride.
If there’s one thing I know I’ve got to survive.
I have to tell this story I cant simply let it be!
And let it fade away lost with apart of me.
I won’t yell for help even though I know i should.
Because if I did I’d be misunderstood.
See this wouldn’t be easy to explain.
Why do I stand alone in the rain?
The answer is simple and hard to hide.
Because the person I fight
Lies […]
I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain’t no healing
From cuttin’ yourself with the jagged edge
I’m tellin’ you that it’s never that bad
And take it from someone who’s been where your at
You’re laid out on the floor and you’re not sure
You can take this anymore
So just give it one more try
With a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I’m reachin’ out to let you know
That you’re not alone
And you can’t tell, I’m scared as hell
‘Cause I can’t get you on the telephone
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