Hi. It’s me again…
It’s been a few months… I’m officially sixteen woo! (anyone else sense sarcasm there?)
I found myself thinking of this place last night, while trying to force myself to sleep some so I thought “Hey, why not?” y’know? So, here I am again.
A lot has happened since last time I logged in, and I know I always seem to say that when I post, but it’s true.
I don’t know exactly how I feel about it, honestly.
So, if I didn’t mention it in my last post, my older brother and his family moved in with us, since they needed a “new” start… It was okay for like a week, but then it got pretty bad again. At least we managed to keep from getting into an argument (thanks to my awesome hiding skills) for a month or two.
The first argument left I think three holes in the wall and me with a minor concussion. Sad to say, but that’s not the worst I’ve ever received from an argument with my brother… I don’t even know what it was about honestly, except I heard him screaming about me and got scared and locked my door, and then he told my parents “If she’s not going to come out on her own I’ll drag her out” and he kicked my door in right before I could get out my window.
The next one started on new years eve, ended on new years day… Him and his wife got drunk, and I was really upset and having anxiety attacks because of the whole “new year!” thing, it scares me with every year that passes and my parents understand this. At 11:59PM my brother started in on me about my insecurities, about my depression, about every little thing I’ve ever done wrong- every flaw and I started crying and apologizing, my mom tried to get me to stop but I honestly couldn’t, it got to the point I couldn’t breathe from crying. So his wife *cough cough*******cough* threatened to post how I was acting on facebook, telling everyone that I’m just a suicidal little fucked up girl and whatever else she had said and then she went to her room with her phone. My mom screamed at her, so did my brother at that point because last time she said anything like that about me on facebook her “friends” threatened to hurt me, and then a few of them sent messages telling me to just off myself- I almost did- and just the thought of getting so much hate from people who have never met me before sent me over the edge, by this time it was 1AM and I had just spent the first hour of my new year crying (nothing new about that though) After I couldn’t cry anymore my brothers wife came into the kitchen and got in my face, screaming about something I had posted on facebook… It was a joke I had posted because her daughters thought it would be funny if I posted it- it said
To whom it may concern,
If I continue to find mushy nasty-ness in the sink when I go to wash dishes I will fill your shampoo bottle with it and dip your tooth brush in it.
You have been warned
lol
She left a huge paragraph, insulting me, telling me I was a two-faced *****, telling me how stupid and fucked up I was, telling me how worthless I was. and that it’s “not like you do the dishes anyways” – uhm I work my ass off around the house- But that’s another story. So, after she tried to attack me when I called it out as a joke and she called me a liar, my mom made me sleep in her bedroom… because my brother’s wife would hurt me if I slept in my room. Great start to a “new” year, right?
I started GED classes… (for those of you who don’t know, it’s basically like a high school diploma, but it’s for adults. They allow kids my age -in my state at least- to take the classes/tests)
It’s working out well I guess… I still see no point in it, I’m just ready to give up… Even when I’m studying for my tests I get yelled at for being “useless” or “lazy” but whats new there? lol. Same shit different toilet basically…
Honestly, if I wasn’t so scared… I think I’d give up… let them clean up the mess of their mistakes.
But, hey… I’m still here. So, that’s a “good” thing I guess- for them at least.
10 comments
What a awful way for you to live. I am so sorry. Is there no place you can go? Even foster care might be better.
My mom wants me to hold on for a couple more months. I wish I could get out of here; But I tried to run away from my demons already- I moved three hundred miles away, yet they followed… I would go to my sister’s house, but she has her mother and my niece and nephew and my niece’s children and husband living with her… so I can’t escape there like I did before. Foster care is definitely out, I couldn’t do that ever, it may seem better but I just couldn’t live with strangers. I guess I just have to wait 9 months, and if things are still bad at least I’ll be seventeen by then and (hopefully) have a job. In my state it’s legal to move out at seventeen, so if I can hold on I’m going to try to. My parents care, I know they do, but they don’t know how to handle these kinda things- if they turn my older brother out, he may go back to his old habits. and none of us really want that, even if he hurts me, I don’t want my older brother hooked on meth and for my mother to get a call saying her oldest child overdosed by accident…
Knowing that people live like this, makes me wonder why I have depression. My life is good. But i still feel so empty. Please hang in there, I’m here for you and so are a lot of other people on this site.
Darlin’… Depression isn’t a matter of “Who has what worse” It’s a matter of feelings. Your feelings are valid even if they seem like they’re not… I’ll try to hang in there. You do the same, and don’t think that what you go through doesn’t compare to what others go through or doesn’t matter. Because it does.
Wow, your brothers wife is a real *****. It makes me angry. For the first, its not even her business.Why do your mom let her treat you that way? I hope it gets better for you. I dont really have any advice but just wanted you to know that I care. Do you have kik? I want to be your friend. Good luck and take care! *hugs*. 🙂
I don’t have kik (I think it’s an app for a phone, right?) I don’t have a phone, so I don’t really know how to go about kik or anything. But thank you <3 *hugs*
Sounds like my sister and her boyfriend. Just wait until they go on a tantrum and physically hurt you, call the cops, and create an environment of fear for them – they’ll never know if you’re going to get the cops there, rifling through their shit when they step out of line. The looks on their faces would be priceless.
Trust me, I’ve mentioned police before… It never turns out good so it’d be best to keep the police out of it. I even begged the hospital not to file a report the one time I had to go because I couldn’t even walk by myself (and blacked out a few times) it’s not worth the trouble it’d cause me if I brought police into this.
Wallflower, please hang in there… Don’t let the actions of these people push you into doing anything that could end up affecting you badly now and further on. You can do your GED’s and at 17 you can get out of that situation at home and build a life that you want. I know it sounds easy to say… At age 16-18 I lived with my old man after my parents split which was a fucked situation to say the least. I got out of that but made bad decisions for myself along the way that weren’t good then and still affect me now. My heart goes out to you, hold on there and please don’t let the awfulness of others wreck your life
I’m hanging in there for now, I’m hoping all of this passes… I won’t let them wreck my life, I’m trying not to let them, I’m going to wreck theirs if they keep it up though.