Oh, what a mess. I spent the last 10 hours crafting letters for various folk in my life. All are full of apologies, reasons why I decided to end before my natural time, all of them include broad strokes leading up to my current condition and one letter is more specific indicting named individuals of serious criminal activities, which, in part, is responsible for my decision.  Is this a cheap way to go? I don’t have the strength or interest to pursue justice in a normal setting, but the notion of cleaning my slate with hard facts and home truths is rather morbidly appealing….. Or […]
This morning, European time, I ventured out early to purchase a couple of things in readiness for my departure. It was a strangely unreal experience as I haven’t shopped during Christmas for many years….The last two years were spent in Afghanistan and other central Asian countries, I forgot what it would be like to walk amongst the throng of happy Santa’s and the annoying buzz of Christmas carols. I sat in the car park of a major toy store considering my first major step with this decision. It was a weird surreal moment walking to the front door, expecting to be confronted with smiling faces, […]
The last four years, since turning 50, has been an ever ending series of bad decisions, failed marriage, financial ruin and more recently poor physical health. These events have taken its toll on my wellbeing and mental capacity to move forward, and notwithstanding the niggling doubt that I am about to embark on my final ‘bad decision’, I have come to the cold realization that it is time to depart this mortal sod.  I spent most of the last year isolating myself from friends and colleagues, not in an antisocial manner, but rather spinning a web of stories as a way detachment not to […]