Here’s the link
I’ve had a really good couple of weeks making music and thought I was getting better, then all of a sudden the emptiness is back and the incessant feeling of discomfort in my own skin, it’s hard sometimes, it’s really hit me and I’m on the verge of being suicidal again (maybe I am)..it sucks, it really does, thanks for reading. Was I deluding myself that I’m actually getting better, what’s real and not real? I don’t know.
Really struggling to not take drugs or drink. Often when I’m sober it feels like I’m dying inside. I’m recovering from trauma from narcassistic abuse, sexual abuse etc…I often feel so close to giving up but I don’t want to. I want to find my strength and to become my own person. Have my own personal boundaries and to actually have love in my soul. I’m broken.
Realisation: I have a sick mind, the rest of my body works fine but it’s my mind that’s sick. This is a strangely liberating thing to find out. That’s all it is…a sick mind. Like my mind is physically sick but everything else works fine. I’ve beat myself constantly since I remember but not having a healthy mind but accepting it’s sick has helped me. I feel I’ve stopped teaching for answers. This whole time I beat myself up, my goodness, how long have I beat myself up for…This whole time…wow. I know the minds important but the rest of the body is just as Important.
I dunno where to start, it’s only a matter of time really. I have weird energy that I’ve had ever since I remember, it’s the only thing I am. Life’s not worth it Really, everyday is such a battle and hell. I don’t know how to make the suffering stop. I have such weird energy and I’m repulsed by it and others are too. Can anyone relate?