Author

WhereIsTheSilverLining

Can’t move forward.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 11/25/2015

It’s been a while but sadly i’m back here, anonymously telling the world my thoughts.

I made it a good two months through school without cutting. But i’m starting to act up again. Less than a month away till exams and as usual I can’t cope with the stress in my life. Everyday for the past 6 years I have thought about killing myself. Not once have i had a day of a peaceful mind. But it times like this, when i’m under to much stress that I can’t just push away these thoughts. Its times like this i sit on my bed starting at my […]

11/25/2015 23 comments

I wish i was dead.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 6/11/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Things are just getting worse and worse, never better.

I’m sick of it and i am done.

So fucking done.

6/11/2015 2 comments

Suffocating.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 5/18/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Its been a while since I have made a post, but here I am again.

I hate the way the regrets keep piling up, it’s just feels suffocating, and every time I replay the situations over and over again until I break. Every time it just makes me want to run away to a place where no one knows me.

I’m tired of being alive.

I’m tired of trying to breathe in this suffocating world.

I just want to die.

Every single fucking time its the same thing and the same feelings.

It just takes some small insignificant thing to set me off.

Why the hell was I ever born.

5/18/2015 0 comment

Can i just dissapear?

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 4/14/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Just so that I can see who would miss me?

Because right now it feels like no one would.

Like my life is so insignificant that it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not.

I don’t think my roommates would care.

I’m the only girl living in house of guys.

They don’t notice the cuts on my wrist.

Or that I spend most days crying in my room.

Or maybe they do and they just don’t care.

Either way it’s not their fault. I’m the one who is broken.

I just wish that someone would notice.

I’m just so fucking lonely.

It’s suffocating.

Every single day I live life feeling like i’m constantly suffocating.

4/14/2015 8 comments

I wish I wasn’t me.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 4/8/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Can i just disappear and start out fresh somewhere?

Can i have second chance at happiness?

4/8/2015 0 comment

I want to cut.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 4/1/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Trying to tell myself not too.

This weekend is Easter and I’ll be visiting my family so it isn’t the best time to cut.

But every time I stop working or go to take a break it’s all i can think of.

There is just a quiet little voice in the back of my mind reminding me.

But i know it will only feel good for the fist few seconds.

Then I’ll cry and regret it.

Like I do every time.

4/1/2015 2 comments

I am just so fucking lonely.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 3/29/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

I’m sick of living in a world where it feels like it doesn’t even matter if i’m here.

No one would miss me, no one would fucking care.

I’m invisible. Why can’t anyone see how sad i am.

Why doesn’t anyone care enough to look past my pitiful smile.

Because no one fucking cares.

I just want to run away to a place where no one knows me. Then i can be alone without feeling that no one loves me.

It’s like i’m living a world where I’ve already been forgotten.

I’m tired of feeling invisible.

I’m tired of feeling like a ghost.

3/29/2015 3 comments

9 years.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 1/29/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

I have wanted to die for the past 9 years.

I have been cutting for the past 5 years.

Every single days for those past 9 years I have thought about disappearing , running away or just giving up and ending it all. I spent those days thinking how amazing it would be if i could fall asleep a night and never wake up the next morning.

I’ll be turning 21 in two weeks.

Every year for the past 5 years, when i blew out the candles i wished for my life to stop.

Nothing has changed. It’s like life has just been at a standstill.

I still want to die.

1/29/2015 3 comments

Watching.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 1/23/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

It was one of those nights where I was hanging with a large group of friends.

Even though I say friends, i just felt like an outsider looking in, I didnt have much input to give on their conversations. I just wound up sitting there thinking if i wasnt here it would make no difference. The group consisted of my roommates and some more friends ( we were at my house).

One of the friends is debating living with us next year so they spent the night entertaining everyone with stories. Everyone was so happy and lively. When i’m around i have never have good news or […]

1/23/2015 0 comment

Screaming.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 1/21/2015

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Feeling so alone right now. Been a deeper funk than usual the past couple of days and can’t get out of it. I want to be alone but I’m also lonely. I’m just drowning in my thoughts. I can’t shut my brain off. All i want to do is cut.

1/21/2015 4 comments

Happiness.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 12/23/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

Sometimes you think you have everything under control, that your pretty smile and laugh is hiding everything. But sometimes you don’t see the cracks on the surface till others do.

In the past 20 years of my life, I’ve had one special friend they I could by my whole self too, she knew what I did and how I felt most days because she had the same feelings about life. She’s been my best friend since I was 3. We never got the chance to go to school together but she was always a short car ride or a phone call away. Everyday throughout high school […]

12/23/2014 2 comments

Love.

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 9/25/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

What does it mean to love?

I have been alive for 20 years and I don’t know what it feels like. I have been trying to describe this feeling to myself but i feel like i can’t.

To love someone, and to be loved. Not just in a romantic way, but with family and friends.

Like, if you were to ask me if I loved my parents or if they loved me i would say yes, not because i understand this feeling. Just because its the right answer.

A close friend of mine used to cut like myself. But she stopped when she found her boyfriend. It’s like when […]

9/25/2014 8 comments

Let Me Go

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 6/9/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

I want to disappear.

I’m sick of this life and the people in it. I want to slip out quietly through the back door and start over somewhere new where no one knows me. Â I want to travel the world and find the place the I’m the happiest, a place that actually needs me.

6/9/2014 3 comments

ICan’tBreathe

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 6/6/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

I hate the moment when a decision becomes a regret.

I kept telling myself that everything would work out. Â But there comes a point where you can’t lie to yourself anymore. I feel like I’ve dug myself a hole that’s too deep. All the little things that IÂ tried to overlook are surfacing. I can’t reason with myself anymore, I can only see the negative.

It’s suffocating.

6/6/2014 1 comment

Music

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 6/4/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

I cry every time I hear this song. And no I have not read the book/seen the movie.

The words just calm me down, I feel numb but bliss.

Kodaline – All I Want

6/4/2014 1 comment

Where is my life going?

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 6/4/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

All I ever wanted to do is be happy. How can I expect anyone to love me if I can’t even love myself.

My life isn’t as bad as some, but that doesn’t mean I am any less dead inside. I have thought about dying since Â I was in grade 6. That was before I even knew what the words depression Â and suicide meant. I learnt about cutting in grade 8, told myself I would never do it, I thought as soon as I did it would be over. In grade 10 my best friend told me she did it, that’s when I realized cutting didn’t […]

6/4/2014 4 comments