I had a hard time getting up this morning… I took the cookies to work…. I acted all bubbly and happy… I am ‘working from home” tomorrow… I actually fooled myself that I was happy… I am home alone… on the edge of tears… thinking about death… asking myself am I right or wrong … am i just creating a downward spiral… will i be better if i hurt myself or keep myself so busy that i cant have these thoughts? i have home project to do but i just dont have the energy to do them.. i just want to go to bed.. .. […]
Will
Will
43 year old techno geek homo lost in the middle of farmland. I am an educated professional fooling everyone..
Today was a good day and I kept on going by baking chocolate cookies and getting a sugar high… I feel good…
still working to clean my house.. I did get a pleasant surprise… the UPS man brought me a Ninga Blender… I am not sure who sent it.. I know I did not order it…Â maybe I should make a large pitcher of some frozen drink and kill the rest of my liver….. I did my conference calls today at work but sat at my desk most of the day with my office door closed and just gazed at the monitor and did absolutely nothing.. I have not done any actual work since the holidays.
Spent the day cleaning the house… I want to make sure things are in order…
Made some brownies and took them to brother for his birthday… he still lives with my parents at age 40…
it is amazing that my family is so blind to how their treatment of me hurts me…. they have no clue how much they are hurting me… they have no idea how bad i am hurting on the inside… no one does… i put the plastic face on each day…. people have noticed that i am grumpy… but they just think i am under a lot of stress at work…. I am […]
I think about death everyday. I count the hours until I can go to bed and escape for another day…. I have been to doing this for about the past 10 years… I tried to OD in July of 2005 but my wife at the time got me to the ER in time… No one told me that Overdosing on sleeping pills and dmx would damage my liver if it was not successful ….30% of my liver is gone… I live each day in pain and fatigue….and with depression on top…. My birthday is in 11 days.. I will be out […]