I am…
Tired of being aware
Tired of living with the belief that everyone finds me ugly (even though I am)
Tired of never being positive and frowning
Tired of having no one to talk to
Tired of not having a friend
Tired of never feeling loved by anyone
Tired of watching the people from a distance that I yearn to be friends with
Tired of being me.
No social skills, no interest in making friends, no motivation for work or school. No one can love someone who can’t show love to begin with. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Everything in these 18 years of life have been useless just like me. Why am I here? I didn’t want to be born. I want to stop existing, I want a heart attack or stroke to kill me.
Nothing good comes out of me except bitterness, self-loathing, and hate for this cruel world that has tried to help me but I rejected around every corner. And now I’m unfixable.
Life right now has officially hit a boiling point that’s too hot; I’m melting away. My focus throughout the days now are shot, I’m more robotic in movement and speech than ever before. Just today at work I couldn’t talk to anyone, it just felt too heavy on my throat to speak (I’m more introverted). Then what would I gain talking about insignificant topics like, “So and so’s wedding went wrong,” or, “Real Housewives…” Sorry, I’m being bias but that stuff doesn’t interest me.
And then just today I fucked up on the biggest thing: I have no idea where I want to live anymore. […]
From everything I’ve known; my job, family, and the only life I’ve ever known. I feel so stuck, no purpose or motivation to do anything anymore, and I’m seriously contemplating leaving the States for Canada even though there’s nothing for me there (job, home, or friends). I’d be a stranger in a strange land, but even that sounds more appealing then what I’m facing right now. I just want to getaway even if I’m running away from my problems; does anyone else ever feel this way?
If you really, really loved me, if you honestly care so much for my wellbeing then leave a gun somewhere for me to find. I’ll do the rest.
it hurts so much, i want to scream and no one can help me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66GHz-H4k6M
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still […]
I’m living, but I’m not alive. Human biology prevents me from holding my breath for too long and survival instincts prohibit the drugs from shutting down my body. The overdose quantity of acetaminophen, Dramamine, and caffeine do not stand a chance against thousands of years of perseverance; and all of that history and perseverance is embedded in DNA, thriving in me and laying dormant. I’m killing it, because I can’t be a part of that humanity. I never belonged with them. I never belonged anywhere. I’m living, but I’m not enjoying life.
I’ve only accidentally made it to the next day. If fate and life were […]
English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEgmxilFyaI
Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLksB9YUIw
In order to just breathe, I keep meaningful songs in my arsenal until another day comes along. This is one of them, a powerful melody.
“As time is passing on and all my limbs are slowly growing along
The things to love’s a multiplying song
And its growth, is racing at a stupid rate, my only option is hate
So I just have to throw them out with no doubt
And so that I am able to provide you with love
The greedy person that hides inside me
Would soon see, that he would have to stop adoring everything that he is;
The clumsiness was a creation […]
Being so socially inept, isolated, and awkward, I completely damaged any social skills I had left. My own family doesn’t feel uncomfortable around me and I’ve just shut them out for months now. I can’t make friends even though I try so hard to be funny and nice, but my personality is so unattractive and annoying. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety too. I’ve even stopped feeling attachment to people, like I can’t feel their emotions and care; it’s all dismissed as either “I don’t care” or they’re just manipulating me. Now I don’t even care about making friends, it’s such a bother; […]
What’s keeping you alive to this day? What’re you living for and how did things get better for you?
Are you glad to be alive today?
Also, under what circumstances pushed you into the attempt?
Thoughts war against reason
Tell me again why I should last ’til next season?
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