Life right now has officially hit a boiling point that’s too hot; I’m melting away. My focus throughout the days now are shot, I’m more robotic in movement and speech than ever before. Just today at work I couldn’t talk to anyone, it just felt too heavy on my throat to speak (I’m more introverted). Then what would I gain talking about insignificant topics like, “So and so’s wedding went wrong,” or, “Real Housewives…” Sorry, I’m being bias but that stuff doesn’t interest me.
And then just today I fucked up on the biggest thing: I have no idea where I want to live anymore. I don’t want to live, period, but I can’t… I just don’t know anymore.
I hate that I can’t afford studio apartments, that I’m socially inept, that I hate myself more than any one on this planet, that I have no idea what I want to major in anymore, that I lost over $100 worth of money because I botched out of my lease, that I’m not beautiful enough to skip town altogether and start a new life, and that I’m such a useless, spoiled, indecisive loser.
I’m stuck.
There’s no clear way out without sacrificing either large amounts of money or my peace of mind (living without a roommate).
2 comments
Wow, I’m so in the same boat with you right now, immersed in a rare moment home alone without the roommate. And it’s not that we don’t get along, it’s that the quarters are so constrictive, it might as well be considered living in the same room/bathroom with this other person as opposed to house. I just had no idea before moving in, but now it’s a daily battle deciding wether or not to say “I’m out”, knowing I’ll eat a huge lease-breaking fine, without any true plan where to go next.
It’s really good you’re working though, generating income with proof of gainful employment to give you an option of some place else. I just have savings for the moment, and sometimes that’s not enough to move into the place you’d like, even if can afford it. From experience though, can say confidently, the cost for peace of mind far outweighs the financial. Best of luck to you
Yeah roommates can suck. Try finding a 2 bedroom 1st then rent out the other room. That way you can interview people and seek somebody you are compatible with. Like say you are an introvert ad dot like to talk to others much, well somewhere there is another person looking for the same. You could post an ad on CL looking for that type of roommate.
I hope your ok. You sound like you are smart and pretty cool. I think you are too hard on yourself. Try having a few beers to relax and then count your blessings!! Remind yourself that you have a lot to be thankful for. Then once your chilled out decide weather you want to move to a new place or find a new roommate. Moving to a whole new area can bring about a nice change.