My life has never been a happy one. At least, not for me. I have no idea why I had to be such a miserable person. Why I had to be perpetually afraid, miserable, feel completely alone, and live in utter anguish. I don’t feel I did anything to deserve it. In fact, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am owed something, that I deserve more, that I am better than what’s happened to me. But, it doesn’t make a difference how I feel, or what I do to demand the world give me a fair shake, because in the […]
I suppose this becomes my home again, for the next little while. The one place I will just keep returning to, until my life is finally ended. The only real place for me. I just keep getting my heart destroyed. This time is different, though. I mean, I don’t fall for just any person, but when I do fall for someone, I fall so fast and so hard. I just don’t know what to do without him. I am not even sure what I am anymore. I was once bisexual. Technically, I still am. Could totally copulate with either gender, but I do have to […]
After 26 years of loneliness and heart-break. I think the time has come, for me to finally end my life. I have been trying to fight it. Trying to hold everything together, all by myself. In spite of the attempts of others to help me, it never does, because at the end of the day, I am truly alone. They constantly try to convince me I am not alone, or will not be alone forever, but they do it from a position where they aren’t with me, so I am still left alone. No one will ever take a chance on me. Not truly. I […]
Well, I finally found my first relationship, at the age of 26. It really did help me to find peace. It’s actually been really nice to have the first time in my life, and I mean this entirely literally, that I didn’t think about suicide every single day. It slowly drifted back, a little, but only just barely, and only just a few time every couple of weeks or so. It hasn’t been terrible. I have realized some things, that I had already considered, but I am far too old a soul for all these senseless children. My boyfriend, and just for the sake of […]
For 25 years I have been the subject to numerous human cruelties. I have been bullied, outcast, ignored, insulted, and abandoned. I have been demeaned and degraded in ways that make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. So often I was told of my failure and repugnance, that I have come to think of myself this way.
I have become the most complex person I know, or perhaps that is what I always was. I have become a paradox. My personality has been twisted and poisoned into a monstrosity. Always I have tried to be like them, to have a life like them, to be worthy of them, […]