I am back home from the hospital…spent 10 days in ICU…had surgery on Tuesday and they discharged me on Wednesday…but I feel so horrible…while I was there I heard countless Code Blues and kept wondering why I kept waking up the next morning, or from a nap…its not fair…I don’t belong here…no one wants me here…the one person I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, the one person I thought understood me more than anyone else bc he was in the same boat…is gone…I have no one…nothing…I am no one…but yet I am stuck…trapped here with no reason to live and with […]
Has anyone heard anything about lostnz? He hasn’t been on in months…I see most others here, but not him.
For the past few weeks, my life was looking as though I was getting better. My moods were good and 90% of my days were pretty happy. I found new friends, found a couple people that I ended up dating. I was happy for once…then last week it all went downhill. I began to get really depressed and started having pains in my stomach. I am a stomach sleeper so I was also having trouble sleeping bc it hurt so bad. Then the swelling and redness started…now none of this was subtle. From the time the pain started till the redness and swelling got their […]
I again am so alone…I am sitting here with no one to talk to…if there is anyone who would want to talk, please just email me…it will get my mind off hurting myself. princess_emmy19@yahoo.com
I am so goddamn fucking tired of people telling me that my mood bugs them…like it doesn’t bug me…I have tried everything to not be depressed but nothing works…someone tells me I screw up so I apologize and say I feel bad for screwing up and how I always find a way to do it and then they have the balls to tell me that my down in the dumps attitude bothers them…WELL SO FUCKING WHAT…I don’t want to feel like this, but I do…I go to therapy, I am on 9 different meds and and I have workbooks to try and work thru my […]
I’m sitting here again…So sad and so alone…I have been sleeping all the time…I have no energy or drive to even face the day…My life seems to be falling apart all around me…the love I thought I had won’t talk to me, I feel so useless and unwanted…it seems as tho I can’t do anything right…it’s just worth it anymore…y is it that no one wants me around? What’s so wrong with me? I do I even try? Spent a couple days with my mom and grandma, and my mom spent the whole time telling me how horrible I am, how I haven’t lived up […]
                                This is the worst part of anything…staying silent, and waiting
I know I’ve had a lot of posts as of late and they’ve been all covering the same thing. I don’t think I’ve fully been able to get out of my chest what I need to get out so I’m gonna try again. My life is turning upside down as of late…What I mean by that, is that the life I kno now is changing and its changing dramatically…and I am soooo excited about it, but scared….also I’m also frustrated that I can’t have things happen sooner. I am very impatient. This life altering change means that I will be leaving the only life I’ve […]
I can’t do this anymore…I am too anxious…I’m too scared…and I’m freaking out…there isn’t any use in anything anymore…I’m just as worthless as I was before…goddamn it y did I have invest so much into this…u kno what? Not gonna do it anymore…might as well end it…I can’t take being sad anymore.
This has been one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I feel alone, sad and depressed. Just when I get my hopes up for something good to happen, it’s dashed from me as quickly as the idea was thought of. I thought my luck was changing…I thought God was finally showing me mercy…I thought…I thought a lotta things. The prayer I prayed was so simple. Something that would make me the happiest woman in the world…but I realized just how far away that prayer was. It keeps getting so close I can touch it and then I blink and its farther […]
I Miss You
As I lay down at night
I think how things have changed
Ever since you entered it
My whole life’s re-arranged
But I wish that I could see you sooner than I can
It’s like you’re a movie star
And I’m your biggest fan
But I miss you
Like I miss the sun on a rainy day
Like I miss the moon when it goes away
But the sun and the moon
don’t mean nearly as much to me
As you do
I could live without them But I need you
And I miss you
Now that we’re so far apart
I love you even […]
I cried when I read this. This poem means so much to me, because even though we are under the same sky, you are so far from me. I know the time will come when you are next to me, but until then…My Angel, My Sweet…I will miss you with every ounce of my being.
My Angel, My Sweet
My Angel, My Sweet,
How I long for us once again to meet.
How I long to run my fingers though your hair
and to smell your suculent perfume in the air.
Oh how I long to feel your face,
and to sense your gentle presence all over […]
I found this online and it captures how lonely I feel.
I Miss You Dreamer
You don’t know how bad I need you here with me,
I need you more than anything more than I need to breathe
How do I last now that my heart has grown so cold,
Being without you its like my heart was put on hold
How do I stay warm without you to hold me tight,
I wish I was in your arms and everything was right
When I’m with you my body becomes weak,
I want to say I love you but its really hard to speak
I get this amazing feeling from […]
I have had no sleep again except for like 3 hrs but I woke up strangely happy…I am still in a lot of pain but I might get my meds today which makes me happy and then right now bc of u all on here I feel I have a support system that I never had before…I jus wanted to thank u all
Sittin here cryin cause I hurt so bad and I’ve had no sleep. I can’t get help from the Drs bc they don’t want to up my meds bc they say ill get hooked…fuck that, I jus want to feel better…its unbearable…I can’t live like this with a Tens machine strapped to my back 24/7…I shouldn’t hav to either…idk what to do.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend to put on a brave face when inside I wanna cry. I can’t live like this. I can’t keep my head above water. I am drowning and feel like I can’t swim. No one listens. No one cares. I am useless. What do I contribute to anything? I can’t and don’t want to feel like this. I see everyone around me that has a great life, while I’m stuck here underground. Y the fuck do I have to keep living. I’ve tried to not, but keep getting dragged back. I’ve been told its bc I have a […]
It’s nighttime here and I’m seriously depressed. I’m trying to not let myself get too bad, but I’m all alone and that’s when things so so bad for me. I have no one to talk to and I find myself just staring at the tv blankly just thinking of things I shouldn’t be. I feel a panic attack that is right under the skin, ready to come out. I am trying reeeally hard to fight it, but I have nothing to get my thoughts elsewhere. Idk, maybe I am jus crazy…That’s the way I feel anyway. I hate always feeling like this. I wish it […]
I have always thought I had Borderline Personality Disorder, but I find myself in a bit of a situation.  I was diagnosed with severe depression and an anxiety disorder and not anything else. I am on lots of meds, which are also used to treat that and Bipolar Disorder. They worked for a while, but it’s getting worse and worse. I haven’t been able to get anyone to help me diagnose what I think is the true issue. I can’t get into a Psychiatrist bc they told me I’d have to be put in a 72 hr hold before they could assign me to anyone. […]
I appreciate everyone’s input into my issue. Unfortunetely I went ahead and took down my post. I get it, I have horrible flaws. I know this. It’s what I’m trying to fix. I just needed an ear to listen to me and helpful words to help me feel better. This is precisely what I meant when I said I do everything wrong. I’m a screw up. Call me a slut. I don’t care anymore, it’s ok. This is also why I hate myself. Why I don’t want to see tomorrow. I don’t want sympathy, need help. But like I said its fine.