I have seen you pop up in the community in the last few days and I just want to say you are not alone. Everyone on this site knows what its like to hurt. You are not alone.
You keep asking for a reason to live, but life is not that simple. There are things in my life that I love and cherish and things I give no value to. I love my GF and my laptop, I don’t love my clothes, if I lose them I can just get more clothes. I cannot replace my GF. So she gives my life meaning, I fight everyday […]
I am scared. Scared that I will not be enough. That something bad will happen to the ones I love. Scared that cant protect them. That I am a fraud. That I will never be enough.
Scared that I will never be what I want to be, because I am too scared to embrace it.
I have everything I have every wanted, and I am so afraid that the world will take it from me, that I cannot enjoy it.
Fear is ruining my life.
I have really mixed emotions about coming back to sp.
I battled with depression, suicide, cutting and general shit in my life and I have come close to death many times. I believed that life was never going to get better, that I was going to die a lonely virgin loser and bring shame and hurt to my family. I have stood atop the highest building in my college and peered over the edge and stood there for many painful hours. I have cut deep, and popped pills. I was badly beaten as a child periodically and mentally tortured. I came here and wrote angry posts […]
Sam Worth was my friend. He battled depression for many years after his family was taken from him. His wife died in childbirth, his daughter 4 years later from cancer. He told me once that SP saved his life. That he met people here who truly understood and wanted to help. In return he tried to help where he could. I know because he helped me. a lot.
He died in hospital last week. Cancer.
Goodbye, friend.
I have anxiety, stress. When I wake up everyday I am in a state of panic. It takes about 30 mins of meditation to slow to heart rate from about 130 down to 70 beats per minute. My girlfriend says I shout in my sleep sometimes. After I slow my heart I can think straight again. But it takes about another hour before I can actually eat anything. So I get up every day around 6.
I can feel my heart all the time. When someone says something to me, I can actually feel how my body has reacted to it in my pulse and in […]
So I was trolling the interent minding my own business when I saw this on reddit.
All I could think was, I found Dawg!!! haha.
I hope your well Dawg. 🙂
For most people this post will make no sense but that’s ok. One for the golden oldies.
<3 u sp
My first post in a while.
I don’t know what it is that keeps pulling me back here, but no matter how my life is going eventually I always end up back here. Maybe it is the safety of the internet, perhaps it is that I know you all understand what it means to be depressed. I feel like I have made some of my greatest friends on here because they actually get me. I don’t have to pretend with you guys. Its nice, I guess I just miss that.
I work in an office now, software development, its fine, im good at it, but I have […]
(That’s not me by the way, that’s just the best reflection picture I could find. It just so happens to contain a beautiful woman.)
For a long time I could not look in the mirror, I did not like who I had become, it was easier to hide in games and books rather than face reality. I was not happy but I stayed in my rut, not taking active steps to get better.
But then I read a few words that I have […]
Deep Eyes and a nice smile.
Simple
<3
So last night I met someone!!! She has long black hair, she has these really blue eyes, kind of round face, half Asian half Irish. I meet her when I was climbing a fence because I was trying to watch this match, she could not get over it so I helped her, then we were standing next to each other and we were talking while the game was on. I was so nervous I could feel my stomach turning, I felt such a connection. When the game was over we talked for ages after. She let me walk her home and on the way we passed by […]
The only time I feel truly worthless anymore is when I can’t find the words to comfort someone who is suffering. When I see someone who is truly suffering, a beautiful soul who refuses to see the truth and they hurt themselves mentally and physically, it pains me. I hate myself and the English language for not providing the words and the wisdom to help them.
Hello guys
I don’t have time to talk this evening, just popping  in. I hope you are all doing well and hanging in there. Tomorrow is another day. Keep fighting the good fight.
I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. You are the people who deserve it. 🙂
Ruins
So I guess I am having a weird day. I feel fine really. I am just finishing up on a report I have to hand in tomorrow. I am not worried really I have it 95% completed. I just feel… I cant describe it really.
I have been doing really well lately. I no longer have anger issues of any kind really. I have been doing MMA for a while now, it has really helped me to channel my anger and frustration. My depression is all but gone really. I meditate almost every day. My stomach palpitations are basically gone. I have been building core strength […]
What ever happened to that ball of sunshine. She always cheered me up. Happy new year Sinine where ever you are.
Happy new year SP.
I wish you all luck and happiness in the year.
Ruins
So as it turns out one of my closest friends is gay. He came out about 4 days ago and we were all shocked because he has had more GF’s than me in the past. We didn’t really know what to say, we couldn’t really say much since he just text us this.
We all met up the other night and it was the first real test to see if things were going to be different just because he was gay.  I like to think we are an open minded bunch, and I also liked to think that I am not prejudiced against anyone for any reason. But you never really know if your comfortable […]
I am heading out for a night on the town, I am so nervous.
Wish me luck.
I hope your all doing well.
Peace
Ruins
So I was doing the whole social thing and hanging with my friend and he said I was a saddest that I make myself sad for no reason. He said that I was depressing to be around. And he is not wrong, in fact I think he hit the nail on the head.
I have come to a very clear realization, that is that I am bad for people. I have been preaching a message of love for a while now, but a few recent comments have brought me to my senses. I have been focusing on finding someone, but what is the point? I am a fucked […]
Hello SP
So I have gotten it into my head that I don’t want to be alone anymore. I have been doing much better lately, I have seeing my friends more and I have been nicer in general to everybody. But it is hard and change isn’t coming easy.
everyday is different, some days I feel like a piece of shit and I feel like I deserve to be alone. Other days I feel like I want to find a girl and make her happy, I feel like I would do anything for them to make them happy.
I guess I can feel change creeping in, now I have thoughts like you should […]
Hello SP
I have returned to post this video I encountered an hour ago. It made me think of some of the people on here we deal with weight issues. You are perfect the way you are, don’t let the world change you. you don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Some people crave the approval of others, this is bad for you and your mental health. I hope that someday soon you will be free.
I know I cant really understand how people really feel, so feel free to tell me to go fuck myself. Â I am doing the only thing I can think of to help.
Peace
ILU Ruins
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