Sorry I didnt call…..

I have really mixed emotions about coming back to sp.

I battled with depression, suicide, cutting and general shit in my life and I have come close to death many times. I believed that life was never going to get better, that I was going to die a lonely virgin loser and bring shame and hurt to my family. I have stood atop the highest building in my college and peered over the edge and stood there for many painful hours. I have cut deep, and popped pills. I was badly beaten as a child periodically and mentally tortured. I came here and wrote angry posts about the world and the fucked up voices in my head. I met lots of really great people on here, and my life has changed,

I am no longer suicidal. I don’t think about killing myself anymore(Which I did for years).  The pain is much duller now, I feel it when I awake in the morning and after some weights and meditation I no longer feel the pain, or hear the voices. It has been a long road. Therapy, pills, great friends and some fantastic counseling.

All of the people that I met on here that helped me so much are either dead or they fled the country to find themselves in the east.
I have been looking through the posts and I no longer recognize the names. There was a time when I could identify who was a noob based solely on the name. I feel bad about that.

I hope that all you guys are still out there somewhere, and I hope your happy.

For all you randomers who don’t know me but still felt the need to read this far, let me just say this.

The next time you convince yourself that it can never get better, that suicide is the only way, just remember me, I too felt this way. I too was once very fucked up. But I am not like that anymore. I am happy. I have friends, I have a good job and loving partner.

I am happy. I hope all of you can be one_day aswell.

Ruins.

remember, the thought police know…..