General

I remember what I used to be like…. It was so long ago it seems… If I could see myself now and then nothing would match I don’t even look the same. I don’t know what started me down this dark road but I no longer see the light. I remember feeling happy but I don’t remember what being happy feels like. I cant focus anymore my thoughts are trapped in a cage with no opening. I cant even read a book and remember simple details about the book or even what I just read. Now I just feel like a rock on the side […]

all i want to do is jump from the fucking top floor window. i dont want to be talked to like this. i dont want to be treated like this. it’s not ok. it is not okay to keep feeling like this. what the fuck am i doing wrong?! what the fuck am i doing?! what the fuck?! what the fuck?! whether i talk in a calm sincere loving voice, whether i beg and plead, whether i shout from the top of my lungs, nothing works. nothing fucking works. no i just get fucking screamed at after ive screamed because all of this has caused […]

one fucking day. do i have to cry every fucking day?! what a fucking hypocrite. i dont get any respect. i dont get treated equally. it kills me. i cant take this. my voice is useless. quiet or loud it’s a problem. everything is a fucking problem. damn right i have an attitude. can the issues i bring up be addressed?! can i just be understood this fucking once?! do i always have to be fucking disrespected, misunderstood, or just ignored altogether?! what kind of fucking life is this?! what the fuck?! there is nothing nowhere and no one to turn to. what the fuck. […]

I have been thinking and thinking
To speak what I have in my mind.
I have been failing and failing
Every single time.
Either I have too much to say,
Or maybe my vocabulary sucks to my dismay.
I have tried to talk to the people I know,
I have tried to write it and show.
But I’m just used to hold everything in
And sadly some how it shows on my skin.
Bottled up feelings, tears I don’t cry,
My jumbled up pieces ,eat me up inside.,
My heart feels a pain, it’s hard to describe,
The tears that I cried, killed […]

you all laugh at me
stairing my scars
but u would never understand
my razors are my only painkillers

when i was left alone last night
in the only place i ve find
i didnt know how to hide
all my pain burried deep inside

but you would never understand
the feeling that comes
when all u have
is the blade in your hand

seeing your life ahead
cursing the life u left behind
when all u wanted
is to feel alive

Yesterday the day started off great but then it just went downhill. By twelve I felt really down and I really just felt like I had no emotions apart from sadness. None of my family know about what I feel like or how I feel and they can’t because if they did then they might make me go to counselling or therapy or make me go see a doctor. Only my mate knows and she is really understanding. She knows about this site but she hasn’t told my parents so it is good because I can talk to a mate.  I don’t know anyone else […]

I don’t have the energy or clarity of mind to even write all the reasons why I feel this way.  All I know, is that the last 32 years, including my horrific so called childhood have been fraught with worry and pain.  I think of suicide at least once a minute these days (past year).  No-one would put an animal through this much pain and inner turmoil, so why do I have to live with this?  The only reason i’m still alive is the fear of my suicide failing and being left with a damaged body to live within whilst being caged in a mental […]

I’m 33, mother of 4, 2 with severe disabilities, several months ago my husband said he wanted a divorce, doesn’t want counselling, doesn’t want to try again.

im destroyed, I have told him how i feel, he doesn’t care, he has been seeing someone else for months, he sees me telling him I want to die as blackmail.

due to my kids disabilities I have access to a rather large collection of drugs, hopefully it will be enough.

Just looking for someone to chat to. Email: Teresias1@hotmail.com or put your e mail as comment.

Ok ok, yes, I’m aware that there are people out there with bigger problems than myself. But I thought I’d post this, nonetheless.

I’ve got a lot of love in my heart. That’s fine, right? Yeah.

I’m sad to say, I have chased anything with boobs for awhile now, and I think it is partly because of me being adopted, the abuse I went through as a kid, and a relationship that has never been very good with my parents.

But anyways, I’m done chasing, and quite honestly, am ok with that.

I wake up in the morning or night, depending on when I sleep, […]

The pain inside was so bad it would hurt to breath or talk. Their were days that I hated opening my eyes in the morning because it meant dealing with this bullshit one more day. It hurt so bad. Everyday for a while now I’ve asked myself, with no answer, why did they break my heart? It had to be an accident right? No one every intentionally hurts you like this, do they? I was asking questions I already knew the answer too. I think I deserved it. I had too. The pain inside is so bad, your body is just not able to handle […]

every fucking day of my life. same shit different day. every fucking day. if it’s not all day, it’s on and off throughout the day. a fucking roller coster. there is no one. no one who fucking gets it. you would think id get some sort of sense of compassion and be treated somewhat equally. no. my sense of reality is skewed?! maybe sometimes it is. but theirs? so fucking skewed. so wrong. it hurts so fucking badly. just fucking excuses. every fucking day. there is no one. when i thought there was someone. there is fucking no one. but im the MORON who keeps […]