General

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” - Josh Billings

Why can’t I just be left alone?

I meet with the school counselor once a week. I’m supposed to be recovering from an eating disorder, but right now it’s more like relapsing. I went down yesterday and my counselor was really concerned with some of the things I shared, but I promised to work on them. Today I got called down again and when I walked in I could tell something was wrong. Usually we joke around and laugh about things, but she looked so sad. The more she talked the more I realized she was about to have to call my parents. “It’s the law, […]

that voice in my head is loud today. the one that says today could be the day. why not? this depression is going to kill me one way or another might as well be on my terms. i feel like i am dead already. nothing seems to be able to give me any joy or fun. went to a concert last night . i had been looking forward to it. but i didn’t care if we went or not. while it was a great show, the fun, excitement, the losing myself in the music wasn’t there. i can’t escape myself. i can’t escape this soul […]

Hey,I’m 15 years now,  10th grade, German.
I found this community searching for the 30 Day Self Harm Challenge. Maybe some of you know about it.
I’m going to try it.
I harm myself about 2 and a half year now. There were some lucky month I haven’t even thought about it. But I never wanted to stop and so I didn’t.
In the last weeks everything just went wrong and again self harm is one of my escapes.
I’m not trying to get rid of it with this challenge. I’m just interested in how it feels not to do something I want to.
So […]

I am so tired of feeling alone.  Days like this just makes me wonder why am I here.  I don’t understand what my point in life is suppose to be right now.  My friends say that my prince charmin will come when I least expect it but I am so tired of waiting.  I am not just lonely because I am single I feel like I can’t talk with anyone.  All my friends are so busy with their life that if I bring up how I feel I don’t think anyone would care.  My parents never ask me how I am doing or my brother. […]

I write this wondering if my life is going anywhere… I don’t know where I’m going, or what I’m gonna do with my life, and there’s so much pressure… Everybody wants me to be perfect.. But I can’t… I can only be me.. And that’s not good enough and I contemplate ending it all sometimes… And I fear my urges to self harm will take over.. Its a constant battle all the time, for my own insanity… To keep your head up and keep all the pain inside cause your all alone… So alone… Nobody to help, to guide you.. The emptiness inside is overwhelming… […]

Imagine you’re playing a game of baseball. Every time you get a hit, the umpire punches you in the face and tells you you’re out. Then he humiliates you in front of the crowd, and they all throw eggs at you. The umpire says “those are the rules.” You tell him those are shitty rules, and then he steals your money and kicks your dog. And he says “that’s the rule for people who complain about the rules.” The crowd keeps throwing eggs.

Anyone with an ounce of self respect would quit the game and walk off the field, right? So why the fuck am I […]

I don’t see the point anymore, all I focus on now is school, and still at night I hear my parents talking. No one knows this depth of loneliness, to be invisible at school, to be invisible to your teachers, to even hear your parents say that you are hopeless. Its too much, I can’t do it. I just want the pain to end. If it wasn’t for the knowledge that the end of my life would be unbearable for my parents, they would have already buried me.

Sometimes, we forget we’re still here. And that the living feeling is all just an act.

Have I distanced everyone to shield them from the inevitable or is my isolation pushing me towards the abyss. The answer changes with each day.

i knew it was coming..i knew this day was close..i knew someday i would finally lose it..and i guess that day is today. I cant do this anymore im done.. I wanted to be able to fix things but i couldnt. I dont even feel the desire to work things out with my family anymore.. i guess i finally stopped caring.i stopped caring about how they will feel when im gone, what they will think, if they will blame me,,if they will blame themselves. i just got to the point where i just said ‘fuck it’…everything…it feels so good to let go…im typing this knowing […]

I’m 30 now, in 6 months time it’s gonna be my birthday and if things don’t change that’s when I will end it all. Growing up I went to religious school and got molested over there by four different preachers. Was scared of the beating they gave me thats why I couldn’t tell my parents about it, started working at the age of 13 to support my family who compared me to everyone else who was better than me, even though I left home at 8 in the morning and got back at 3 in the morning everyday, my relatives considered me to be outcast, […]

I feel it

Im ready to die

I’m incredibly tired of sadness and pain and disappointment

I have never known my father

My step father died of cancer

months later my mother got colon cancer

she eventually got better, but her kidneys were damaged

she had a kidney transplant which was unsucessful

and so she lives attached to a machine

how can God be kind

when a women who loves him has suffered so much

how can I believe he is kind

it is not enough to be alive

it is not

i would rather go

but i worry it will kill my mother

and my sisters will be alone

and it makes god even more unkind

because he is unkind

yet makes it […]

I’m debating leaving a suicide note for my friend… I don’t want to hurt her I just want to explain to her that she shouldn’t feel guilty or blame herself or anything… I just want it to affect her in the least possible way.

So I was wondering what would be best for her and I’d love some opinions on this.

I want to give her closure but not leave something for her to dwell on if that makes sense

Sometimes I feel am I even worth it? I feel lonely even though I have alot of friends I feel fat even when my friends say Im not and I feel ugly even when my friends say other wise My heart has been played and broken and I sometimes wonder why I was put on the earth this year has been more then I could handle Im already dieing inside 🙁

I’ve been depressed since I was 12, and recently I’ve been thinking about suicide nearly every day. I have a wonderful family, friends, and a boyfriend, so I feel like I don’t even deserve to feel depressed, but I do.

I hate how bad the world seems to be. All we ever talk about in school is how terrible people can be (racism, sexism, slavery, discrimination), and my parents say the same things. I keep trying to find good in the world but it gets eclipsed by cruelty. Everyone seems to resent having children or being in committed relationships. I just get frustrated with everyone I […]

Can anyone else relate to needing so much to get it all out of you but at the same time not have the words with which to do so?

I just cannot cope.  I’ve never really been able to very well, but now I just don’t want to.

My mom works in hospice and deals with a lot of shit. I just found out today that she was exposed to hepatitis c. She’s getting tested for it now and she told me that the likelihood of her actually contracting it is very slim. I’m just really worried for her and I’m praying that everything is going to be okay. My mom is a strong woman and has always been there for me….I don’t think I could handle it if she got sick like that. Also, I’ve been feeling really low again. I go through these spurts of happiness and then I just get […]