that voice in my head is loud today. the one that says today could be the day. why not? this depression is going to kill me one way or another might as well be on my terms. i feel like i am dead already. nothing seems to be able to give me any joy or fun. went to a concert last night . i had been looking forward to it. but i didn’t care if we went or not. while it was a great show, the fun, excitement, the losing myself in the music wasn’t there. i can’t escape myself. i can’t escape this soul crushing depression. i am wondering what is left for me . i am medicated to the nth degree, go to therapy. i have been hospitalized, tried ect, what else is there? why am i bothering to continue? does anyone really give a fuck? i don’t think so. suicide seems inevitable. the physical pain, fatigue, mental anguish, all of it seems to be getting worse. how much am i expected to endure? someone please tell me why i should continue to put up with this bullshit. tell me why i shouldn’t kill myself. i am running out of reasons to stay. it seems like i have been screaming forever and no one can hear me.
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4 comments
there must be a reason or problem behind this all? you want to share?
treatment resistant depression. been suffering from it for more than 30 years. have tried all insurance covered treatments. latest therapies- tms, vagnus nerve stimulation et cetera are not covered and cost thousands of dollars. at this point i am literally worth more dead than alive. death is a likely option.
treatment resistant depression. see post.
The world needs to know WHY you are so miserable. If you die, the answers are lost forever. In order to fix problems like these, we need people to strive to be able to communicate Exactly what is wrong… and that might take lots of time and struggling and hurting and therapy… but contributing to the fight against this shit is about as good a “reason to live” as any i can think of.
I know you must HATE being so depressed. Get Mad at it, and channel that into your best efforts at accurately communicating exactly what the problems are.