General

Sometimes I think that maybe the real issue is that possibly I don’t want to get better. How messed up is that? There has got to be some kind of reasoning behind it, but the only thing I can come up with is that I have no idea who that person will be. I’m a complete stranger to myself. Even now. I can’t figure out who I am right now. Obviously I know the general stuff, a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, but really it all ends there. I go day to day, holding merely those titles. And that’s all they are really. […]

Hello,my name is Maja. I hate this world,these people.All I want to do is die.DIE DIE DIEE. But when i think it twice i’d just like to go FU***** FAR,FAR away from this whole thing. Id like to hire a killer to kill me. If you look at my notes,on my mobile phone, it’s all full of wishing to die. I can’t do this anymore. IT HURTS LIKE HELL TO LIVE THIS WAY.IM NOT PERFECT.IM FAT,UGLY AND POINTLESS.NOBODY LOVES ME.WHY SHOULD I THEN EVEN STAY ON THIS PLANET?I know it wouldn’t be better in real hell but i don’t know. 🙁 fuck i want to […]

“they say that the world was built for two only worth living if somebody if loving you”

-lana del rey

This line makes me depressed because im alone but it makes me feel a little hopeful that someday ill find someone who loves me n my life will have value to someone

I just came back from a training week. To come home, to this shithole. No one wants to be here. I left for the week and no one was here. I’ve had 5 addresses since i came back in 2011. My mom has a brain tumor. I’ve had to step up and take care of things. I’ve been in the military since i was 17. i’m 20 now. I got married to my wife to make her happy. i wasnt ready. i’m having a baby because her eggs are dying. i wasnt ready. i love her, i am happy to be married to her. everything […]

im 15, i was intelligent and social and was great at my sport, riding ( debate if its a spot or not, to me it is) but after wasting two weeks of my life doing two seperate all round scholarship examinations i still couldnt afford to get in. i gave up. i was vulnerable, and insecure, my selfesteen dropped, i let guys twice my age use me for sex. i let them get me high, they told me it would make me happy. the school found out everything made a big deal. turns out one guy was a close friend of my best friend of […]

i Hate him..but i love him. he has a GF..and im supposely his best friend…. which i agreed until … like 3  months ago…I mean.. we had this fight.. but now he thinks everything is normal since we’re on good terms. yet i see him treating other girls the way he treats me…. just like a friend.  i feel like he doesnt care about me… . I HATE HER  she treats him like shit. but WATEVER. im waiting for the fucking day yu cry again. cuz i wont hold yu…

i am from a conservative community in India, here marriages are arranged by parents and within same caste. i am an educated self employed woman of 34 years of age, i am ugly and my parents could not fix my marriage in the conventional way .they regard me as a source of their embarrassment( because of my unmarried state).
now about an year back a very nice person from a lower caste has fallen in love with me and i probably could not live without him.
two options for me, die and make it look like an accident and save embarrassment for my parents,
or, […]

I am fourteen and in the past seven months my life has turned upside down. In early September I started getting sick, eventually having to switch to home bound school. After lots of doctors and testing I was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease and POTS. After about a month of home bound school I switched to online school. I have been going through antibiotic treatment for the past six months and have gotten no improvement, if anything i am worse. I have extreme sensory overload which makes it uncomfortable or even painful to go out of the house. I spend most of my day lying […]

I’m guessing that the knife I got for my birthday will have a lot more use than it was ever meant to have. I’m glad nobody knows about this.

I’m angry because people make me feel like I’m not good enough. I’m angry because I’m not. Most of all I’m angry that is rips me apart. No it won’t matter what anyone says. My dad told me to go make friends I can’t make friends because I’m not good enough.

Well I guess I’m not angry anymore about this I guess I’m just really sad. Nothing adds up people think I have problems. Ha. There right I’m one fucked up person I was raised to be stupid and taught to be nothing at all. I hate this really I’m stuck and I can’t get out.

I’m […]

I have no future. No hope of ever seeing my dreams become reality. I’m living in this world of nothingness, knowing it will never be more than nothing. I will never be loved, and even if I am, I could never really believe it, because I could never love myself. I will never be accepted, because I am dark, and people prefer light. I will never be beautiful or thin. I will never have talent or success. I will never be good enough for myself or anyone else. The pain of my past and present make me ache beyond what I can handle. Nobody hears […]

How far I’ve come is astonishing. I still have bad days, believe me. They can really hurt and I hate them. But just looking back at my past and how I was then, compared to my present and how I am now is just mindblowing. I’ve changed so much, and I am very thankful I have. I went from burning bibles to sleeping with one in my arms and praising it. From being high nearly all the time to being fully aware mentally, emotionally, and physically. I don’t think I’ll never be able to express my gratitude to God for how much He has turned […]

I feel like I have nothing to live for. I want to rest. I didn’t ask for this stupid life, so why am I responsible for keeping it up? I just want death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFTLouiUFjI

Ever since I put down my guard to some random person and feel in love with her and I did cheat once in the beginning because she would start fights just for the heck of it and she didn’t want to get attach just like me I guess because she was like me in every way possible that it would be worth the risk but I’ve been hurting ever since then from my deep depression to the miscarriage she fucked up I fucked up and for three weeks I’ve been ok till for some reason Im thinking about her but I thought I’ve finally moves […]

Not sure what to write tonight…

Not sure what to draw tonight

which poses I should do while naked..

I’m a one man pornography crew

my viewers are older men and those who are willing to watch

My body is all I have..

This useless sack of flesh, bone, and blood..

Watch me dance..

Watch me play with my body..

Secretly id love for you to watch me cry..

Watch me bleed

Watch me laugh and scream..

I’m the thief of virtue

I’m the whore of the century

I’m just lost and broken

Lust is all i have

To balance me through the motions

I used to say i was a car that’s unfixable

But now I’m just the letter L

My name is […]