General

All of my problems stem from the family. My mother is more fucked up then I am and she won’t accept it. My step father wants me to act exactly like he did as a kid. I recently tried to commit suicide and failed. I am trying to move passed it but my parents aren’t. I feel as though I’m still at the stress center and am getting really stressed out. I almost cut today but I stopped myself in time. I need help.

All see is grey and red. My world is nothing but hell. The doctors always say ” It gets easier” IT DOESN’T! Do you know where true hell is? The hell that you can’t run from? Its in your head. I’m Greed and am Solitary Walkers friend.

I hate who I am. No matter what I do I fuck up, everytime I have a choice to make both options are wrong.. Everyone would just be better off without me

If I hate being redundant why do I complain about the same things all of the time? Why do I feel the same sort of anxiety and pain daily?

Today is December 1, 2012

I feel horrible today.  My body is in physical pain, and my emotions are blank.  I’m crying a little but I don’t seem to feel anything other than hate, sorrow and physical pain.  I’m sorry my being here and having to witness so much pain and heartache.  Why is it that the people who need help don’t get help and the people who don’t want help get help?  I know I should be taking personal responsibility for my own life, but seriously things that have happened to me in my growing up and childhood are beyond my control.  It’s almost as […]

anybody seen the movie suicide room?

Hello, my name is Mary Beth. I am Christopher’s (help wanted’s) mother. I have thought about coming here for a long time, and finally decided that it is the right thing to do. I was worried that you people would be wondering where he is. I wanted you all to know that he will not be coming back onto this website. My son took his own life some time ago. But I just wanted to personally thank each and every one of you for taking the time to be there for him. He spent lots of time on here and I know that your words meant the world to him. […]

I feel so empty. I have a good life, I have a girlfriend and a loving mother. I figure I’m smart enough and I have a plan for the future.  I’ve a job I enjoy and I’ve a good time at school, but I still feels so empty.  I miss my dad.  I just feel so empty. My gal is depressed because of her life and I don’t blame her. She has had such a hard life that it makes me cry when I think about it. She and I have been going out a year and I have just recently become insanely depressed because my father has decided to move to Nevada (I am in […]

Today, I seriously considered killing myself.

Today, I didn’t do it.

Today, I yelled at myself for not leaving.

Today, my mom found out I cut myself.

Today, my dad tried to send me to a mental hospital.

Today, my brother told to cut myself.

Tonight, I’ll want to let go…

Tonight,  I’ll just cut even deeper.

Tonight, Savannah will convince me to stay here.

Tomorrow, I will hate my guts.

Tomorrow, I will paint that smile on my face.

Tomorrow, no one will even notice that I’m screaming for help

I want to get help I won’t ever get better……

I need some help. I made my exit bag. I went to the store to buy the helium, and realized my debit card has been maxed out (not sure how). I don’t know where to go from here. I need to be ready by tomorrow night at the lightest. That is my checkout time, and I will not be around on Monday morning. I would like to go as painlessly and peacefully as possible, but I will do whatever it takes. It wont matter in the long run, anyway.

Is there ANY way I can use propane to do this? I know that propane does put […]

So I haven’t cut in about a month or two… but today I gave in I couldn’t take it I had to do it. It felt so good to have that burning feeling rush through my arms again. I’m kind of disappointed in myself though. Hmm, oh well. At least I tried.

Im tired. But I have to keep going. I have a headache but I have to keep moving.
I cant give up. But I want to so badly. I need peace. Im so tired of being fake.

Cough Cough*

I’d rather drink your urine,
Swallow your spit,
Then breath in all you bullshit. -Elizabeth

Tricked into going to my friends to “hang out”.. yeah not really.

We get to her house and sit on the couch.. i didnt notice at first, but there was the flashlight with my name on it, and my bestfriends weed, and apple bowl.

Things got ugly.. fast..

Depression. Cutting. Smoking.

it all came up in our very long 3 hour talk.

cant tell you how much i cried..

we talked about the weed.. and the funny thing was.. i had JUST smoked before going over because i though we were just going to be hanging out eating pizza like my mom told me.

so i was smacked. Crying. scared. speechless.

all i wanted to do […]

It’s been such an awful year. My wife who I loved and still do love left me last year without an explanation. Today is my birthday and not a single person remembered. I normally wouldn’t care, but I was looking forward to this. 30th birthday, thought someone would at least text me. Instead I’m alone, with a bottle of whiskey and a microwave dinner. I even called many friends and asked if they’d get dinner, but nobody responded. I’ve never forgotten anyone’s birthday before. I think I’m going to check out. Kinda poetic to try and time my death for 30 years from the moment […]

brain hurts alot more than normal.. fuck SATs and fuck the future.. it’s too hard.

I haven’t written any poetry in a long time…but no better place than here to post what I wrote today

I dream
You live
We watch from far below
I hear what I want
You see what you know
The dark is closing in
And ignorance is crucial
To no know where I’ve been
And distrust the usual
Sometimes in the light
None of us are happy
Take shelter from the bright
I’ll try to keep on living
Wake up
Look down
Suppressed so hard
In darkness we’ll drown
No way
No way
I wish so hard
To come the new day
I dream
You live