General

God, help me. I’m scared of myself. Why? What did I do? I’m so confused. I thought we were good and that everything was ok, but apparently I was ignorant and wrong. Now I worry. I’m so far away, and she is prone to mistakes. God, just let me give up. I’m played out feeling this way. With no one to talk to, this is hard. I long to be sane. I long to not feel. Let me feel nothing ever again. If I could start again. If I could start again. If I could start again. If I could start again. If I […]

Im new here, this is my first, n with any luck also my final post. I realize swallowing antifreeze isn’t going to be at all painless, but at this point i really dont give a fuck. I was just wondering how much a person has to drink to make sure it’s fatal, I’m not trying to wake up to kidney failure, Im only doing this once.

It’s been such a crazy year. I’ve been depressed, burned out, emotionally and mentally drained. I have no interest in thinking about or planning my future. I just kinda do what i like to do: being a sloth. and just wait till sometime next year (maybe summer time since i hate it) when I will off myself. probably self-lynching. I’ve attempted once but had stopped when I realized the timing was off. A classmate of mine who I was becoming friends committed suicide and it was very hard for me. very hard for many people. I just wish I knew what was going on […]

As I lay here, I remember all the words they’ve said to me. That I don’t try. That I don’t care. That I’m a nuisance. That’s 3 new sentences to add to my arm. I lay here with my best friend. He never yells; never makes fun; only writes the truth; let’s me feel real. It’s not a relapse. Not really. It’s more of, reverting. And I wouldn’t be happier any other way.

I wish I could beat happiness into my fucking skull. There’s only room for one sad person in this family and my brother got the slot first. They say if he doesn’t get better by January they’ll put him in the hospital, my mom looks at me like I’m supposed to fix him and I wonder what “getting better” means.

I can’t die and I can’t live.

When I’m with my friends or around people in general, they ignore me unless I’m actively vying for their attention.  When I’m with my friends I can sit there in silence and it’s like I’m invisible to them. Is it my own fault? Am I that boring that no one wants to talk to me unless I make the effort to talk to them first? The effort it takes to act happy and bubbly and fun around them is exhausting. It’s exhausting to have friends. But if I don’t have friends, if I don’t have these people, what will I have? I would be completely […]

I am not suicidal. My bestfriend of 15 years killed herself  December of 2012.

I do not share my story often. Alissa was a very happy go lucky girl. Hardly ever a tear in her eye. No one ever saw it coming. It’s almost been a year and it’s still very hard for me to cope with. I think “what if I wasn’t there as much as I should’ve been?” or “maybe it was my fault or something I said or did?” Sometimes I feel like I told her too much of my problems that she had extra stress on her back that she didn’t need. […]

I first became familiar with this title when I sought homeopathic remedies to a holistic view and cure for my lack of self love. The homeopathist said she was having trouble finding a ‘remedy’ for the self loathing part in me. I thought that was a bit extreme and she asked “what would you call attempted suicide”! I was dumbstruck. I knew I had to find a better relationship with me, but I hadn’t considered the essence of my problem. I have since switched over to the therapist in their organization and have tried to come back from the edge of self-destructiion. Unfortunately the self-hate […]

I feel alone no one ever reaches out there hand to me someone please be different and never leave