For your poems.
You don’t deserve the way my heart aches at the thought of you.
And I can’t stop loving you.
NOTE: This is my personal story. Thoughts about antidepressants were from a slanted point of view of life at the time, and actually I’ve gained a little knowledge in how they actually help people. Trigger warning: this details pretty explicitly my first foray into self injury, as well as fragmented memories as they came about during this time of my life. I don’t appreciate glorifying suicide, and I intend to keep writing my experience on here as a hopeful path to something better than the urge to end it all. It’s disjointed, but it gets my point across how I want it to be.
In Vitro–2007
Ice […]
There is so much pain in my heart. I can’t make you stay and that is breaking me inside and I wish you could se how much I love you, how much I need you. Please help me find a way to tell you, to let you know that without you I am lost. Help me to find a way to tell that I’ll ruin myself to fix you. I’d do anything to fix you. I’d do anything for you.
Wrists of Schist
The secrets I keep,
circle my mind.
Every night,
Never confined.
Like a whispered song,
In a loop that won’t end.
Going and going
‘til it all seems to blend.
the people I’ve hurt.
the torture, the damage.
all of it I wish,
I wish it would vanish
But the pain is too much.
It shows on my wrists.
Seeping out with the blood,
Looking like a schist
Then hiding another secret,
Yet again, another lie.
More cuts, more excuses,
But never do I cry
And each night I still lie there
With the secrets, the thoughts
In hopes of forgetting
The pain that I’ve got
But the pain is still there.
The guilt in my heart
Being etched in it’s stone
Will it tear me apart?
that every lie you speak
sets your lips ablaze
and burns you to the core.
(l.i)
Was life meant to be painful
I thought i was a precious gift from your parents
Its suppose to be joyful
Happy
Pure
Exciting
But its actually a living nightmare
I didn’t know i could despise people so much
Even the ones i love
Im letting them down
Including myself
I just want to get better
Thats all
I don’t want to fall in this massive abyss of sadness
But it feels like i’ve been tumbling
I want to change
But can i escape this depression?
I’m a 32 years old loser and total failure in this so-called “real world / real life / reality”. Is there really no hope for me anymore?
I’m a 32 years old guy from Indonesia. Graduated about 13 years ago from U.S, and then “back for good” to my home country, supposedly working for a family business.
Many people honestly tell me (or view me) as a very talented, even multi-talented person. But unfortunately/sadly, somehow I just lack several few factors yet they are apparently probably the *MOST IMPORTANT* factors in this so-called “real world / real life / reality” .
It’s my mind / constant thinking & […]
I know there’s nothing I can say to the image left inside you.. when brilliant light decides to shine through..the dark illuminates behind truth..
And you can leave it all behind you..settle for a life I lied to make myself to seem above cruel intentions for a failed youth..
And i can see it leaves a fever.. my faith will make me a believer.. burning every time I see her put her hands together just to pray for me..
There are many fears unspoken.. more than many bones unbroken.. try to close me when I’m open..but i shed a light to see..
But you won’t see me […]
Virtual Reality is an escape from Reality ,
Virtual Reality is the escape from Reality ,
this boring Reality (Reality is boring ) !
this boring real life (real life is boring ) !
this boring real world (real world is boring ) !
boring life ( life is boring) !
Seriously, when Reality is boring & mundane (even real Science is boring & mundane too, science fiction (sci-fi) is better than boring science real ! ) , Virtual Reality is the only TRUE / REAL progress for humanity / mankind / our human species !
with Virtual Reality (VR) technology , we can enter into […]
When you look at me like that, I don’t get it, I just can’t breathe at all. When you look at me like that, You make alive what I thought it was dead inside me. And all I want is learn a way of how to let you know…
Today i am feeling happy and its been hard lately, but i want to share my happiness with all of you because every single person deserves and has the right to be HAPPY! You are strong and you are worth it, keep fighting <3
***Spread the happiness***
I try. I try to do everything. I try to keep you happy. I try to really hard to keep you from getting upset. I try to get everything done. I try to finish what I start. I try to make you happy.
I try to be a good mom. I try not to give too much advice or leeway, but it seems I just cant find the right balance.
I try to be there for you when you need someone. I try to make myself available to you for just about everything. I try to make sure your always comfortable. I try to keep […]
Fell to black and stitches blue
These scars all tell a story of you
science is boring !
science fiction is better than science fact !
sci-fi is better than science fact !
real science is boring !
Reality is boring ! Reality sucks !
Real life is boring ! Real life sucks !
Real world is boring ! Real world sucks !
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
I HATE MONEY […]
Suddenly i realized that it is not my nightmares i am afraid of, or the monster that hides inside me, nor the ghosts that hide in the corners or the darkness inside my mind.. i realize that what I’m actually afraid of is being alone.. “alone” that awful word to hear.
It took 18 years to remember
You want five to forget
Forget about it.
I never thought I could survive to college. I never saw myself in a dorm. I never saw friends.
But I did. I didn’t live in a dorm. I rented a two-bedroom house with a fenced yard for my two adopted dogs. I went to class. It’s my fifth year in school, and yeah my past caught up to me, and yeah I had a few slip-ups, but I am going to graduate in May with honors- a GPA above 3.0.
So why?
Why do I want to die now?
Of all times, places, people, memories, why now?
I […]
by some garden hoes yesterday keep an eye on your local hoes everyone
Sometimes I’m so tired. I can’t focus my eyes. I barely sleep. My days are a chain of endless blurs. I don’t remember much. I smoke because it makes me feel tough like a soldier fighting a war. Every moment is a battle. It is sometimes perforated by bits of light or a funny moment. I cling to it as it fades and slips through my fingers like the vapor of something once solid.
Hi
I’m sharing my story, because it seems to make me feel better, which I’d guess is point of this site.
I’ve always had sensitivity, anxiety, and depression issues, (undiagnosed), but often medicated with once drugs and nowadays alcohol as a have a kid which has straightened me out some. I’ve managed to keep a good job, but have generally isolated myself. I’ve had thoughts of suicide in the past, but i’ve generally managed to form some kind of stability in work, sleep overs with my kid and the occassional binge drinking episode. A lonely existance, yet stable for me and also held together with a little […]
Dirty Paws when I am at peace.
Any Other Name when I am gone.
King and Lionheart when I love.
Cannot Pretend when I am not loved.
Born to Die from beginning to end.
Stolen Dance when I am remembered.
Eyes On Fire when I destroyed.
Apologize when I regretted destroying.
Like Real People Do when it almost seemed real.
Broadripple Is Burning at my final hour.
Sex and Candy when it was just fun and games.
Reptilia at my best.
Blackout Days when you’re absent.