Tonight I am sad. Tonight I am lonely. The Demons are screaming and I need you to hold me.
Category:
Stories of Hope
ill never be able to accept love , i just don’t see how it is possible.I have done so much wrong. He shows me more love than anyone in my entire life ever has and yet all i can think about is jumping off that cliff or slicing my wrists and watching all the pain end, but i know that no matter how much i wish for that I could never be that selfish…..never! Â I have more than so many people in this world so please tell me why i wish of this every night, tell me why that when Someone I finally actually likes […]
Unhappy, Angry, low self esteem, Always feel like I’m outside looking in, where do I fit in? ashamed of myself, I feel so stupid, when I turn And walk away they are talking bad about me, I can feel it… I Insult you to hide my insecurity and pain, I say I Hate you when I just wanted a hug, Where was Dad when I needed his love?.. I feel like I’m Dying, Will Anyone notice or Even care?….. Years Later, Frown Lines, Eyes Weary so much mental Pain Even my body aches, I fucking give, I can’t take […]
So… I haven’t posted in a while. Most of you won’t care, others might be curious, but… Though I only posted here a few times, I thought I should give an update. An explanation.
I’m fifteen years old. I’m not an attention seeker. And I’m not faking.
A few months ago, I cracked. Years of trauma and abuse piled up until I just couldn’t take it any more. I fell into a dark place. I started cutting, stopped eating… Sometimes for weeks on end. I was miserable. Lost all of my friends. Eventually my parents took me to a counselor. But that just made things worse. I […]
It’s been 3 years since i last made a post on here about my depression. Let’s just say I’m the happiest I’ve really ever been. I coped with my depression by exercising and being healthy, doing so I lost 20 pounds in the process which I am happy about. When year 10 of school started I decided I would try something risky and I did. I tried out for the foreign exchange program to go overseas. With the risky decision I succeeded and am now going to Germany in July. And this is all because I found a way to cope with my depression and […]
Visions I’ve been dreaming are coming down, they’re changing my future. Visions I had buried underground returning to abuse me. I’m getting worse, I can’t sleep. I thought that the feeling was gone, but it’s getting stronger. And I miss him, I miss him so much. I’m missing him like never before. But still, can’t be with him, can’t tell him, can’t dream about it. It hurts, like hell. I just want to be okay. I just, want to.
I thought I could end it with ease. All I had to do was step off Instead I just sat there frozen. How come I couldn’t do it after all I’ve been through? Everyday wishing it would end. I just can’t understand how I could be scared of death.       I’m such a *****!
If you are reading this, please listen with an open heart.
My best friend committed suicide on March 14th. She had an account on this website that i just came across and she had posted asking about ways she could do it, and my already shattered heart broke a thousand times more as i read the comments telling her how. As much as apart of me wants to respond with so much anger to anyone who encouraged her in how to end her life, a bigger part of me also breaks for all the others who were in her same numb state. She had talked with […]
So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better. The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic. I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Georgia_Mass_Choir_-_The_Best_of_My_Story.mp3
where can I go where there is nowhere to go to who can I talk to who isn’t already playing what can I do when they have everything laid out and planned for me already wtf can i get my shock now can I get my whatever the hell they gone give me now I don’t care anymore commit me, kill me, anything is better than submitting. I don’t believe andi don’t have to I lost enough of my soul and I don’t care who don’t believe me: who I am, what I am supposed to be idont care who believes me or not […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/J-MOSS-AFRAID.mp3
Do I have to?
I feel like I have to lose my soul
To make someone else whole
Because my life is not worth to live
Who will claim me?
Never
Who claims me?
The devil has touched my soul
Taken my soul
And unless I submit
I shall never be healed again
Born from a rape
Created in a laboratory
Who is enabled to tell me the truth
God knows
God sees all
Why won’t people help me?
I don’t understand
A sacrifice thru a ritual
All their souls bound to hell
God help us all
Psalms 41 to tell
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/3_Doors_Down_-_Kryptonite.mp3
I’m a defector
proud to say
no matter what they try
I will get away
The calling for the spirit guide
is beneath what I need
Faith amidst my poverty
I can’t help but succeed
It’s a crown
fit for a king
nevertheless the darkness haunts and seeks me
They shall not prevail
neither shall they reign
For the cry from the humble man
out tested their fame
shame nevertheless encompass and shadows me
I pray that my God that I serve will hopefully forgive me
I am not what they say
nor what they think
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Hinder_-_Lips_Of_An_Angel.mp3
All my life
I have seemed to fail
Satan says I am destined to hell
little do he know less what he think
out of all of his accomplishments, reigns, and victories
still I hold to God for it is to Him I cling
Resonating sounds of the angel sing
I love the song, mountain, and hill
although he comes to steal, destroy, and kill
Defective equipment is all I have
Knock it down a little once more
Forsake me not Lord
For I am not a whore
scarred, pain staken and stricken
I hide my eyes
because I’m tired of them seeing somethin’
pain, love, jealous, and shame
happy, mad, sick, and leave
Not at the end
It can’t be right now
I’m […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Evanescence_-_Sweet_Sacrifice.mp3
I’m am beginning to feel better now that I am here. I feel like I have made some friends even tho I know the connections may or may not be real. I hope to heal one day. I remember when I used to pray. I used to pray everyday but now I can’t seem to do nothing ubt think about praying. I remember the times when I was publicly humiliated in church. I had always wanted to go now I see why so many people didn’t/don’t go. I know its always gonna be why me. I know I am always gonna feel why me.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Let-Her-Go-Jasmine-Thompson-Music-Download-Paradise-Pro.mp3
I ain’t gonna make I have no friends
I am becoming my own worst enemy once again
Why doesn’t anybody care?
Why won’t nobody help me?
All of this for a stupid prophecy!?
All of my life I have pretended not to know
Everything good thing I had have now become owed
I’m trying to cry, trapped with pain
My god is the only reason I am still the same
I’m sick, no help no doctor a queue
I’m lonely, no friends, no one real in my life to talk too
The things they have done and what I have had to do […]
I made a promise to never disappear and bring sadness. So, before I can disappear I have to ask people close to me if I can, if I’m still needed. If only one says yes to if I can disappear, then I will. 4 of 5 said I can’t. One will not answer me, thanks to that asshole who ruins my life. So, I must stay. Until I am no longer needed. We will see on Monday.
For every broken Angel of Darkness, there is a Knight of Shadows, who have the same or similar pain. Sometimes they don’t. The Knights are supposed to protect the Angel from others and themselves. They can’t all the time, but they still try.
A problem with being a Knight, like me, is that we are so busy protecting our Angels, that we don’t protect ourselves. We don’t have Knighta to rely on, so we slowly fall apart. Sometimes the Angel is the Knight. I do not have a personal Angel, and my Knight barely looks at me anymore. I guess my job is done, but it […]
When one looks at them selves in the mirror, what are they really looking at? Their true selves? Or an Idea of ones self? I have been looking At an idea of myself my entire life. Holding myself on a pedastool, thinking that I am a genuine person with no flaws. But living a lie is what has caused my pain. What I am always looking at is different to another s eye. Over the last few months I have been trying to understand the bad, all the flaws that de-beautify my self image. Yeah looking at the ugly can disgust ones self, but its […]
well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to lie with […]