Bound and Treasured

I ain’t gonna make I have no friends
I am becoming my own worst enemy once again
Why doesn’t anybody care?
Why won’t nobody help me?
All of this for a stupid prophecy!?
All of my life I have pretended not to know
Everything good thing I had have now become owed
I’m trying to cry, trapped with pain
My god is the only reason I am still the same
I’m sick, no help no doctor a queue
I’m lonely, no friends, no one real in my life to talk too
The things they have done and what I have had to do to get this far
I’m just trying to stay alive man, that ain’t to bizarre
I had a dream last night of how my mother was beat
I know that my daddy molested and played with me and every time I saw my brother, my spirit called his name Billie
I’ve tried to die since I was 13
now that someone purposely have given me syphilis, and AIDS I still find my life worth living
But I go to the store and he called me trash a you punk whose daddy used to beat him and still possibly do crack
I’m not afraid to die that I admit
so go ahead and do it already My sins I regret the ones I have already committed. they eat at me everyday,  I hate it, why don’t they just believe in God and they could have just left me out of it. But know all my life I have disgusted people and put them to shame now I just look up waiting on that day. I hope I blow up, they shoot me and I die, poison me again, exploit me some more Its not like I can hide. My only hope is that God will forgive me for not being afraid to die. in his word says one measure of wheat for a penny three for barley, parables of the wheat and the tariff, and the sower and the seed. But all I can think about is not about me. I know it’s all a trap but I got to keep on living. I want to love, but I got to keep my pain because if I don’t I will always feel like I have nothing to gain. I lie to myself and tell myself I am pretty, but the truth is I aint and I certainly don’t want to be skinny. I’m gonna change my weight, my hair, and whatever else of me I have to spare beacause the truth is I have run out of time and I was created for nobody to care.