So where to start-almost 60 yrs old, would be considered successful by most, I guess. But I feel it’s all a lie. I’m not as good as people think I am at my job- if I do something praiseworthy it’s more by accident than skill. Most of my life has been like that. I’m really not that good at anything! I have a family, very proud of my son, but I think everyone else in the family just looks at me as a paycheck. Every day I stress about letting them down somehow, or disappointing them, which according to my wife I do on regular […]
it’s not a good start I know, but I’m on the edge. and I try and try to hold on even when I want to let go.
But, I’m torn. I’m so…torn between letting go and holding on. I’m holding on for the love that burns me whole, for the woman that held me anchored to this earth for almost six years. the more I try and show her my twisted heart the more I push her away into another’s arms. and my heart bleeds. it just makes it all the more harder to keep the promise I made her, to be there for her […]
I don’t feel like I’m human. I don’t subscribe to whatever it is you feel anymore. It all feels like it’s so far away from myself.
So what am I? I don’t even know. For 10 years I feel like I’ve just been imitating the personalities of other people, and that’s what I was; a shell around a void, just to try fit in, to feel like I belong.
Now all that has failed and crumbled away, just like the people. I feel only indifference or anger towards those I see or think about. Their words circle in my mind like torture constantly.
I think about what I would […]
Death.
You heard me. All I want from this life, all I’m asking, is to just fucking die. I don’t want no well-paid job, no expensive car(s), no bank accounts full of money… I just want to be exterminated from this world, and return to my place of origin, the place I was before being born, wherever that is…
The thing holding me back? My parents. They might not feel very close to me (well, at least one of them may not), but I love them more than anything, even though they walk on my fucking nerves sometimes and don’t give a fuck about how I feel…
My […]
NOTE: This is my personal story. Thoughts about antidepressants were from a slanted point of view of life at the time, and actually I’ve gained a little knowledge in how they actually help people. Trigger warning: this details pretty explicitly my first foray into self injury, as well as fragmented memories as they came about during this time of my life. I don’t appreciate glorifying suicide, and I intend to keep writing my experience on here as a hopeful path to something better than the urge to end it all. It’s disjointed, but it gets my point across how I want it to be.
In Vitro–2007
Ice […]
I feel lonely in this whole world and I feel everyone have a close person to them who understands them but I don’t have anyone. I’m trying to be happy and be positive but I can’t to ignore my loneliness and I really want to die. why there is no more true friends?? why there is no more true love?? why people are like monsters?? why life is hard??? I want to release this pain that I’m trying to hide but I cant anymore !!! I need someone beside me
Everything has become so fucked up. I use to be so good at holding my emotions in check, tucking everything away in a forbidden portion of my psyche. That all ended tonight. I cried tonight like I have never cried before. And while it was a much needed release, it was bitter sweet.
Maybe it was the alcohol that triggered all of this. Maybe it was the insurmountable guilt that has compounded over the years. I honestly don’t know.
You see, I wish I hadn’t held these feelings in for so long. I wish I could turn back the unforgiving hands of time. I wish I told her […]
This is my first time posting here and I’m not really sure whether I’m on the right track regarding what this site is about…
For the past 3 years I have had reoccurring suicidal thoughts and a couple of failed attempts. The idea of being free from this life is so inviting! In a way, I’m ashamed and I know that I don’t want to hurt my family. I’m trying to remove these thoughts from my head but the battle is tough. The only thing stopping me is knowing that I don’t want my younger siblings to ever suffer as I am.
My self esteem is pitiful. […]
Hi everyone – it’s been a while. Has anyone given any thought to the location when thinking about suicide. I have my method and date picked out, but I haven’t decided on a location. My method can travel anywhere with me (luckily, I have an allergy I can exploit very easily). The date is going to be my birthday (I always had some sort of weird pleasure walking around cemeteries and seeing graves where people died on their birthday… I’m weird like that). I never gave it much thought until now – I thought I would just die in my house, but now I’m thinking […]
There is so much pain in my heart. I can’t make you stay and that is breaking me inside and I wish you could se how much I love you, how much I need you. Please help me find a way to tell you, to let you know that without you I am lost. Help me to find a way to tell that I’ll ruin myself to fix you. I’d do anything to fix you. I’d do anything for you.
I just smole weed and drink alchohol and fucked q girl but i still.want death wtf?
What are your thoughts?
Im still in highschool but im wondering if i should go or not go because its so much money and more time spent in school. And once I graduate Its not that easy to find a job, and I don’t know.
I’m freaking out a bit
I don’t want to go to college but I also don’t want to wake up and hate my life and regret not going to college. I honestly thought about killing myself right after highschool just so I don’t have to deal with my future.
But I know that’s not the way to go its just a thought
Im also not […]
Employers can’t even f**king be honest about why they’re not hiring me. I’m definitely NOT “overqualified” to babysit someone’s child for two hours for just one day.
I’m reaching a point as to were I just give up on being my true self, being my true self is fucking up so much shit in my life, its fucking up my family, my relationship with my fiancé, and making any new friends is impossible as all I can do is try to maintain the ones I currently have. Plus with my fiancé its truly fucking everything up, she suffered a big emotional blow a month ago and she doesn’t need my shit, but no, the fact that I must know everything that seems slightly suspicious or posts online because I have this fear […]
It doesn’t matter how many jobs I’ve applied to, or how many interviews I have attended in the past three weeks. I don’t have a job yet (yes, I’ve researched and rehearsed and planned a lot of interview questions and first impressions) and I won’t in time. My car note, my father’s birthday, Christmas, and rent….and I have zero, and I somehow am even failing to sell anything but one single textbook, which was only $50 that went towards my car note. I’m very scared. Especially since losing my car means I have no way of getting to jobs.
What is it about truths that we look for them in every aspects of our existences? What makes them to be “the right ” thing? when has any truth ever helped anyone?
The earth revolves around the Sun, that is true, but how the Fuck does that matter. Do we live for the knowledge that the earth’s mundane rotation can somehow give us enlightenment?
The thing about truths is that they depend on your perspective. here’s a case in point, just a few hours ago, I told the woman of my dreams that I had once loved another before I met her. safe to say […]
sometimes you loose sense of everything, especially, if you are all surround by you enemies. And indiana jones doesn’t seem, he is their to save you. But rather to see you get scavenge. One wise man has said, the worst enemy of yours is always closer to you and you won’t know him until the itching voice of the trigger getting pulled down. And you are so close to your defeat such that, you don’t even have the time to calculate how much time you have left. Hmm… A wise man, eh ? But then once you know him; even on that little time, you […]
Hi ,
I’m new on here and I thought I would try this out since most days nothing else seems to really help. My boyfriend doesn’t know how to handle my episodes , on the bad days. I know he tries the best he can to help me.. but its more complicated then that . I feel like my friends have given up on me, all they care about is partying and there lives are just moving on while I sit here in my apartment trying to fight through my depression. I don’t want to tell them what I’m thinking or feeling because I don’t want […]
sometimes you loose sense of everything, especially, if you are all surround by you enemies. And indiana jones doesn’t seem, he is their to save you. But rather to see you get scavenge. One wise man has said, the worst enemy of yours is always closer to you and you won’t know him until the itching voice of the trigger getting pulled down. And you are so close to your defeat such that, you don’t even have the time to calculate how much time you have left. Hmm… A wise man, eh ? But then once you know him; even on that little time, you […]
Killing myself tonight. Everything is lost. I’ve been on here for a year, yet I can’t only have this.