Death.
You heard me. All I want from this life, all I’m asking, is to just fucking die. I don’t want no well-paid job, no expensive car(s), no bank accounts full of money… I just want to be exterminated from this world, and return to my place of origin, the place I was before being born, wherever that is…
The thing holding me back? My parents. They might not feel very close to me (well, at least one of them may not), but I love them more than anything, even though they walk on my fucking nerves sometimes and don’t give a fuck about how I feel…
My dad just went out of the house. Only thing he told me is ”Listen to your mother”, before departing the home… So, if I am correct, and I am SURE that is what he is planning on doing, he’s going to have his… 4th suicide attempt. And if he manages, then I will lose half of my own motivation to keep going…
I think I’m going into a manic, fucking happy phase again… I can feel the unusual energy surge through me already… It’s no good… I’ll turn aggressive again and maybe locked up, since I can’t control my violent urges when I’m in this phase…
Or, I might as well kill myself right now. I mean, I could easily die from alcohol overdose if I down both my 2 1.5-liter bottles of Vodka. Plus I know a lot of drug dealers who sell cheap, dangerous shit. Maybe I could combine an alcohol OD with an ecstasy OD… Hmmmm…
Anyway, just another ramble from my sick mind. For now I just want to know if my father’s okay… Shit, our family’s been cursed with suicidal tendencies, I guess…
4 comments
I am so sorry about your father…I really, really hope he’s okay! Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help or if you need anyone to talk to!!!
I can also relate staying on this earth for someone else, as I’m pretty sure I’d be gone by now if it weren’t for my parents. I’d hate to leave them behind with the pain of losing a child, so I stick around in my own pain just for them. So, I totally understand your feelings of staying on this earth for the love of your parents even though all you really want is peace from death. I can totally relate…
Like I said, message me if you need someone to talk to!
Hey Alexther, haven’t seen you in a while. How’s the music career going? Hope everythings okay.
I sorry to hear about your suicidal thoughts. But I can relate. I have been there many times. Presently I am not suicidal but if I were to die somehwo naturally it wouldnt bother me you know.
Yes this life can he hard. and I am sorry to hear about your Dad and that suicide rns in your family too. Alcoholism and suicide has been in my family too. I had to grandprents that drank themselves to death. Hard core alcoholics to the very end. I had one uncle kill himself with a drug overdose and his life was a mess with drugs and alcohol and being in trouble all the time for years beore he ended it. and he was only 32 when he killed himself.
I have attemted suicide a few times in my life. But I lived through it and after I lived through it I got som help and then rededicated my life toward getting better and making life better for myself and my life has gotten much better. In fact I have more peace and more things to be thankful about now then ever and I have even more good things coming into my life in the near future. So I just want you to know that things can get better for you. You dont have to ed your life. Try to have a positive attitude and take some steps to make things better for yourself.
I hope you find strenght to live and find hapiness IT CAN BE DONE
you can turn it around. The thing about death is that it is just so final.
Like once a person does that to themselves they cant undue it
so it makes more sense to TRY to make life worhtwhile foryourself no matter
how many big changes you need to make before you do that.
Thats what I suggest. You make some BIG changes in your life
start life all over for yoursef somehw.
He’s okay… Turns out he hid himself in the fucking basement… Pathetic old idiot giving me a headache with this kind of shit… Oh well, still love my dad though…