Hello there. I’m me. I’m confused and I still don’t like myself.

Am I the only who feels so compelled to run away all the time? I feel like I want to run away from my life. From everything I have. From all of my life. From my experiences. From reality.

I want to run away to restart. You’re right. There are no restarts in life. But. Everything we do in life is based on our definitions, no?

Ah. I’m sorry. One day I will. I might or might not bring you. But this sounds like a pretty good future in my imagination.

Right. Running away. I should run […]

my life is boring.their is no hope to live the life  the way i wanted.i haven’t  done  nothing which i like in my life.i gave up my career. their is no hope to live. im ending my life. this is my best decision in my life.

I had an epiphany today. Sitting in my geometry (or geography… Maybe it’s geology. I really don’t know) class it came to me; I know how I’m going to die. I’m gonna call some local dive bar up (because what will transpire shouldn’t be  witnessed by anyone under 21) and tell them I’m a Romanian Gypsy magician called Bogdan the Mysterious, and am come a long way to teach the wonders of the gypsy people to the west. Once they give me the ok, I look for 8 willing midgets and a trained juggling bear to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity.

When the […]

I’ll be honest, I only found this website because of a research paper I’m doing of a local community issue for my university English 111 class. I picked ‘suicide prevention’ as my topic because that was the one I know the most about. I might just be an average joe but I feel like I can relate to some on here. Though it feels like my situation was nothing compared to you guys.

I was born in Bellevue, Nebraska on the Air Force Base with a “disability.” I wouldn’t really call it one but it doesn’t enable me to do certain things. I was born with […]

…

Ok, soap box time.
I have to comment about Brittany Maynard, a terminal cancer patient, and her decision to end her life through assisted suicide. And about Kara Tippetts, who is battling metastatic breast cancer.
First off I wish to say I applaud both women for making tough and brave choices.
That being said Kara Tippetts wrote an open letter that lobbies for Brittany to reverse her decision. Her argument is made on primarily religious grounds.
My point is not who is right or wrong but rather how the argument is made.
If Kara had said in an article/blog that assisted suicide is wrong, fine. […]

There’s nothing more to say

Here at the end, will I find

Unleash, are you my monster

Are you all mine, all mine

Thank you for being so sweet

Be my little flower, take me

I’ve gone crazy, are you

Can I see you tonight, Maurice

Let me know, let me know

You want to Samba, you want to fight

Let’s f***

Monster rally

So they blocked this website at work. I’m not sure if they saw that i was visiting it an inordinate amount daily or it’s a coincidence. I can’t really look at it as often as I’d like.

I stayed home today. but I called in sick, showered and ate so I think i’m doing pretty good. I’m not letting things fall apart but I don’t know how I’m gonna make it tomorrow.

I feel stupid. I’m a bit ashamed of my sadness but at the same time I want to be out about being sad and sometimes suicidal. I hate the stigma. the fact that I’ve used […]

I am not certain what to type here.

A few years ago these tendencies, these thoughts, would feel foreign to me.  To put it mildly, life was pretty good.  I had a significant other who wanted to marry me, I was a straight A college student, and I had a broad pick of graduate programs to further my degree.

Now?

Enter the cliche story; she left me for a friend, college ended into a dead end midnight job, and graduate school did not work out.  After diving in the deep end into jobs just to stay afloat for the past year, I am now left jobless(at 26), and I had […]

theres got to be a way

I’ve been super crazy busy and I hate that I don’t have time to come on here and read posts, comment or write anything. You are all awesome and have been so amazing to me, so I just wanted to pop in and say hi and that I’m still here, just working a lot and busy trying to find a second job. Crazy crazy life never slows down, haha.

I hope you all are well and hopefully I’ll get my schedule balanced out soon. I miss chatting with you guys.

<3

EK

Someone really helped me. It’s long, but I want to put it into words and share.

Yesterday I felt extremely lonely. Devoid of all emotion. I just…couldn’t feel anything at all.

Almost anything. Just when I looked in the mirror and saw age spots and gray hair on someone so young it just showed the fighting I’ve been doing and stress of my life. At that moment I felt anger, worthlessness, and wasted years. It was like all of the emotions I’ve felt were physically manifesting themselves as a cruel reminder, every time I look the mirror – looking back at me.

I was thinking about suicide…again…but I […]

My birthday is always a difficult one for me to swallow. I’m always alone, depressed, thinking of what it would be like to be released from such a hell.

I see people my age hand in hand, laughing hanging out having a good time, enjoying life.  I’m alone and in pain that has become so familiar it’s like an adopted friend I can always count on to be there. The familiar sting, burning sensation I almost swear is right under my skin as the pain wraps it’s arms around me in a loving embrace.

I had a girlfriend who recently broke it off and told me, she […]

Hi,

This is my first time posting here. I have read a few posts just now after getting out of the shower. I’m an 18 year old girl. I was just cutting myself in the shower for the thousand time. I have been cutting myself since I was about 14 however I have always been suicidal. I used to try to suffocate myself at 8 which seems silly because that would never work. I have tried to overdose on pills but that didn’t work. Now it doesn’t even hurt to cut anymore. I have cut my arms, my stomach, my hips, and my legs. I’m a […]

Where a humble shack at

Some might think of this as just exaggeratory, but I am coming up on a birthday that I consider a milestone/breaking point in life. Has anyone ever gotten to similar points where all an upcoming date reminds you of is how much hasn’t been accomplished, or happened for you? I really don’t want to see that day, and keep hoping I can get to a peace with my death because I don’t see much after that day. Anyone have similar experiences/perspectives? This song sums it up nicely for me……

I’ve been dealing with this pain for so long… I’ve attempted so many times. I can’t take this anymore. it kills me. I’m afraid to make friends because they’ll all just leave me by death or turning against me. I’m so sick and tired of crying myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And feeling like a fucking mistake to my parents. Why was I born? My mom should have fucking got an abortion. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE! IT’S TO FUCKING HARD! LET ME GO! PLEASE PLEASE LORD LET ME DIE! I can’t do this anymore. I’m ready to pull the damn trigger and […]

Hello everyone.

Yes, I’m still here.

I was about to do it but called a very important person to say goodbye. Someone I love very much. Someone I had once but do no longer.  They told me that they couldn’t be with me if I was gone. So with that little bit of hope, I put the bottle away. I still have my suicide date set for the day after Thanksgiving (how ironic), but for now, I’m hanging in there.

Thank you to everyone who answered my last post. It meant a lot to me.

Today before getting on the tube, I saw two fire engines and a police car pull up and go downstairs. I thought there might be a fire. Another blank police car turned up. Then a couple more fire engines. They took a stretcher down. Eventually an ambulance came too. I tried to go downstairs but it was closed.

I went to get the bus and said I wondered what had happened. He said that there was a man under the train. He didn’t know if he was dead. He was under his carriage.

I said I hoped that the person I was talking to was ok. […]

what is a permalink? it appeared out of nowhere i did not put it there… hello how are you doing? i hope you are alright. i thought about this place now because i am going to put an end on it and i would like someone to know it i want to say it i want to say it to someone who is not going to lock me up and say i am crazy i know i am insane i’ve had enough i am not even distressed i know what i should do and i am calm i already told my mom i am going […]