I need a break from this loneliness that is consuming me so quickly…
My newest and probably last song. I havent been on for a bit. I have really been trying to feel better. But I cant. She is the most beautiful woman in the world and the 2 of them were my everything. I dont want to do this without them. I cant keep going on faking that im ok. Im not. Soon, I will be gone and I wont be a burden or bother to anyone anymore.
I hope one day she sees this and will know how much they ment to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-vGzh3tj1Y
I can’t wait until the day i return to nonexistence. I hate the world, I hate what humans have done to the world. They destroyed it like they do everything else. I look at just about everyone with disdain. I have nothing to live for, no kids, pets, hopes or dreams. I care about my family, but not enough to tolerate this world for them.
The only thing really stopping me is my fear or failing and ending up as a vegetable or paralyzed from the neck down. I’m trying to convince my mother to buy a shotgun so I can eradicate the possibility or either […]
No words can ever express THE FULL EXTENT of how fed up and done with this steaming pile of dogshit we call human society, on this rock, in this universe with these laws of physics, as I am. I’ve surpassed the thin boundaries of apathetic, I am a void with human form. The unbelievably idiotic things I hear people say and think on a regular basis make me want to use a metal baseball bat to smash their heads in. The gene pool is polluted by people who should’ve been strangled several times over already. Fuck they’re dumb as rocks.
Maintain, maintain, maintain, maintain, and maintain. […]
I’m scared. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared that I won’t, can’t feel. See, since the day I was born I have had this steadily growing indifference to life. For the past year I’ve been getting this feeling that everything is meaningless, pointless and that terrifies me. I just want to know that if someone I love dies I can feel the pain in losing them, actually be able to cry, somehow force myself to care. I don’t know how I move day to day with this feeling so ingrained in my soul that at some point I’ll feel nothing, not even the fear of […]
I don’t really know why I am posting here or why it is that I am sharing this with strangers.
I think all the things happening in my life right now that have driven me over the edge are irrelevant.
The anxiety and pain are almost gone and I feel completely numb.
I thought about Suicide before, many times. And every time I got very close.
Right now I am as close to finalizing it as never before, being alone in a hotel room, away from my loved ones, with 7 bottles of prescription pills lined up in the side table.
And the silly thing is, all I can think […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSUIQgEVDM4
I question my existence every waking minute. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep, I live within nightmares whether lucid or subconsciously. I have tried everything to change my mind but there is nothing left for me here. I fear myself to be a burden to those whom I love and in my demise I feel as though I would free them of their constant angst due to the worry they possess for me. The problem is; I don’t want to die! But I am not living. This is not living. I am merely respiring, merely going through the motions of being alive. Yet […]
Caring isn’t an option for me, as much as I hate to say it. I can’t just look at someone and ignore their pain. Yes, I may be blind to it at first but as it becomes apparent to me, I feel it as my own. And that’s the one thing I truly hate myself for. Because I’m incapable to hold a grudge or to sabotage someone because of something they did to me. Forgiveness comes easy- almost too easy at times.
I wish I could distance myself from people like people have done to me. Honestly, it would be so much easier and my […]
My life is perfect today.This depression is deafening. I cant see a thing. My vision is blurred. All I can dream of is death, I just in no way can tolerate one more day, I willingly want to die but I feel im being selfish. Im so much hurt that death looks beautiful. I need the stable peace, I have tried twice this time im jumping off a high building if I can have access to one. Im yet to complete my suicide note. I dont want to hurt my family, but I know im doing it very soon.. everything in my life is in […]
Since 2002, I have been making the same mistake again and again. What is permanent is the despair and the gradual loss of confidence till the point that I’m scared of interacting with my boss and colleagues fearing I’m wrong and stupid and can’t do much.
It all started with a marriage which lasted for 3 months. We got married after going around for almost 5 years. and the reason given was as stupid as-” You don’t earn enuf and can’t and will not be able to take care of me”. Of course I was not earning well that time, much lesser than my partner, I […]
I’ve been more depressed these days, listening to sad songs such as;
Youth – Daughter
Who you are – Jessie J
To build a Home – The Cinematic Orchestra
Before You Start Your Day – Twenty One Pilots
Those songs really get to me. They have a huge background, because I used to listen to them two or three years ago when my life was really going downhill.
I’ve met some friends online, but two of them lied to me. But not just a little white lie.. It was like huge ones for both of them.
One of them – Named Lauren – She lied about getting raped, getting pregnant, then being stabbed.. […]
Still miss you.
BY ANNE SEXTON
Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
Even then I have nothing against life.
I know well the grass blades you mention,
the furniture you have placed under the sun.
But suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build.
Twice I have so simply declared myself,
have possessed the enemy, eaten the enemy,
have taken on his craft, his magic.
In this way, heavy and thoughtful,
warmer than oil or water,
I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.
I did not think […]
So I don’t know if this will help, or make me feel worse, but I’m finding it difficult to deal with the present moment so I need to do something – anything – to avoid sinking lower.
Earlier this year I realized something about myself that I could no longer deny. I am transgender. It was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced to have all of these things just click in a moment, and then no matter what I did, it was all I could think about.
At first, I just thought about what it would be like to have been born the gender I felt […]
The past few months have been really hard, with the experiences of my past and the relationships I have with my family now, I feel like I can’t go on with all of this rubbish.
I see a therapist to help me try to get back on track with my life and I take anti-depressants, but I feel like my reactions and emotions with what has happened is permanently seared into my heart and soul. Whenever I wake up and I get that painful stab in my chest, you the feeling of your heart literally breaking. I cry almost everyday, longest I have gone without crying […]
Hi everybody, my name is Dolunay 34y male.
I found myself in this website by chance, I’m not suicidal at all but it shocked me to see all these confused spirits, & it saddens me to see they have reached to this blocked way.
I love offering my help by listening (at least) & I promise to not misjudge or misunderstand, & I’d love to read from anybody. don’t hesitate to send to my email, I’ll reply gladly;
goods_maker@yahoo.com
love you all, have a nice day.
To let go of all the bad shit in my life, or anything for that matter? Because I can never seem to let go of anything in life and I have no clue why. I had crappy friends that I stopped being friends with and yet they are still in my life I still give them opportunities, like wtf? But last night I realized this isn’t the life I want for myself. I want to be happy have good friends I want to be in love and be with someone who loves me. But I ruin that for myself I met this cool guy and […]
Is anyone on here from Australia? Or is it just me? I feel so disconnected. Everything I find is in America…
I decided to colour my hair the other day, to try to get me out of this funk I’m in. It’s worked before. I’m naturally blonde, so you can imagine all the jokes I copped at school. I usually dye my hair black. It’s longer now, since I can’t afford a haircut, so it’s growing out. So I bleached it…
You can imagine the outcome… yellow ends, orange middle & white roots. My best friend (whom i live with) stared at me in horror & […]
2day is a good day. My beloved and I have been celebrating his father’s birthday with our best friend KK. sometimes the very thing that u need is right in front of you .