If you can’t trust your own mind, can you really trust anything at all? I live in complete uncertainty, I can’t rely on myself or my own feelings. I constantly feel a whole bunch of nothing, or a whole bunch of everything. One day I’ll be head over heals for someone, and without warning I’ll wake up the next day and the only thing I feel for them is completely platonic, strictly friendly. The only thing I’ve found that feels right in this galaxy of wrong is completely impossible, a slap in the face. I vow never to have feelings for anyone, so why am […]

It’s my fault, I made him mad.
So he does it, again and again.
No clues or evidence to be found.
Scared and lost, not knowing childhood.
Don’t move, don’t make a sound.
If he finds me i’ll be never leave this place.
Stuck here for eternity, crying and begging-
No more!
Please, not again! I’m sorry that I did something wrong.
Again
That smell, the pain and the guilt.
The words: the things he says
so cold and cruel
Why can’t he just end it already?
I don’t wanna be here anymore
Can’t you see my brokenness in my eyes?
The jagged stitching on […]

I am ‘the thing’.
Evolve me. Clap- clap. Clap- clap.
From hell. Clap- clap. Clap.
Evolve me. Evolve me. Clap- clap. Clap-clap.
From hell. From hell! Clap- clap- clap!
From hell! From hell! Clap- clap- clap- clap- clap- clap.
Forever and ever. Always and forever.
My name is Nevermore.

I am ‘the thing’. Celestial Slowbro and Golduck.
Only eye-candy. Staryu and Starmie.
Let me be. Let me be. Take me. Pull me.
Oracle, I have monthly bounty.
Let us go, and grow plants and flowers, perhaps.
Let me go train like a fire pokemon. Never end rock pokemon.
Machamp is the champ, he can beat Mewtwo.

I have become determined to prove myself and make others stop treating me like i dont matter.Im going to try a more serious attempt and gods will be done.I thought i had a reason for doing it but i dont.Apart of me says good riddance to this god awful planet apart of me says one more chance.Im getting older ill be twenty two in september.My sister will be off having a life in college.all my brothers and sisters will have left me.my parents will be dead ill be lost and confused I hate people who cry about boyfriends and girlfriends on here.i want to commit […]

So I started talking with a member of this community (well, a member of the unofficial side to this community, at the very least [shakinbakin]) and we were sharing tracks from our own soundcloud streams. Ended up getting the idea that we could combine his musical abilities with my spoken word poetry.

Whilst we were working on a new piece together, he started to mess around with one of the old pieces that I’ve posted here before, “There Once Lived A Man” so thought I’d share it here again, this time with the new arrangement.

Like always, the poem is posted below to help those that have […]

ill never be good enough, ill always just be a stupid crazy whale. like yesterday when i was walking down the street and someone yelled out “whale”! and i couldnt stop crying. my boyfriend treats me like shit , but thats probably because i am a piece of shit. im crazy. and i cant live with myself anymore. i dont know how to live anymore. i cant wait til i get the balls to just down all my meds at once.

My problems are probably minimal compared to what others have gone through but it still feels like a lot to me. I feel like my family hates me, they always yell at me, including my sister who is literally trying to control my life at the moment. My parents think i’m immature and probably doing drugs because i like going out with my friends and so they yell at me for nothing. Really they look for reasons to yell at me and everytime I’m yelled at i end up cutting, I don’t want to cut but it’s temporary relief and for a second I forget […]

Final frontier and the music is sooooooo beautiful.
I need to find the way. Go- go- go, little parasect.
Let me summon my inner pokemon spirit.
Go- go- go, little parasect. You the living so fast.
Wait for the muk! Wait for the muk!

Singing to the melody. Butterfree- oh butterfree.
The pokemon and the zodiac race. Charizard was the first.
Ponyta, how do we cross the ocean. To the mystic fire mountain!
Be ready! You must be level fifty! Run run run!
What about Machoke and Rhydon?

What about Machoke and Rhydon. I wonder.
Rock Pokemons, we must travel South! It is where our earth auras […]

I’ve been ‘suicidal’ for awhile. I’ve attempted, been hospitalized, and seen counselors. I never told anyone the real reason, deep down. I told enough to convince people but I was afraid to share the real stuff.

Last night I was writing my suicide note when the closest person in my life, unknowingly, helped me. He started throwing these rubber toys at me and it made me laugh. He’s been teaching me how to shoot rubber bands, too.

But after he went home, and I was there all alone, I knew that I was on the very edge. And one little game wouldn’t take me back to that […]

I cry every time I hear this song. And no I have not read the book/seen the movie.

The words just calm me down, I feel numb but bliss.

Kodaline – All I Want

 

All I ever wanted to do is be happy. How can I expect anyone to love me if I can’t even love myself.

My life isn’t as bad as some, but that doesn’t mean I am any less dead inside. I have thought about dying since  I was in grade 6. That was before I even knew what the words depression  and suicide meant. I learnt about cutting in grade 8, told myself I would never do it, I thought as soon as I did it would be over. In grade 10 my best friend told me she did it, that’s when I realized cutting didn’t […]

The darkness consumes me
Like an infection to an open wound:
I was never treated,I was never healed.
Scabbing up and bleeding again,
When will it stop, when will it end?
Darkness brings what daylight fears,
The contagious sorrow that I’ve felt for years.
The cries for help, but no one hears.
The lies of smiles, when really I’m in tears.
This terrible free fall I’m in right now:
I’m scared of hitting the ground, but know I never will.
“Just be strong, I need you now” he said..
But where was I?
And why must he be dead..
I don’t understand, I just don’t […]

31 years and still nothing but wasted potential.  A jack of all trades and a master of none.   Still no purpose no sense of worth, a burden at best. The worst kind of person there is a liar, a thief, a disappointment, a complete fucking waste of life and space.  A coward with the face of a bull the mouth of a lion and the bite of a tiger,  for loved ones only of course.  Who else exists my world is a small one.  Ruled by vices, hopeless, hopeless, hopegone.

I am a waste…

This has got to stop… the constant depression, self doubt, pain… I don’t know anything beyond pain now, to the point where I wanna cause myself more pain because I just want to hurt as much as possible… I don’t mean a thing in anyone’s life… I can’t do anything for anyone… why am I even here…

“But you don’t know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night, scared with the thought of kissing razors”

~Pierce the Veil

All I want is to end it all. To simply not be. My whole life I’ve been given everything you could ever want, but I was never happy. No one understands it’s always the same thing: why? That’s so selfish. You’re life is so perfect, you have no reason to be depressed. Things can seem so different from the outside than they do from the center of the battlefield. My mind is constantly racing I never sleep I never get a break from my thoughts. I have been sad and angry for so many years with little bits of happiness yet every time it’s ripped […]

i feel like giving  up

i try to write down how i feel but somehow the page stayed blank

and i couldnt have described it any better

i sat in my room and i asked myself if this is how the stars feel when the sky swallows them whole.

my eyes go heavy and i willingly closed them hoping i would never have to open them again…

-deathly_paradise

Rip, Johnny. Back when Toonami.
In this world, where does a dying stranger go to.
A crew of true camaraderie. Walking in the beat of life, and death.
Don’t forsaken nobody the sound of the ukulele.
Crew, where are you. I need you today.

Now. I need you now. The time when the world reverses.
Back. The hourglass to zero. Now you can walk to the steps of infinity.
Every hit. Every line. Every breath. Praying for my life, to you.
Every day it gets harder. Stuck, the purple muk and weezing.
Will I ever live, forever the steps of doom.

Got to bust a ductrio. Kobra, […]

Just like my username says, there’s no hope for me. Nobody likes me not even my family, no friends, never had a relationship, afraid to go out in public, I’m a freak. Physically speaking I’m a freak. What’s the point of life if no one will ever love you because you’re a freak. They all condescend me at work, I can’ t go back to college cause I can’t handle the anxiety, there’s nothing there for me. I don’t know where to turn, I feel like I’m at the top floor of a burning building and the only two choices I have are jump now […]

Sometimes I feel like killing myself. Other times I feel like my life is perfect and nothing can ever hurt me, but that’s usually just when I’m with my boyfriend. All I know is that no matter what I feel, I always feel like cutting. I guess you could call it an addiction, but it’s kinda just my way of life now. I can’t stop, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not sure if I even want to. It’s like breathing to me. If my thoughts begin to overtake my mind, I cut myself and everything gets okay again. I just want to […]