Missing My Love Again

So here I am again, missing you. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year. I still haven’t gone through all our stuff, it hurts. You would have loved the place where I’m at now, its a little house on a 100 acre farm with a creek for fishin and train tracks and a whole lot of birds! Life is still hard, really hard, especially on my own. I’m looking for a second job so I can keep it, mama is losing her house so there is nowhere else for me to go now. I needed you baby, even more I wanted you, more than anything else. I could have lived in a hole with you! Remember when we lived in the Hyundai?! I had to sell it, but I sold it to a mechanic so he will give her new life! I think about you in everything I do baby. I still think for just a second that I cant wait to tell you something when I get home, then I remember you wont be there. But I know you are with me all the time now, I feel you…just wish I could touch you and hear your sweet voice. Little Jon Rogers at work makes me think so much of you. He talks about his daddy and his mama and his wife putting notes in his lunch :), they have the same kinda love we did! And there is a great new Tim McGraw song you would love, I can hear you singing it now!!! I talked to your mama just the other day, she still hasn’t accepted that your gone. But she’s still alive and going where God leads her! I am getting better at making your fried bread and the kids actually liked the gravy I made yesterday…still not like yours though! They miss you too! There goes the train! I think of you singing Johnny Cash! I gave your baby girl your guitar, I know she has the music in her blood just like you. She is beautiful, wish you could see her and your grandbabies. I miss you so much baby. I still think about the life we could have had together, our time was so short! What a cruel world to give me my true love and then take him away so soon. I understand, but I dont. I have had to deal with MAJOR depression and anxiety and alcholism, and I understand more than before but I still couldn’t leave the people who love me and need me. I miss you so much! We needed you so much! I’m sorry that I couldn’t show you enough how special you were. I hope you are just fishin on the riverbank and you dont have to see what you left behind, but I know you do. And now you see the truth, the big picture for what it is. I wont let it be for nothing baby…there is still a message! I still love you with all my heart and I can’t wait till I see you again on the farside banks of Jordan and come running through that shallow water reaching for your hand!