Hi
I’m completely new to this site and I’m not really sure what kinds of things people post but here goes.
I am 23 years old and people think I’m a happy and normal person but I’ve been suffering from bipolar disorder for 5 years. The depression I experience in cycles is becoming too much and I can’t hide it anymore. When I’m like this I am such a drain on my family and I just don’t see an end to it. This is why I want to end it all.
There is one thing stopping me. Despite being completely non religious, I keep having this horrible anxiety that if I do it I will end up in this constant endless phase of torture and punishment in some sort of afterlife. Being burnt or having pain inflicted on me forever. It scares me so much and makes suicide seem so hard.
Does anyone one else think about this?
Esme
10 comments
Welcome to the site. Glad you’re here. You’re not alone in the relentless cycles of depression and wishing there was a means to an end. I completely understand how you feel. And I was raised in a Christian home, but I’ve lost much of my faith. I don’t know if I believe in any of that anymore. Like you though, it’s enough right now to keep me here. If you ever want to talk, let me know. You’re not alone! =)
Thanks for your response, I appreciate your kindness. I just wish I could know what will happen after I’ve done it.
Hello Esme
I think I should start off and say welcome to this site. You and I are kind of similar except I don´t believe in afterlife. I suffer from bipolar as well. Although, it´s not documentally confirmed because I don´t have the source to visit a psychologist and get diagnose with it. I share the exact symptoms from Bipolar so I´m possible I do have that problem with me.
To me, after we are dead, our soul will vaporize into the air and that´s it. No hell or heaven and penance or whatever else they want us to believe in. I understand the idea of hell scares you but if you think about it. Who the hell created ´´Hell´´? That shit is not real! They told us so many different stories about ´´Hell´´ when we were kid even to adult just to teach us to act good or bad things will happen to you. Hell doesn´t make sense at all, there´s no actual proof of that conception.
Thankyou for your response. I think if you feel that you do have Bipolar you should definitely try and seek as much help as you have available. I have been taking medication for 4 years and for a while it seemed to work so that is worth trying.
As for thinking about the afterlife, I really hope you’re right as its all I seem to think about at the moment. I have a strong support network but I genuinely feel like they would all be better off without me.
Even if you believe in a God, the notion of burning in hell for doing wrong which includes suicide has been used to keep people in fear and in devotion to the church for centuries. I struggle to believe in religion, all seems fanciful to me, but how can a merciful God punish someone by sending them to such a place as hell. Good to see you on this site, there’s always someone here to listen to you.
Hello,
Thankyou for your comment. I feel the same in that hell may be a made up thing to scare people but it doesn’t stop me thinking of all the ‘what ifs’ as I guess you can never truly know what is going to happen. I think if I knew for sure that nothing was going to happen it would make this process so much easier to get my head around.
Yes, for all for us, death is a leap into the unknown whether it’s natural or suicide and although we can’t choose when to go with a normal death it does exercise the mind about what awaits with suicide. I can’t except the notion of atheists that nothing exists, it would be easier I suppose, but, although brought up a christian, I can’t believe in that either, I’ll just accept my fate and trust if there is a God, he’ll understand my actions, not much help. You must use as much of the help on offer as possible with Bi-polar, there is a much greater understanding among people now of the condition and accepting the ups and downs associated with it.
Wow. Seemingly “happy and normal people” live with “horrible anxiety” that their transgressions will land them “in a constant endless phase of torture and punishment in some sort of afterlife” where they will be burnt or “have pain inflicted on them forever.” No wonder this world is so fucked up. Although you didn’t ask for generalized feedback, I offer you this: see a psychiatrist to make sure you have been properly diagnosed and are being properly medicated. Bipolar disorder is not one of cycles of depression and being “happy and normal.” Bipolar disorder is just that — two poles — one of euphoric mania and debilitating depression, with other attending symptoms. Clinical depression is a distinct condition and is treated quite differently. What they have in common is that one cannot talk oneself out of having either. Threats, intimidation, admonitions to cheer up, buck up, get over it, what have you got to be depressed about are not only meaningless, but damaging. Worry about the fiery pits of hell later. Go see a doctor.
Don’t know if I’m “bipolar” but I understand you. The notion that taking ones life will will lead to continued pain is the only thing stopping me. Maybe it’s a good thing?
I m new to this site
Why cant please my GOD i do the things i dnt want to do as apostle paul said, But I love GOD but not able to please him , i feel loneliness in the world fear to speak with people evryone in the world are cruel no humans exists , sometimes i feel myself lost many tyms felt ending up my life, I lov BIBLE, JESUS , My god father but i m sinner i m lost , y cant god help me and stop me frm sining , He left me alone in this cruel selfish world, I going mad I m not gud i m nt bad