This is my first post on this website. I found it while searching how to successfully make a belt into a noose, just so I would always be prepared. It’s exam study week for my university right now, I’m studying science and so far I’ve done fairly well, but my mind is blank this week. I have been considering not attending my exams, I’m not sure why I’m even at university… It’s not like there’s any purpose to it all anyway. I’ve been thinking about staying home and drinking until I have the courage to end it all instead, there’s just no purpose. I asked my first psych and my parents what the point to staying alive was; why anyone bothered when it just brings pain. Neither of them could tell me, neither understood why I was asking. I got told by someone that accepting it all is part of growing up but it just seems like naivety to me. I’ll never get a job, I’ll never make real connections to people… I am nothing inside and my social anxiety is too pervasive.. All of my anxieties are too pervasive. Every job I’ve tried to get I know they’ve thought I was useless… I could never talk right, I could never stop shaking. They reduced my hours to zero, it seems like university is my only option for supporting myself but I can’t handle that either.
I feel like maybe there’s just no hope for me in this world. I have believed, I’ve tried so hard and I’ve waited too long. I just wish I had some courage to stop it.
6 comments
Hey… im sorry to hear you feel so low. I feel the same. I genuinely just wish I wasnt here anymore. I am completely lost. Wish there was an easy answer 🙁
Sorry to hear that, glad to know other people do understand though. If only there was an easy answer, right? Or at least an easy way out.
I hear you, sincerely. We live in a world that requires from many what they do not have to give. I would imagine that, given some rest and relaxation, you would adore a perfect sunset, revel to a thunderstorm, delight in bird songs, treasure the affection of a purring cat, the loyalty of a loving dog, and find wonder in Nature. Have any of those matters been stressed in your life? I doubt it.
There is more to life than you have been shown. I hope you can find it. Please respond if you want some direction as to where to seek.
I’ve always wanted to get away and appreciate nature, it seems like one of the only worthwhile things the world has to offer. It just seems so out of reach for me? I can’t support myself with regards to an income so there’s really no relaxation that it can see in my future at all. Any advice is appreciated.
Greetings I feel the same way, nothing matters. I will start university(also studying science) in January and when I think about it I just think about stress and debt. I hope that maybe everything will be over by then. Also I think so many things are unnecessary but in a capitalist world what can I do? The intense fear I feel during a job interview is horrible.
Anyway I hope you have a nice day nevermeant! And goodluck on your exams if you decide to take them.
There is no purpose. Humans are the only creature on this planet obsessed with telling ourselves that there must be some meaning to this. People who have convinced themselves that they really have some meaning or purpose actually seem kind of creepy to me, because it’s such a strong sense of denial and self importance they live in. As pointless as life might be, it would be equally pointless to have done a decent job in school this semester and then not take the exams, so I hope you’ll decide to go do that. Might as well take them. I always did my best work when I didn’t really care about it. Like when we did standardized testing prior to finish high school and moving on to college, I already knew I wasn’t going to college so I felt zero pressure taking the tests and ended up getting the best scores in school. So just walk in there and remember that part of you considered not even showing up to take them, put in whatever effort you feel like giving, just finish them. Odds are if you’re like most people, suicide will take a will to consider and realistically probably won’t be happening right now, so if you skip your exams, you’ll still be around to regret it and feel like you made a bigger mess of things. Just finish.
You sound a lot like me. My anxieties are taking away my ability to have a life as well. My social anxiety started to get a little less severe the past few years, but it’s too late because it already destroyed my life growing up with all the ways I was too anxious to have friends and do what normal people did.
I like nature too. It’s the human world/society that I don’t get along with. It’s easier to give advice than to take it myself, but you know there are people in this world who have built themselves some place to live in nature and decided that they aren’t going to have a job or do must of the things society tells us we must do. So it is possible. I know, it sounds far-fetched, and I have thought many of the same things before myself, it is still hard to decide to walk off and go live like that when you don’t at least have money to get started.
I think some of us are just destined to be that way though. We can feel an appreciation for the natural world, but we don’t have the right kind of spirit for fitting in to the modern man made world. It’s funny how social anxiety has been declared an illness and definitely “something wrong with you”, rather than society allowing for the personal freedom of maybe considering that some people are just not meant to enjoy interaction with most other human beings. Seems unfair to say something is “wrong with you” just because your personality might not prefer dealing with all other people day. I know I would be at my happiest living somewhere very quiet and far away, with only a friend or two to talk to once in a while so I don’t totally go crazy from isolation.
Maybe you can end up doing something with science that will provide the type of life you can handle. It’s not like you’re setting yourself up to be stuck with totally normal office/corporate jobs where you have to deal with co-workers or customers all day. If you’re doing well in science classes, maybe you can eventually have some type of career where you aren’t working with too many people. I’d imagine science is a field where there are a lot of people who work in a lab all day and don’t exactly have the most insane social life when they go home. Don’t curse yourself by assuming there will never be a job for you (again, more advice that is easier to type than it is to listen to myself – I generally tend to sit here unemployed and feel hopeless too).
It’s a to figure out. But for right now, my advice would be not to start skipping things at school etc. I know how it feels to start letting things slide in life because you get the idea in your head that you are probably going to end it soon. And then when you end up still being here two and three years longer than you expected, you have to live with all the consequences of not keeping up with your life. I let myself get out of a shape, lose all my friends, and get deep into debt, all because every time I made one of these bad decisions, I would laugh and tell myself that I wouldn’t be here to have to pay the bills or deal with the consequences of not taking better care of myself. I’m still here, now out of shape and with bills to pay, and no friends.
So, try to take the exams if you can. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t go crazy with studying if you think you can do alright without it. But don’t skip them completely.