This is stupod, and I really don’t care. But I have a proposition for you.

You stay, I stay.

This year I will be 25. I have been obsessed with suicide since my abusive childhood and have known I wanted to do it at age 25. I was raised with insanely high expectations. Long story short, I was beaten by my parent whenever my grades were below 99%. I wasn’t allowed to have friends. I was timed everyday from when I left to house to when I came home. No tv or phone calls, no christmas presents or magical princess birthday parties. Just school work and sleep. I’ve been punched, kicked, beaten with bats whenever I tried to stand up to my parent. I’ve been called me […]

Death is final; death is complete.

I must do it now. Now is the perfect time to do it. Now is probably the only chance i’ll ever get. my graduation completed last week. my sister’s marriage is also done. I am free right now. absolutely free. if i stick another month or so i’ll be expected to start finding a job. and i know i can’t do it at the time when i am expected to do some worldly thing. right now i am free. i must do it now. if i miss this opportunity i know i will regret that my whole life. my whole life will be ruined. i […]

I started cutting a year ago in March when it happened. I was having a sleepover with my two friends Kiaya and Amanda. We all slept in my bed which was big enough to fit all of us. I was in the middle. I woke up in the middle of the night to whispers from Kiaya. She was talking from the perspective of a guy towards me in a seductive way. I didn’t do anything about it because I wasn’t sure what was happening. That’s when she leaned in and kissed me when my eyes were closed. She stole my first kiss, but that was […]

I keep hearing people say, it gets better or that now I can start over fresh. They tell me to keep my chin up & my nose down. Keep myself busy, focus on work but remember to relax & take some time to enjoy things. They tell me I will feel better soon and the words sting like tiny cuts exposed to the cold black ocean. Every word they utter another crack at my facade & I wonder how much they see. They must see more than I think since most of my conversations end up here. Oh to be like my baby sister who […]

don’ take the things I say personally. I’m just creative writing, in general.

wat up. wat up. wat up. it took a bomb to crack the wall open.

on the other side, do you know? I wish that I could………..

ponder. I need to heal, my sinuses. God, I know you’re there.

in the story of the forgotten, and the forsaken.

the refuge of the messiah, was a dying morlock child. but why.

what does it mean. the ultimate crisis. salvation. mankind.

heal my stricken illness, let me become, the professor.

open my mind. I have done my time.

Xorn and the Genesis. Let me evolve. We can do it. Seraphim.

2 Tuesdays ago I accidently bet 33 black and won. I was playing bitcoin roulette. I thought I was betting odd. It won a near max bet and I won 1500 worth. I proceeded to gamble that into 10,000 dollars over the last weeks. I have won about 17,000 dollars profit worth of bitcoin this year. I was able to pay many debts. My girlfriend told me I’m a part of her. It means the world to me. I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead. I’m basically broke. I was in all kinds of debt. Now I’m just broke. I wish I […]

Jesus f***. Seraphim. Skull and the bullet.
Uzi’s and machine guns. Let me join the native tribes.
Get ready for Armageddon. F***, America. The world.
There are no rules. F*** it in oblivion. Where do I go.
Get a pad off, somewhere. I have personal monthly income.
Somewhere beautiful, to go before we die. But where.
The skeleton does not walk. West minister, I need to get the f*** out of here.
Who the f*** is gonna give me a spot. The chance to feel oblivion.
Somewhere beautiful, but where. Anyone?

There are those who die before they’re ready. And there are those who are ready before they die.

Timing is the only problem. I’ve been ready to die for at least 20 years but it hasn’t happened. On the other hand somewhere in the world, someone got hit by a bus and killed 20 years before she would’ve accomplished her life’s work. Oopsie. Life’s a ***** like that.

The best you can do is decide when it’s time to die and immediately make it happen. Those are the only true winners in this world.

Is exactly how I envisioned it would be as a child. Fun things suddenly become boring.. days go by slower with less to do, people get angrier and stop caring about you. More and more of my day is devoted to being sad. I’m forced to do things I don’t want to with people I don’t like. Life chooses winners and losers. I’ve spend so much time trying to find a sense of meaning in anything, anywhere. Hope is a crutch for children  – bowing and bending until it shatters under the weight of your grief and pity fucking sadness. I don’t know how any of you find your way out […]

I’ve never imagined I could be as devastated as I am now. I don’t believe in god but as my life progresses it is hard to believe that this amount of bad luck is random. 

I’m not going to talk about the years of abuse I endured in my childhood or the fact that my mom died when I was four. I won’t go on about my dad’s alcoholism, and after this sentence I won’t mention the blister acne that adorned my face from 12-21. I won’t dwell on the murder of my best friend in high school or my family’s lack of funds. No, those […]

I am obsessed with death and suicide. In my mind, it looks like a beautiful way to go.

I picture myself in the final hours, preparing my own wake and the steps I take to my final sleep.

The only problem is, I feel that there are two minds inside my brain, both want to die, but one is still sad and urges me to seek help first. The other is evil and wants me to scare and push people away by becoming this dark and morbid girl, it wants me to die.

My belief is that they were whole once, feeling the same emotions of hurt and […]

…People think I’m sad. They always do. And I don’t blame them – I used to be sad a lot. I suffer from bipolar disorder, and I’ve had a few rough times in life, such as sexual abuse as a child, and my sister’s death a few years back. I’m currently 16, and with gcses added to the stress of, well, living…I hate it.

If I’m honest, I’m only still alive because I can’t bear the thought of leaving my girlfriend behind. Of never seeing her again. She’s also the only reason I keep it together – I have to. You know that line from Frozen, […]

I feel like i love this person, and its impossible, because they will never love me back. this is eating me away and i dont know how to deal with any of it. i just really want to talk to someone about all of this. the bad thing is, im afraid if i admit it to someone, itll be so much worse. i know i need to talk to someone, if not, ill just explode. either way, this is slowly killing me.

Sad, lonely and depressed. This is how I feel as I look at myself in the mirror, The names they called me still burned my memories, and filled my eyes with tears. The snickering behind my back, the laughing at me, the pushing in the halls and the notes filled with what they think is wrong with me. They tortured me for no other reason other then they felt like it, and they could. It didn’t just stop at school. Nope, thanks to computer, they can follow me everywhere. And when i pretended that it all was okay, i made it much much worse then […]

I feel so alone all the time, its killing me. Its  like i look around and see all these things going on and i just feel so distant from them. Im turning 18 and graduating next week, yet i feel no excitement whatsoever. Ive been going through so much lately, mentally and physically its really wearing me down. I dont know how to cope with any of this because i have no one to talk to. if i tell my best friend, she will just worry, if i tell my mom, she will worry. i cant worry about someone else worrying for me. it sounds […]

I drift on day to day constantly battling with my meth-addicted mother, who hasn’t let me see my little brothers in almost 10 years. I’m stuck in a relationship where I’m not loved back (or at least he really doesn’t act like it), and I have only one friend, who is gone all the time. I am lonely, I’m hurting, and I am mentally messed up with endless anxiety and I also am bipolar and have fibromayalgia. And because I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness and left, I’m pretty sure God is pissed as hell at me so I’m probably doomed to destruction whenever […]

Right now, I am scrolled away in my spare bedroom upstairs.  It can get claustrophobic up here as it is a converted attic with only a small skylight for a window.  I have been up here for two days avoiding my boyfriend…. avoiding the world, really.

I am a 50 year old female with too much loss in my life and have reached a point where I just don’t want to go on.  I am sure I don’t have the worst story out there, but for me, its been far too taxing.

In 2003, I buried my only daughter (9 years old) from a tragic car accident.  She […]

“People pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.”