How did it feel to come so close? To walk the line between life and death.

Were you relieved?
Was there a “light” rushing towards you?
How long were you drifting for, and what did the drifting feel like?
Is the experience of leaving worth the pain – was there pain, torment?
What was on your mind?

I’ve heard more than anything that one feels an crushing sense of regret upon passing the point of no return.

Finally, what was it like to wake up afterward? Was there frustration? Self-pity? Rejection? Do you feel differently now than you did before?

What has life become for you?

Stay the fuck away from me

Go just go. Just leave before you get hurt too.

Down down down down down and dark.

Subtly and rapidly losing it. This plan…it seems so beautiful in a sickening way.

Oh God what’s happening to me…….

tick tock tick tock

I posted last week about repeatedly falling out of bed a few days earlier and ending up in the E.R. with respiratory failure from some type of  Pneumonia. Fucked as my luck runs a few days later I was released to home care and cleared to go back to work.  Of course I am far weaker than before the incident and my usual level of physical pain is now at least twice as intense as it was before.

I could barely do my job as it was. It takes me nearly two hours to get out of bed and dress for work – God only knows […]

Recovery is horrible….. I managed to get myself trapped in a downward spiral towards hell. During this spiral, I let myself become a monster, a monster who found relief in a razor and comfort in rushing blood, more than human contact. My cravings are a battle. Everywhere I look I see failure and relapse, sharp edges and broken skin…. I find myself thinking back to the nights I would stain my hands crimson and tear my soul apart, piece by piece. Sometimes I catch myself running my hands over the bands of purple covering my thighs and arms, remembering exactly how it felt to […]

I ruined a friendship with one of my best friends because of work stress and now all I can think about is that I am a huge fuckup and want to die. I don’t even care about the job. I care about my friend. Why do I always get angry and push people away like this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It all seems so illogical and distant now.

I can’t ever be happy ever in my life I really just want to kill myself already

“suicide doesn’t kill people, sadness does”

I don’t know if  anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have.  My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be.  It over-analyzes things.  It makes mountains out of molehills.  When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day,  I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course.  My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]

You think it’s fucking bluff? I won’t do it? Ok, yeah, we’ll see about that.

People will run the minute you hope they’ll talk you down from something…but I guess not.

Fuck them. It isn’t selfish, especially if you deserve it. Motherfuckers. So mad my cheeks burn. Goddamn I want to just punch everything right now.

I want love but I don’t know how to obtain it. I had a boyfriend for 2 years…I just feel so lost now. It’s been long enough to move on…he’s moved on. I just don’t know how to anymore.

Theme song from a show called Madventures.

Wish I could have seen the world even a 1 percent of what these guys have – and lived my life to the fullest while I still had the time. Really have to give a salute to Riku and Tunna. 🙂 Love the show, and it had for a few years kept me hoping to be in their shoes; exploring places, seeing other cultures and people – but no more.

The best travelling documentary program in the world by far – Finnish, but at least 3th season spoken in English – distributed all over the world though.

Theme song gets me […]

Hello. I may seem like your average 13 almost 14 year old. But i’m not. I’m so disgusting. I have scars all over my body. I’ve been bullied for almost 9 years. People hate me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. I’ve been hospitalized 4 times. I’ve had 31 suicide attempts. I’m just done. I can’t do this anymore. I know eventually I’m going to end my life. I just know it.

So I think the one thing I am proudest of is how much of a geek i am (LARP D&D video games etc…) heres the thing i havnt had the time to attend any of my games lately because of real life responsibilities

To get a feeling for me as a person im 25 i live with a super good looking girl who i somehow convinced to date me a few years ago and i just started a great job that is allowing me to get out of the factories ive worked in since i was 17… but because I dont have time to go to […]

every thing I do for myself to show my family I’m doing better isn’t good enough. They always tell take it step by step but once I make alittle progress with my anxiety they say “that’s nothing, do *this or that* and maybe I’ll be impressed” they don’t see how hard I’m trying.  they can’t see that I’m doing my best to  get better. They’re only making it worse. I can’t take it anymore it’s been like this for months.

Anyone here from England, Ireland, Scotland or Wales will to talk on facebook or anything? Wanna meet new people.. im a 17 year old female, so preferably someone round my age.

Not really help?  I mean, they’re supposed to be understanding but they’re just not.

God, I don’t even know anymore. It started a couple of months ago and it was a song that triggered it.. I now seem to be a ***** to people now.. I get so angry over such little things such a someone not putting a lid on a pen.. I treat all my friends like shit, the ones that have been there for me for so long, the ones that know me inside out.. my best friends ): I push all my friends away and now I only hang out wiith people that use me for sex or whatnot.. I don’t know why because thdy […]

I’ve had a few problems in hand lately and I guess I’ve lost my path again… I had troubles in 6 grade with bullying and family and almost decided to take my life when my purpose in life appeared before me. It’s been 2 years since that and I’m proud to say I’ve been helping people with their problems since then but now, I’m the one that needs help, I’ve fallen right back into the darkness that swallowed me whole. I have to say I’ve killed of the bullying, now it’s just family. Let me explain, I was doing just fine at school, grades above […]

My kik is prefectlybroken504. I need someone to talk to before I walk out my house and go to the nearest bridge and jump. I’m lost and broken and need help picking up the pieces. I don’t want to live but i do. I think my thoughts are getting the best of me. And I don’t know what to do. I’m 22 years old. I’ll be 23 in a few months if I live that long.