I don’t know about any of you but I frequently look up ways that a person could die so I can structure the most reliable method of suicide possible if I ever came that close to the edge…which is rapidly approaching. You know, things like, “How to take a bunch of pills without throwing them up”, “How to tie a noose”, “Ways to bleed the most” but my results all turn up with nothing (except the noose one). Perhaps I need to ask the opposite of all these things. Or, just trial and error. Trial and error. I wonder if a near death experience is […]
there are two of me. the rational and the irrational. the rational me realizes it all comes down to the money. it is what makes the world go around. if you don’t have it your needs and wants are irrelevant. the same can be said about any kind of healthcare. mental health especially. it was rationed out like it was going to break the bank. as long as those insurance checks keep coming all is well. the “rational” me is very cynical, she doesn’t believe there are better days in my future. it is at this point where the rational and irrational meld. the irrational […]
Hi, I’m 13 and I’m in 7th grade. I have anxiety and depression. I’m absent from school a lot because of it. I try to explain to my mom that’s why I don’t go to school but she doesn’t believe me. I have no idea what to do. The school already threatened to call the police and I’m scared. It just adds onto my anxiety so much. Any advice ?
So hi, I’m 13. I know that probably sounds young but whatever. Â I’m depressed, I self harm, and am bulimic. I’m attempted to kill myself many times- always getting interrupted my psycho parents who are abusive. I only have one real friend and he is my boyfriend. I love him so much but I feel like he likes other girls… he’s depressed and self harms also. he helps me live. he gives me the courage to keep going. without him I would be gone. I just feel like he likes other girls now… and when I was going to commit a while ago all he […]
The only person that ever cared about me is gone. The person I was going to run away with abd love forever is dead. He loved me for me I didn’t have to be who anyone else wanted to be I was good enough for him. I can go on in life without him. I spend days thinking about our memories and I have fantasies about you riding up the street on your black motorcycle saying †wherever you want to go I’ll take you†I miss you just holding me while we talk about anything and everything the different countries we were going to […]
Stopped going to my therapist. Too weird to talk about feelings and getting told to find my inner cuddly-ness. That doesn’t exist.
suicide by police would be a pretty cool way to go. imagine the adrenaline rush
i wouldnt know where to get a gun though. or an object threatening enough to be considered armed
When you log in there is a box that you can check so that the browser remembers your password. I hate… my brain sometimes. I realized I didn’t check the box after I logged in and it hit me. Nobody cares really. NOBODY. I was suicidal for a long time and now that I’m not suicidal? I wish I was still suicidal. I hate life. I hate people. You offer friendship and free shit to MFs and people STILL use and abuse you! I’m the only person I know that’s still somewhat “decent” in the world.
I ask people shit all the time and I get […]
It’s hard to choose between the two. To endure life and the concept of simply existing or to die peacefully and end the endurance. Suicide is not what one chooses when someone is sad. Suicide is what one chooses when they are looking for a way out of pain, and none of their other resources are working. This is something I think about constantly. Existing (from my eyes) is dealing with irate customers at the host stand at my job. It’s flunking out of my freshman year of college because I didn’t go to class because I felt like my whole world was collapsing around […]
I am over fifty and instead of getting wiser in the past few years I have instead pretty much ruined everything with my stupid behavior as well as this damned depression that never really goes away. For at least twenty years I have really wondered why I should keep on existing, but on the other hand, I am not brave enough to “do something rash.” That is another failing, wanting to die but afraid to bite a bullet or jump in front of a train. And I am even worried about what people would think of me for doing something like that. So I keep […]
I know this is a cliche, but I think that if I had a significant other, it would makes thing a lot better. I feel like I just need someone to care about what I’m doing or someone to make me feel better and happy. Just someone exciting. And I think I may have found someone, but I’m still trying to figure out if I like him or if I’m just in love with the idea of being in love. I guess for now I can say that I’m infatuated by him. We’ll see what happens but, for now, I should probably consider having an actual […]
I want to cut, but I’m too lazy to go upstairs to get a razor.
As I sit here crying, in pain. My chest hurts and I feel like absolute shit. You lay there sleeping with not a care in the world for everything taking a toll on me. You say I push you. It’s always me. Always me pushing you. And maybe I do. Maybe I’m the reason for everything horrible that you blame me for. But as I sit here, I think about how much I want to tell you that you’re pushing me. I’m so near to giving up. I never felt so alone. I can’t go to you because you’ll judge me. You’ll tell me I’m […]
I MAKE EVERYTHING A JOKE. EVERYTHING. I EVEN JOKE ABOUT ME GETTING HIT BY A CAR LAST YEAR. I CAN’T BELIEVE MYSELF. IT’S NOT A JOKE, OKAY?! WHATS SO FUNNY ABOUT YOU CUTTING YOURSELF OR KILLING YOURSELF?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, POISON?! I hate myself so, so, so much. But I love you guys.
so here is a piece of my story that I’ve only told 2 people about….
As you can imagine I’m terribly nervous about doing this.
When I was 5 years old, my Great Uncle and Great Aunt came down to visit..
I never really liked my Uncle Jerry but this just gave me more of a reason to not like him. I remember that day like it was yesterday (when it happened 12 years ago) I was watching 101 Dalmatians the cartoon with him. We were sitting on the bed and I was wearing sweatpants and a green turtleneck. It was right around Christmas that year. I went […]
Ellen is spontaneous, outgoing, kind of overbearing at times- but that is what make her so fun to be around- she’s always thinking of things to do and places to go. I, on the other hand, am awkward, shy and rather painful to be around due to a inconvenient addiction to poking people. I have sort of formulated it in to a language.
Through out my life, social ineptitude has been quite detrimental and has never failed to ruin important social encounters, it’s surprising I ever managed to acquire a boyfriend; my friend Ellen managed to conjure several relationships and buckets of friends. She has this […]
I’m just tired.
I’m just sad.
I’m just angry.
Today at school, some Christian told me i wasn’t going to heaven. Just because i don’t believe in Jesus. I do believe in God, though. But she doesn’t seem to understand that. Then after that, a friend of mine told me she had gone to the guidance office with one of my other friends. Extremely concerned on what happened, i asked why. They told me, it was for me. Some “preps” were talking about me behind my back, during gym today. They were saying that me and my girlfriend weren’t really in love, that we were […]
I try to scream out for help. But how can they help me from my own thoughts. So they drift away from me like I’m a freak.
Back during my Freshman year of high school (I’m now a junior) I was really close friends with this gay guy in my drama class named Josh. He moved away that same year and we had our struggles keeping in touch, but he started collage last year and completely shut me out and stopped talking to me… It really hurt me because I had feelings for him for a while (yes I knew he was gay). We helped each other through things, he knew what it was like to be suicidal and struggle with self harm so we hit it off right away and became […]