It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get fucked up more and more everyday?
There is couple things what I know that is poisoning my mind i blame myself everything what’s goes wrong but I cant make nothing for it and i am so tired to faking to my parents and wife that everything is allright even under the surface i am burning to ground but i just cant say it to them even if i want. Just feels like my time here is done long time iam prayed that i die. I just cant understand how people’s want to live in this sick world?
I have been trying to gather some meds for the last big show like opamox 50mg x 50, ketipinor for 16000mg … waiting just the doomsday when i just cant take it anymore.
Ps. Sorry for bad english