Hi
I was going to wait to commit suicide until I am kicked out of my flat in a few years, but my depression is so bad, I am so lonely I just want to die now.
I was going to postpone it because my Dad died this year and my death in the same year would be worse for my family than waiting a few years.
I don’t get on with my family, they bullied me and my parents stunted my growth.
I know I am an adult now, but imagine those people who are malnourished as kids who never grow beyond a certain height, well thats how I feel emotionally.
I’m never going to be anymore than a child in an adults body.
In a way, my parents and siblings behaviour did make my life difficult, and my difficulties are what will kill me, but I don’t want to put that on the note, because I, myself, would hate to find out I contributed to someone elses suicide.
I cannot think straight, I keep making mistakes and I want to die before i make any more mistakes.
I am too overwhelmed, and I have no future. I am too depressed to go into the details of my life, because it hurts to write it, and writing it out just makes me into a state.
I’ve been practicing with ligatures but I haven’t got it right yet.
I am scared to practice, but I want to learn the skill so that I can do it when I want.
I cannot bear to be on this earth a minute longer.
I feel unwelcome on the planet. I don’t get on with people because they are exploitative and untrustworthy and I have difficulty relating to them.
I pray for cancer or some other terminal illness, because then that would take away the need to kill myself, but I will not wait.
I feel repulsed by this world, I really want out. I want to be no more. I want to be deceased. I am trapped here and it is a nightmare.