done with life.
Don’t have a headache but took two headache pills that contained aspirin in the hopes of maybe thinning my blood some before I cut. I didn’t last night, but I’m going to do some experimenting tonight.
Doubt it’s gonna work and I’m gonna get globs of coagulated blood on my arm again.
Ah well. I’ll just take some more next time. Then more. And more. Then sit in a nice hot tub. And sleep.
You know what’s funny is my friend texted me today saying her boyfriend is having suicidal thoughts and I’m over here trying to give advice like a damn hypocrite. I told her a […]
hi, if your reading this then that means that people actually care, or is interested in my title, but it doesn’t matter any more. I’m tried of hearing people scream at each other, I’m tired of always being afraid of what’s gonna happen next. I’m sick and tired of being screamed at. I hate it the way the people around look at me but they can’t see that i’m drowning because every time I am reminded that i’m a worthless whore that people can always throw away i sink so much deeper than before and i don’t know what to do about it anymore. I […]
He’s giving up on me. I don’t know what to do. I thought he would never. Why is he doing this …
well, this sucks. I can’t go to anyone. And I’ve been clean for so many months now and I really don’t want to go back. Someone saw me writing on here and I don’t know. Just don’t feel safe again. I feel like I’m gonna do something to myself if I’m ever alone
Tonight is it hopefully I’m done. What life has for me isn’t what I want nor what I can bare. I’m just numb the feeling hurts. ive got my plan ready. I’ve decided I always n knew that it would come to this. I’m to stupid for life to ugly to fucked up for it I can’t stand being in my skin a minute longer I’m tired of weeping I’m retired of being depressed I can’t get help I’m tired of being tired. So goodbye. I hope everybody is better of thani the future
I don’t care. About anything. About a single goddamn thing. I don’t fucking care. Why do you care so much? I’m not a nice person. I’m not even all that interesting. I don’t hate myself, per se. I just don’t care.
There is this internal conflict that keeps occurring more and more frequently. My feelings are trying to resurface and my numbness is trying to fight it away. I have the strangest dreams but they reflect those feelings I won’t allow myself to feel when I’m awake. When I’m dreaming I do feel them even if it’s just a pinch, but I feel it. And I wake up with the Reminence of those feelings and I don’t know what to do. These feelings for the most part have to do with one person in particular and I wish I could talk to this person but I […]
I’ve been struggling with my body for so long. Ever since I was a little girl, I was always the “fattest” kid around. I got made fun of a lot, but I moved on, as a little child would. Now it’s worse. I can’t stare at myself in a mirror for longer than 2 seconds. I have gotten bullied by others, for being ugly and fat. I have no friends. At school I am the last pick for everything, and everyone hates me. I try to be nice to everyone, but for every nice thing I say twenty bad things are said about me. I […]
Done . Im just done . I fought , i tried . But im broken … Every thought is a battle , every breath is a war ; and i dont think im winning anymore .
Just what the fuck do you want?! Whatever I do, or do not do, I am damned in your sight, a blight, a failure, a mistake. How would you feel if I had come home in a box? You want everyone to think you’re so loving, compassionate, dutiful but the truth is, you’re a *****. You piss everyone around you off, you have no tact, no filter, and yet whenever I imply such you say, “you’re the only one that thinks that!” LIKE HELL I AM!
I don’t care any longer what anyone says to you. After nearly 1/4 century of living with your bullshit, I’m […]
I’m going to eat 11 nurofen all i have :(.then I will hopefully fall in unconsues .before that I will that my eipen .this messes up the heart and makes blood vessals smaller .with the nurofen whitch says not to take if u have heart problems.i migth as well take some strong alcohol with that .finally when asleep I will hold a bag over my head with my thumb so when I fall asleep so choke to death . So who thinks this will work.i need to be certin cause my mom will notice the stuff gone. if anyone could give me any advice or […]
Im sure my brain is “wired” incorrectly
Unable to sleep propperly since a child
Earliest memory is standing above a large drop (for my age/height at the time) wating to throw myself down it
So I have been wishing death since 4/5 years old
Im almost 30 now and it cant continue
In the past I have tried a mix of different drugs, as one does in younger years
I found almost all of them to produce strange effects ine that no one else got
Mdma made me feel like my body was stuck in slow motion. Anti depressants are based on this kind of chemical structure and in turn cause similar […]
Ja-Nam. Dancing to the monkey.
Music of spirituality.
Hit me up, to go slap the devil.
Blue Hindu.
There used to be a gold champion.
He used to walk, when pavement was still true.
Hercules, champion, against m****** f******s.
Journey. Monkey. Vagabond. Through the air.
Seeking for the fresh scent; this is the Holy pilgrimage.
A blast. A story that was from the East. Long, long ago.
There used to be a child King. Day one, in the birth of demise.
The world, gone, so long ago. Heal me, do not let it take me.
Take me with you, Cosmic camaraderie.
Kung-Fu, warrior. A mountain […]
Hey kiddo, I don’t know if you still wander around this site (you know who you are), but if you do I wanted to tell you something. Your great grandma died on this day sixteen years ago, I wish she would have had the chance to know you. She would have loved you so much, she never judged people who think like us. She would have told you how wonderful you are and given you a million and one reasons to never give up. I miss her and she isn’t here to say those things to you, but I am. I love you so much, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Le Bettle.
The Ancient.
Into the dust. Millenium, this rust.
The Sphinx, of the Atlantis. God.
In the shape of Dog. What such life.
Lucifer has you by the ball. The horn penetrates.
Into the world that makes no sense.
Battle-cry. Battle-cry. Warriors of Atomic Era, tally zero.
We have already lost the countdown, thousands and millions.
The Devil in the ass. Fuck you, ************.
FBI, save my ass. Be a good cop. Be a good man.
Be a good shepherd. The blue assistance is dead.
Holy… Getting fucked in the ass. You let yourself and your mother.
Hey, that’s not how I wanna end, the night; […]
It’s been 33 days since I decided I was going to take my own life.
On the first of April my beautiful princess died at age just 6months. This was the day I decided I was going to leave this evil world too.
This situation has been tragic due to the fact it was so sudden. There was nothing wrong with her, I put her to sleep, went to do some chores and came back to find her cold and blue, she was gone.
In the time I’ve had to spend without her, I have turned to the use of cocaine, I usually smoke weed but that hasn’t […]
I’m so fucking tired of waking up every night. It takes everything in me to just go to work (I work nights). The only thing I look forward to is sleeping all weekend. Got some bars so it shouldn’t be a problem as long as people will leave me alone. Happy go lucky people make me fucking nauseous. My mind just doesn’t work that way. I see the negativity in everything. People always say to focus on the things that make you happy. I can’t make anyone understand that there is nothing that makes me happy except the fact that I have a bottle of […]
