I’ve decided to start cocaine.

-on a point that im afraid of my own mind

All my dad says is to get over it. I can’t. I’m not like him, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing I say matters. I will always be a fucked up piece of shit somebody scraped off of their shoe. I want to die so badly, but I’m not strong enough to do it. I don’t know what to do.

My father completed suicide a few days ago.  No one ever saw it coming–he was a religious man, a bachelors in Theology and an ordained minister.   He was terminally ill and getting worse and worse by the day.   He did not want to be put into a nursing home or die in a hospital.  He died at home in his own bed.  He was only 60 but his quality of life was so poor I don’t blame him for doing it.  He is so much better off, in no pain now and free from his need of oxygen to live.   I am sorry […]

Contemplating suicide for the longest time, but the more I live, the more I yearn to die. Being human just sucks! If I were young, everyone would be concerned and talk me out of it right? But I am a senior. Now, you are not concerned and don’t give a damn right?

I am currently cleaning house. Purging my belongings. No one notices. No one cares. Good.

I feel like I am The Only One. The only one that is Truly Alone. I know that is not true… But somehow all my searches for somebody with life circumstances like mine only further validate that I Am Alone And No One Understands. Oh and by the way I am Not A Teenager. I wasn’t a particularly angsty teenager. If I had been one, perhaps I would have been ok now. If I had realized earlier that I might have social anxiety and/or be a HSP (whatever the difference is, I only learned about HSP yesterday) maybe I could have solved this sooner.

I just […]

Eventually crying yourself to sleep will go away and your mind will tell your brain to just stop, give up, stop. Obviously the tears aren’t helping your depression. They won’t fix things, they won’t make you feel better, the only make you feel worse. Tears drown you in your pain and sorrow and make you over think why you were crying in the first place. Then you find yourself thinking of all the times you fucked up and how you wish things were different and how much you don’t want to deal with people, emotions. And thats all you need to make the biggest decision […]

It’s so horrible that I feel like I want to die every day! Like, why me? Why do I deserve to feel this way?! It all started when I was 13, started cutting, burning myself and suicide attempts… But when I was 15 it got so much worse! I had to deal with my 21 years old boyfriend at the time (we were together 10 months) Raping me, hitting me, making me do things that I didn’t want to do, stopping me talking to my friends and begging me to cut myself because he liked the look of it.. Because of him I tried to […]

I’ve been done for years now I just keep holding on in hopes of a better future but I can’t keep holding on to hope then watching it shatter in front of me I love to much so I break to easily even my Mom doesn’t care I’ve been trying to stop feeling this way to stop feeling that’s all I want I tried to kill myself Thursday but as I’m typing this you see I failed and now I have decided it’s the end I don’t how I’m going to but I have to

I think about you everyday, I miss you so much and I wish I could see your smile again and hear you singing silly songs just to make me laugh.

Te amo

I took 400 mg of ******** yesterday and I slept till now (5 pm). Anyone else there using ******** against insomnia?

Nothing really matters to me anymore. If you need a listening ear, I’ll be there for you. If you told me something funny, I’ll smile and even crack a joke back. If you cried, I’ll offer you my shoulder and spend all my time comforting you till you feel alright. And then I’ll feel really numb, I don’t really know how to describe it, but I don’t feel happy anymore. It hurts to laugh and smile sometimes, when I just honestly want to curl up in a corner. I think I’m just being insecure, but all these thoughts will rush into my head, and I’m […]

I hate the way that when someone mentions suicide, people automatically assume they have a mental illness, or are in sone emotional state clouding their judgement. This isn’t always the case, and certainly not for me. I think people find it hard to grasp the concept that human beings aren’t perfect creatures, that every now and then genetics, hormones and the environment come together to make a mistake; an incoherent individual. This might present itself in many ways; dysphoria with your body for instance. Unfortunately we haven’t fully mastered the human body, and there is still plenty that cannot be changed to ensure coherence. do […]

But I’m done!!

I can’t do this anymore!!

oh and Happy Easter to you all

i hope you all get through it better then I did

I’m tired.

Life’s for those who can handle it.

Not me.

Suicide is for those who are brave enough to bid farewell.

Not me again.

So where do I fit in?

I’m closer to suicide. The pills, fast trains, slim blades, deep oceans – I don’t want to be here anymore.

I can’t endure anymore pain.

there’s this girl I stayed up all extra late to talk her actually I met her on here… after awhile she gave me a reason to not want to kill myself anymore… then we started to have feelings for each other..at least that’s what I thought..a couple of I love yous and good conversations later I get a bad feeling that something isn’t right turns out she had a boyfriend all along I was just some extra conversation..then I almost lost my mom I lost my job and im out of reasons to keep going.. guess this is goodbye

I am so done
I’m falling, I’m sinning, and I’m scared as crap to repent
because it means facing my sins and making the same promise I keep making and I don’t know why i cant keep my promise to my Heavenly Father
I always plan on killing myself, on hurting myself, and i just want the pain to go away
I just want everything to be okay, just for one day so I can figure out how I can get everything under control in my life.
The only good thing in my life right now is my wonderful girlfriend.
But when my own family […]

Its nights like these that I really fucking miss what we had. Holy shit we clicked like I never had with anyone else. I miss laying bed with you watching anime or some other lame ass shit on your lap top. Then making trips at 1 am to the store and picking up $40 worth of junk food. I wonder if you give a shit all the time. That maybe if I gave you a call or a text maybe we could try again. I know that will never happen, but it feels good thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I didnt have these memories […]

i get overly optimistic after smoking.. does anyone else get that way?

i have this whole game plan for life. then when the high wears off. i’m back to square one. suicidal and damn near tears

Don’t read this if you don’t want to, you probably have better things to do.

I’m a 15 year old boy. I haven’t been diagnosed with depression but it’s not necessary. I’ve been depressed since I was 11. I started cutting a year ago. I feel worthless and alone all the time.

It was when I was 11 that I found out how easy is for people to use you when they need something and then forget you immediately. It was when I was 12 that I found out how your “friends” talk shit about you at your back and criticize you in your face. People […]