Breathing feels as though I’m being tormented.Waking up in the morning strains my heart that little bit more.Acting as though I’m happy infests the majority of my mind.I seek peace through knowing that leaving this world is the inevitable.I’m told to heal myself, but how is that possible when those who tell me are the problem. They’ve ruined me. I let them ruin me. All that remains are the ruins of a girl, interrupted. Breathing feels as though I’m being tormented. Waking up in the morning strains my heart that little bit more. Acting as though I’m happy infests the majority of my […]

I guess I’m here because I’ve lost hope in the world. We’re in an oligarchy controlled by those who have the money and/or power to control not only the US, but the rest of the world. The money buys politicians who drill obedience into unstoppable armies. Even if the electorate stopped being complacent, there’s nothing to be done.

I just feel powerless.

I don’t want to see it continue any further.

Can anyone convince me that it’ll get better? If not, why bother drifting through a meaningless life?

I guess the thing that keeps me from doing it is not wanting to hurt family and friends, and my obligation […]

ill never be able to accept love , i just don’t see how it is possible.I have done so much wrong. He shows me more love than anyone in my entire life ever has and yet all i can think about is jumping off that cliff or slicing my wrists and watching all the pain end, but i know that no matter how much i wish for that I could never be that selfish…..never!  I have more than so many people in this world so please tell me why i wish of this every night, tell me why that when Someone I finally actually likes […]

i didn’t want to wake up. i was having a much better time asleep. and that’s really sad. it was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. i woke up into a nightmare.

We put lots of efforts to live and hoping for practically unattainable success.

Very small amount of that effort is enough for suicide. It is lot more easier for a bankrupt business man to suicide than rebuilt all the money he lost

Most importantly, there are lot of humans living out there for whom I can confidently say probability of success is absolutely zero.

There are good number of people who hate all things they do and also hate all things other humans do and hate their life but still struggling to live, even new born kid say this kind of living is illogical and stupid.

Hence proved 

i know that my parents love me and want the best for me since I’m their only daughter but they don’t have to be rude about it. I stopped cutting 2 months ago after breaking a 3 year period because of my mother. She calls me a dumba** because i forgot to wear my brace while playing basketball with the guys at my school, I don’t understand since my doctor told me I didn’t need it anymore. Not only that but when I try to talk to her calmly she makes me cry and says “Don’t be a little bi*** stop crying, you know what […]

I want to live somewhere cool

a land where palm trees grow

a place where in one hour’s drive

I’ll be in mountain snow.

 

Someplace with orange, tangerine, and avocado trees

where afternoon’s ocean breeze

will gently sway their leaves.

 

Where blonde girls in tight tops will suck

sticky popsicles

as cops pass by, wearing shorts

while riding bicycles.

 

City, suburbs, country too

Lots of hilly humps.

Deep blue skies and fluffy clouds

For days and weeks and months.

 

I’ll live somewhere near the beach

and call it paradise.

I’ll stick my toes in the sand

and think “Ah, this is nice”.

 

I’ll watch the sun set every night

with Heineken in hand

and thank my lucky stars I’m finally in the promised land. http://www.fodors.com/wire/Carryon-relaxing-beach.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

Before I write my post, I just want to say how relieving this place is. Strangely enough, every time I write a bit, after I feel better for a while. It’s like if writing a bit once in a while was a drug. But it feels goddam good to tell the world.

Sometimes I wonder why we should trust people. I have incredibly big trust issues. I really do not know who to trust. Ever.

Not my family, thats for sure… I can’t stand their judgemental “advice” .

My friends;  I have many but none I can really truthfully talk to.

My best friend; I don’t know her sometimes. […]

Unhappy, Angry, low self esteem, Always feel like I’m outside looking in, where do I fit in? ashamed of myself, I feel so stupid, when I turn And walk away they are talking bad about me, I can feel it… I Insult you to hide my insecurity and pain, I say I Hate you when I just wanted a hug, Where was Dad when I needed his love?.. I feel like I’m Dying, Will Anyone notice or Even care?….. Years Later, Frown Lines, Eyes Weary so much mental Pain Even my body aches, I fucking give, I can’t take […]

So… I haven’t posted in a while. Most of you won’t care, others might be curious, but… Though I only posted here a few times, I thought I should give an update. An explanation.

I’m fifteen years old. I’m not an attention seeker. And I’m not faking.

A few months ago, I cracked. Years of trauma and abuse piled up until I just couldn’t take it any more. I fell into a dark place. I started cutting, stopped eating… Sometimes for weeks on end. I was miserable. Lost all of my friends. Eventually my parents took me to a counselor. But that just made things worse. I […]

I’ve had enough with my life now, with the past three years being hellish for me as I have experienced bullying for no reason other then being me, lost many of my friends because I stood up for myself when no one else would and lost my best friends due to love. Having a stutter doesn’t make life easy but instead singles you out as a target for bullies and being shy and not telling anyone of the bullying it ends up going unnoticed but in feb 2013 one person was being ageessive towards me while playing football as he kept punching me in the […]

It’s like I want to die but when I do something that puts my life in jeopardy I panic . its like in that moment when I have the chance to die I feel like I can’t do thi. And I think of every possible reason there is to live. Then something happens to me and I wish I did it and there is so much pain and I am angry. Why cant I do it?

I have been sitting here reading your posts and I want to break down and weep for all of you. I wish I could give each of you a hug and tell you how much I care and how my heart breaks over the pain you feel. I don’t know you, but I love you. You are worthy of love and you are worthy of life. You are worth it. I understand how difficult life can be, I have attempted suicide, but I have learned to love myself, so can you. It seems like no one is there to listen, but I am here. If […]

My back hits the door

My body sliding down to the floor

As I listen for the nightly fight.

The yells, the screams make me want to leave

Leave forever, never to return

Life gone forevermore.

The razors, the pills

They whisper to help,

to help relieve me from this pain and loneliness;

It’s only the matter of which and when.

 

im a religious girl i believe in God but right about now my life is not so easy my dads away and he was the only person that i felt good with i only see him once a year and i rarely talk to him on the phone my mom… my mom is harsh on me and i understand why but i just can’t take it anymore im sixteen but she treats me like im three i have no social life outside of school and social medias my friends and she’s so mean when ever she has a problem with someone else or something im […]

When I’m gone from Pitch Perfect“When I’m gone, when I’m gone. Your gonna miss me when I’m gone”
Or at least I hope you will. I hope that once I’m gone you see the good thing we shared.
I thought you would be the one who actually cared
But I guess not

There is a feeling in my chest of emptiness
Did you cause it? No..no you did not.
It is all my fault..Everything is my fault
I am always to blame..I am sorry

I am sorry I cry, I’m sorry I cut
I’m sorry I even lie..yet I have to
I have to hide how […]