I was told by a doctor that the reason I am sick is because I lack positive thinking.

This was a professional medical doctor.

I was supposed to tell this idiot that I would get better in a matter of months.  The positive thinking would make it so.

If I did not repeat the words, that I would be healed, then it was my own fault if I stayed sick, because it meant I wanted to remain sick.

I declined.

I have an incurable genetic defect.  I have had it since birth.  I am disfigured by it.  It is not curable.

Doctors….or demons?

Lady, to me, you will always be a demon.

Pen to paper, ink on the page
Unable to let flow the words I made
A block, a wall, something in the way makes it feel like these words are fake. My heart, my soul, my self I used to pour in the paper
The lines, the truth printed out in front of their maker, never forced never coerced out of his mind but now those same words I’ve written a thousand times seem hard to find.
Have I drank the well dry? Is it because I’ve gotten too happy to cry or feel empty inside? Is that where my inspiration was derived? Where my […]

Well this is my story.

I’ve always had depression since I can remember. I never thought I had a chance at a regular life… I’ve had a pretty rough childhood and teenage life. It all started when I was 5. Something terrible happened to me and it changed me in so many ways. I’ve never been the same ever since.. I’ve been rapped multiple times and I’ve was beat growing up by my step father and when I was 14 I found out I was pregnant and my sons father always hit on me, choked me, and controlled me in every way possible. We stayed together […]

Ugh, why couldn’t I just die properly Saturday? Seriously, I attempt to overdose on pills and wake up on a hospital bed under suicide watch, this fucking blows. I don’t want to be here, I want to be dead. I might as well be dead, it’s not like I’ve got anything or anyone to live for. No family, no friends, no dreams, nothing.

Isn’t that pathetic? Being a 16 year old lonely high school dropout living off a trust fund, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, I guess it’s almost like I’m my worst enemy. Oh well, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

as long as these new voices aren’t telling me to hurt people, I think I can deal with them

It’s amazing what a smile can hide.
It’s amazing how much someone can suffer.
It’s amazing how even the little things affect me to the point of getting depressed.
It’s amazing how people are always happy and they don’t even notice how bad I feel.
It’s amazing how easy is for everyone to say “It gets better” when you know it doesn’t.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to talk to me when they need something and then forget me 2 seconds later.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to say “You’re not alone” when deep inside I feel like I am.
It’s […]

I wish you knew….

I’m sixteen, afraid of death but overcome by thoughts, people, judgement. I used to be mad all the time but now? Sad, depressed, not a full day I can say I’m proud of myself, that I’m accepted and that’s fine, I don’t need highschool opinions/rumours. I don’t want to die but I don’t want all this stress, of the future, of the past, of people. Forgive me for boring you.

i cant do this anymore. i cant keep holding back all these tears. i cant do it anymore. but idk why im even still even here still.
please let it stop.

Whenever i look around me, i see people smiling, people hugging, people caring about each other. i guess im just another stupid girl though. i fell in love with a boy who goes to the same school as me. i see him every day and it hurts me because im still tryin to get over him. he sees that im in pain but he goes on acting like nothign is wrong. i try to find the courage to talk to him but all i end up thinking about is death. i dont want to keep on with this pain. i want it to finish and […]

I had a friend. Her cell phone stopped working. I couldn’t reach her any other way but through the computer. She lived too far away for me to see in person. She would disappear for months at a time after mentioning how she was feeling down and depressed. I couldn’t take the constant worrying about her. So, in one of those rare occasions when she was actually around, I snapped at her a bit. I let her know how much I worried and how much it hurt, trying to get in contact with her and then- Nothing. I guess she must have understood for a […]

Dearest Dear Friends and Family Hello Friends Dear Family
To Whom It May Concern:
Where do I start with this letter? Maybe I should start at the beginning… It’s a good place to start, I guess. For the past five months I have been sad, depressed, suicidal. For the past five months I have guided myself, comforted myself, and hurt myself. I have a friend. It’s a he. I know. Woah. Don’t go all protective on me though, because he has helped me through this journey and I hope he still does. For the past five months there have […]