Had to take a break from the world…. now im back talking and seeing people!! Its going to be my tio’s anniversary friday 5 years when he left this world

Portraits of pain

Painted in

That pretty little head of yours

The wasteland

That all your dreams tour

You sweat it out

The sheets are soaked

Your intentions cloaked

Constantly

Presenting falsities

Expected by society

The world left senseless

By its rose colored lenses

Now reality starts to set in

This life and all its dirty little sins

The truth behind the scenes

Uglier than the face of disparity

Portraits of pain

Calling out

That tiny little

Voice inside your head

The […]

I’m tired of looking for a partner. in a few hours, I’m going to rent a room at the local motel and do the partial suspension hanging method with one of my scarves. ive already semi- attempted it here in my house. i was on my knees and kneeling forward with the scarf tied around the door knob and on my neck right below my jaw. I felt my oxygen being cut off and I felt light headed after about 5 seconds and I took it off. I can’t kill myself in my house, I live with my mom and sister and I don’t want to traumatize them anymore then […]

I’ve met somebody online..

This person is making me feel better than anyone ever did before. This person has an endless capacity to love people. This person is stronger than anyone I met before. This person is positive and happy right now. Maybe ’cause she knows her time will come soon ? I don’t know that, but it’s surprising how a terminally ill person can make me wanna live.

I wish she could stay alive. But maybe she wouldn’t be the same person, and I need to enjoy her “presence” while she’s still there.

why does no one love me? i want to feel liked and different from everyone else. i feel like im living the same day over and over again and nothing is changing. im still the aggrisive upset person that people know me as and i want things to change, but its just so hard, so bloody hard. i want someone who can lift my mood. someone who really enjoys my company and is interested in getting to know me. but its me thats blocking that, because im the same grumpy person i was 2 minutes ago, 2 months ago and 2 years ago. i need […]

I often ponder death wondering if its better than dealing with the pain walking around broken beaten and just done death is always the answer that comes to my mind at least it seems like the easy way out

I wanna feel good toooooo….

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I just almost committed suicide… It was… You know how amazing it feels to have that power? To literally hold your life in your hands? The only reason I stopped is because I haven’t told my best friend good byd, and there is no way in Hell I can leave without saying goodbye to my Oppa. As soon as I tell him good bye, I’m outta here.

I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago and came out of it pretty well considering. Last summer I suffered another injury that has caused some of my brain injury to come back along with new problems. I lack impulse control and I’m severely depressed and get angry easily. It’s just a matter of time before that lack of impulse control triggers me to act on my depression. Even without that problem I try and talk myself out of committing suicide. It would be so much easier for this life to be over.

I hate my moods, they never ask permission before they change.

I want to

REFRESH my mind

DELETE all my problems

UNDO all my mistakes

and

SAVE the happy moments

but it’s impossible…

Sorry, don’t mind me that I didn’t reply to you on my previous posts.

Thank you for replying to me. (Both positive and negative response)

I’m going to stop posting on this website temporarily…

All the Best!

Every cut has it’s own story

so..i’ve really fucked up my life. i’m only 14 years old and what can i say about my life? I’m a teenage girl who smokes cigarettes and gets high with her friends almost every day. i self harm (which i started again today :/) and my friends dont even really like me unless they can smoke at my house.

i’m literally so far gone. i just don’t even know what to do anymore.

you know how they say life is a highway? mine’s a dead end. and i’m ready to give up.

right now, it’s late where i am, but i dont sleep anymore. my sleep is filled […]

I don’t even know what to say

Besides the fact I need someone to talk to, someone who understands loss and pain of a massive scale

I know this seems short, I just don’t know what to say

This is going to be a long night , I already started cutting

If anyone needs to talk to someone, please, talk to me.

Every few days I go out to get some groceries, as I did today. It isn’t that I don’t want to go out- I do want to feel sun on my face and breathe in fresh air. I need that; I need that most days. But I often find myself unable to get out because I am scared, depressed, feeling trauma – because when I do go out,  I feel disconnected, anxiety and very lost. As soon as I am done w groceries I head home, and it also gives me anxiety that I have to make the journey home. I am completely lost and […]

im awfully depressed and lonely so if anyone else feels the same heres my email: cinderlilah2@gmail.com I know it’s a stupid email – don’t judge me, I made it when I was nine. So yeah, please talk to me.

I used to know who I was. I was the person that my parents wanted me to be, and I was happy to be that person. But now, I’m not sure who I am or what I’m going to do. I’m lost in life and I don’t want to find my way again, because I am afraid of what will happen if I do. I feel as if I am lost, and just drifting through life. But I don’t know what else there is to it, because this is all that I remember. Cutting is the one thing that I have control over, to just […]

im 17 years old, im not gonna lie ive had a great life good friends, family that love me, i apprecate it all, but i really want to die i just dont want to live i have no reason to kill myself but i feel the need to i feel worthless, alone and ive been sitting in my room for 5 hours now really thinking about just doing it, i have a rope set in my room ready to go, all i have to do is move and ill be gone forever, before i go please someone tell me is it just me who wants […]

My best friend is having a birthday party in a couple weeks but it’s at a water park. My thighs have pink raised scars and there is no hiding those in a bikini. I’m going to try different ways to cover them up and if that doesn’t work I guess will be “sick” that weekend. I would feel really shitty about doing that though. I never thought I would live long enough to have this problem. It’s not like I want to put a damper on everyone’s day by explaining my scars. I hate getting attention. Surprise everyone I’ve found a religion that requires me […]