I’ve decided that I want to do this.

I have everything planned out, I just need to finish writing my letters. A long time ago the plan was to write a letter for everyone who has ever been a part of my life but now I just want to do close friends and family, it’s too overwhelming to try to write something for everyone, especially people who I haven’t talked to in years.

I feel like this is what is meant for me. After years of fighting and hoping and praying I just can’t do it anymore. Nothing is ever going to work out or stay going […]

I’ve been going out with the same girl for over 5 years. Tonight, when everyone will be sleeping, this is gonna end. Those are simple words. Meaningless words for you all. But you don’t know. Nobody knows. You’re not breathing my absence of air right now. You’re not filled with these sharp sticks inside your stomach. You’re all in your own world and it doesn’t affect you at all. So why am I writting it ?

To distract myself, maybe. To pause the destructive emotions. To use Mr. Brain and forget about Mr Heart for few minutes.

She will cry a lot. She will definitly hate me. She […]

I’m 19 years old and ever since I lost my job in September I feel worthless. When I was younger me and my dad never really got on because he started working offshore and he wasn’t really there for me and I took bad to it. But he got me a job beside him and everything was great I was finally spending a lot more time with him and I got a lot more closer to him then I lost my job due to me getting bullied in the work place. And since then I feel worthless. My self confidence has went right down hill […]

How much more can I screw up at work? Made a mistake that could cost me $350. I don’t have $350.

As of today I am 70 days clean of self harm. Its been really hard for me. But these past few days its been the hardest, especially today. I thought I was done with that part of my life . But then again that’s what I said last time.

Hi Guys,

This is just going to be short and sweet. First off I am sorry that I didn’t post my weekly post yesterday. I completely forgot and I was so tired. Anywho here I am. Yay….

How are you guys?

How am I? Um well… Not so good. It’s so tempting to go… It’s so tempting to say goodbye… It’s so tempting…

Here’s a poem:
My feet hit the soft carpet
I look up at myself
Tears streaming down my face
I look at myself in the mirror for the last time.
I brush my hair to make it look good
I put the brush down […]

Hi,  Im deciding on whether i want to be here for my special someone, or to exit out of  life before things get even worse for me. I have never felt so alone and hopeless in my entire life.

Being poor means living in a sh*t neighborhood in a sh*t apt with super thin walls and sh*t neighbors that are psycho and drive you crazy.

Being poor means not being able to go out and do things because everything costs money.

Being poor means not having a car which means you can’t get anywhere.

So does money = happiness?  No, but but it definitely helps to alleviate a shitload of misery.

Life will be fine. God is with you. Just breathe. I was really suicidal almost 2yrs ago. I was trying all sorts of methods than 1 day i tried a certain method and literally almost passed out. I needed a way to get out of trying to kill myself. One day I was searching online and found this place.I wrote did amyone want to talk because I needed a good friend to vent to and I wanted them to vent back. Guess what? I found my Bestest friend on here! Me and him just connected. It was so akward at first, we would email back […]

So I thought lets do my make up and then go down stairs to eat but.. I did my founation and it was worse then normal so I washed my face and did it again. Ended up doing it 3 times. Worse then normal. Then when I washed my face again I nearly lost my balance and got soap in my eye. I wanted to scream! I had never experience something like this. I was thinking that the devil is playing tricks on mme for fun. I also started crying and thought why should I be alive. Just like I told my mom. Who said: […]

…You know what, despite everything I’ve done to myself, I’m done with myself, because I hate myself. I’m only living now for others, I’m living because they want e to, I’ve been feeling like this for quite some times now after it went away it seems to come back again and I’ve not been able to tell anybody about it. to get by, every day seems like four days and every night seems like I’m fading into a black hole to despair and doom again, I’m not ready to surrender to people for being myself, but I am willing to surrender myself up for […]

I’ve bin confused lately all i can think about is whether i should kill myself or not i’ve bin so depressed idk why though i feel like im nothing all i feel is pain i can’t stop watching suicidal videos cannot stop thinking about it before i even go to bed i’ve tried i have sharp nails so i scratch myself with them it’s the easiest way to help me instead of cutting myself with a knife. Please i know it sounds stupid coming from me … but if your thinking of suicide please i beg you don’t you have meaning and life in this […]

Doing better. Doing worse. If this goes on any longer, I don’t know what I’ll be capable of. Trying to be strong. My mind is breaking down. Snapping. The pressure, no release valve. I can’t shut it off. I made this decision. Made it for good reasons. I have tried to overcome myself and can once again feel myself slipping. everything crushing in so tight. can’t see anything. I can feel my mind falling away. My testament, my great push to become better, falling into another facade, another lie. I keep trying. trying to be strong. how long will it last. So strong, rigid, it […]

its not my fault i was born this way. its not my fault this has happened to me. im so sorry! i have tried so hard. it doesn’t matter. i am letting down those who i love the most. i cant live like this…

I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m […]

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My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. It’s always my fault. I get mad at him for no reason. But it feels like a reason to me. I’ve been thinking about it lately. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. We loved each other before. He still loves me. I haven’t been able to tell him whole heartedly that I love him in weeks. I told him tonight I don’t even think about hanging out with him anymore. I didn’t tell him I can’t imagine a future without him. I don’t know what to do. He asked me to marry […]

A serious suicide attempt is not a cry for help.

It is a cry that started when we emerged from our mother’s wombs.  How happy did any of us look then?  And the sickening thing, the beaming smiles on the faces of our owners, I mean “parents”.  How greedy parents look when that new child emerges.  “You are mine”, they cry, “mine forever”.  And how the child screams, shrieks and squirms to get away from them, to get away from all of it.  All of it a grotesque, bloody, display of ownership and enslavement; a foreshadowing of what is to come.

A suicide attempt is a cry for freedom from […]

I may not be suicidal but i do get depressed because of my lack of motivation and my fear of the future and this is what i like to listen to. So i made a playlist with some music that is nice to the ear and yes i know its hip hop but these songs are not the normal type you see its deep and all about the soft beats and the lyrics. Its poetry with beats. I feel like theres alot of rock and i wanted to put in something diffrent. Do me a favor and atleast listen to The Book  Of soul. Thanks people […]