……or at least be the last in a long line of those not worth living. The pain always outweighs the small pleasures life brings, and i have reached my quota for rejection. I have several methods, any of which will do…..but i beleive i will multitask and be sure this time. All my notes are  ready, maybe a few finishing touches. I am ready, not frightened and haven’t felt this peaceful in a long time. I wanted to thank those who have been kind to me here.

living with them is very depressing

Most people can’t imagine a life without god

Whats wrong if you accept the brutal fact and live. Instead of still believing in that messy myth created by dumb ancestors.

god,religion, philosophy are all rusty and end of life(EOL).

Technology is going to rule next 10 generations. Our generation is at early transformation stage- We must form a new set of rules for better human life on earth

I’m scared to live, so I wanna die. I’m scared to die, so I try to live. Stuck in the middle and the hollowness is too heavy. The logical thing would be to face the fear to live, before the fear to die. But I’m not logical and I want an easy answer, though I know there aren’t any.

I can’t help but feel guilty for even being here. I’ve always believed life is a gift and there’s nothing so bad that it can actually ruin your life; surely if you are so desperate you are contemplating taking your life then surely you are desperate enough to try anything else that might alleviate your pain- and, I so smugly thought, totally changing the life you couldn’t live with would, voila, take away the belief that you need to die.

I WAS SO WRONG.

I understand now. No matter what I do, if I moved a thousand miles away, if I threw myself into a new career, […]

…a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

I can’t separate the things i want, from the things i can’t stand, or handle, or accomplish.

Everything i do want, is attached to enough of something i don’t, to invalidate pursuit.

I can’t find anything that is both available to me, and also worth my efforts to gain it, which are inevitably and irrevocably connected to conditions and/or consequences i can’t, or won’t, endure.

I can’t find, even with all i know and the capacity of my mind to “imagine,” anything… that fills me with both belief and motivation to achieve, accomplish, or attain it… but that is also available, and […]

Endless hours of unbearable pain.
Unbearable pain that cannot be explained
Why do I have to feel this way?
Can’t this feeling of hopelessness just go away?
I am so tired, so fed up
Can’t I just die, get it over with?
I don’t want to try anymore
I can’t try anymore
I have nothing left inside of me.
I had enough
I had enough
Why do I have to feel like this?
I want to end my life
I just can’t take this anymore
Please just let me die
The world would be better of

i am not okay. im ending my life tonight i hate everything. goodbye

Hi.

I started writing down my feelings in  journal but I thought it would be nice to share with people finally.

I don’t know it all started but what I know is that I’m messed up. My family, my body, my mind, and my emotions. I’m not going to say I’m in this emotionless trance.

I still have friends but I hid my true feelings. It’s all starts with my family and how my mother is this fucked up parent. You can basically say I live by myself , but my dads the only one who supports me. He has to work all the time and my mom […]

Hey, hi, hello. This is my first time using this website. I’m really glad I found It. Well I’m Sam, short for Samantha.

I just got into an awful argument with a boyfriend that I love oh so much. He put me down. We both have gone through the same thing. He however, expects me to become as strong as he is. I’m not, and it’s hard. I’m really weak and a coward. I feel like if I died it would make him happy. I fee like it would make everyone happy. I don’t want to go on knowing one day he thought I was perfect […]

It has been a little over three years. I was in depression most of my life but thought that was how life was supposed to be. Until i met her. She was the light that pulled me out of the darkness, out of the lonliness. After dating for over a year i lost her. It has been 3 tears. I still dream about her. I still think about her constantly. I love her so much i cant look at other women. My family are just people i occasionally talk to. Love does not exsist in my life, or in my heart. I gave that to […]

While swindling down a bottle of Americana Black Cherry Soda, I had an idea. my squadron’s chaplain. I knew I could talk to him about my depression. He’s such a kind guy, and he was always very understanding. I’m doing it this Tuesday, let’s pray i don’t get sent to a mental hospital.  And if I do, I’ll see you all on her other side.

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Breathe Me – Sia

That moment when you make a connection with a song….

Hi Guys,

This post is going to be bit short… Sorry about that… It’s a bit late here… About 10:30 here… Sorry about posting so late…

Anywho how are you guys?

How am I? Physically: Sore. Mentally: Let’s not even go into that….

My physical state… Soo I am bit tired… My trip was after school (around 2:30) the group I was with drove up to Menogyn (Took us about 6-7 hours? Maybe seven… Not sure… I think driving was 7… And then picking up everyone was about 1/2 hour… And eating dinner was 1/2 an hour…) Anywho so after that […]

I miss how I used to be.

I never really liked myself before, but at least I was happy. At least I didn’t feel empty inside. At least I felt like somebody important. I enjoyed hanging out with my friends and family. I even enjoyed having time to myself. I actually cared about how I spent my time. I didn’t dread every second of every day. I actually wanted to inspire and impress people with what I achieved in my life.

But now I just want to do nothing. I could careless about about anything.

I just want to give up….

I just wish my life would end. No […]

Living is like cutting a steak with a baseball bat…It is not easy.

I got accepted into a university I really wanted to get into. I’m happy about it, but I still in someway feel depressed. I thought maybe that would be the thing that brings my mood up but then again I’m so easily ready to leave this life. I guess I should be grateful because I’m getting something I want in life and like I said before I understand that I have been fortunate but I have also been unfortunate.

I feel like a college can accept me but people I know or try and get to know cant. But why is that what the hell is […]

a few months ago, I wrote a poem. Here it is now:

For I am Civil Air Patrol. No single word can
Describe who I am, what I do or what I
Sacrifice at such a young age…there is no phrase
That can sum up what we do. We sacrifice
Ourselves for the needy, the misfortunate
And grieving. We cross boundlessly across
Dead and barren terrain, hopelessly searching
For one soul. We receive no pay. No special
Treatment. No acclaim. We simply fight.
Fight for freedom and tranquility within our
Borders.

For I am Civil Air Patrol.
The blood we’ve spilt within 72 years is
Tremendous. Over […]

So…guess who’s back? Annabeth is. She left for a week or so, and I was the only person who cared enough about her to continue talking to her while she was gone, since everyone at school believed that she was gone for good. I thought so, too. But now she’s back, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. When I found out she would be returning to live nearby, I was overjoyed. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there would be a chance that she would finally talk to me in real life. That I would mean something to her. Maybe she could actually care […]

It’s all over now. I think i’m happy!

I’ve done my first youtube video. Feel free to watch it if you have nothing else to do.

Sincerely,

Nobody915

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I’ve lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold […]