did you ever see that film into the wild if you havent stop reeding go on netflix and spend 2 houres of your life in the presents of artistic wonder rely good film any way the man in the film is troubeld by the welth and greed of the world and gos to hide in the wild he is poetic… any wayi wish i could do that just pick it all up and role on out with jacey and stick a midel finger to the world and this cost of liveing we all haft to have i feel srry for the world you know i […]

befor the days were i bent down to pick up pecis of my sole my eyes were bright my hear was long and i didunt cear as long as the sun shone high in the sky but the das are gone were i have time tolook at the sky in a world were i hafe to pay for “the cost of liveing” if you look at it its a joke the cost of being alive… im sorry but what the fuck

At home and alone lone is the only time i let my really feelings show. All sadness, pain and hurt. I try to tell people i really do but i just don’t want the looks that you get after. Not only of worry and pity but also the looks of disbelieving from all the people who believe there is nothing wrong. That it’s all for attention. When really your hurting inside.

sorry if the title misleads but I have come to the realization that where I cut is not helping me anymore.. maybe my body has adapted and realized what im doing.. well I see this vein going along my bicep.. that’s going to be my next area of cutting! its a long vein so I can make a long cut and let just the blood flow

I suffer from low self esteem and confidence, I don’t have anyone to talk to and pretty simply find this is the only way I can cope with my emotions. I don’t have an outlet(other than here) to let go.. I […]

I give people hints all the time that i need help.. mentally physically and emtionally i cry out for help all the time and no one will just open their eyes.. UGHH. I hate life.. I recently watched a really good movie on netflix. It was called the suicide virgins it was really really good yall have to watch it.. It made me think .. i flushed my blades so i cant cut but ive been thinking of so many other objects to use i just cant do it i made a promise  i know if i do one ill keep doing it .

Hello

My name is not important and I have been experiencing suicide ideation and fantasy since I was 10 in my memory , likely earlier, 6 as reported by my mother.

I am 21 now and things are more or less as bad as they usually are in my perception. I struggle with self-criticism, anxiety, depression, etc, worthlessness, hopelessness. You know the ropes by now.

I know there are people that love me and people that care, which makes things all the worse. Usually my ideation and fantasy has more to do with the concept of “un-existing” or “erasing” my life. It’s not a spite or glory or […]

My boyfriend who “loves me” is messaging his ex, saying they are close friends or whatever . Well I don’t like it, it’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s about respect and if theirs no respect in a relationship then theirs no relationship.
It’s not the fact that he can text her a storm and rarely message me throughout the day no, but for him to get upset about my feelings?
He wouldn’t like it of I were to be messaging my Ex, no, no, no he wouldn’t. You know what else he wouldn’t like if my Ex messaged me saying […]

So I got this worksheet thrust at me today (and she even compared it to school homework) about “my intended change.”  Hmm, somehow I think this is going to be harder than writing an analysis of some uncommon piece of Victorian literature.  And far less interesting.  Thing is, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do this on my own.  What else is new.

My intended change:  I told her pointlessness.  Also in the running were boredom and loneliness.

My main goals for myself in making this change:  Um… I don’t know.  To make life not suck?

I plan to do these things…

Other people could help me with […]

Really sucks when you tell your family that you are suicidal and the first words out of their mouth is “you’ll burn in hell”. WTF!!! That’s the furthest thing from my mind when i’m holding the razor blade to my wrist. She did not even ask me why I want to do it and still hasn’t. That was over a week ago and I saw her today and told her again my suicidal urges are growing stronger. Even told her about my dreams I have been having where I go to my own funeral after I commit suicide. Still nothing. I am not telling my […]

Hi Guys,

So today was a reaaaaaaaallllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy good day. 😀 I’m actually kind of crying of happy tears. 😀

So let’s start off. Normal routine with school and stuff, BUT I GOT TO MEET SOMEONE THAT I’VE BEEN DYING TO MEET. And oh my goodness. I’m just really happy. Of course me being the awkwardly social human being I am I just blushed and didn’t really speak. (Sorry about that, Michael). And it’s just amazing.

I finally feel happy for once. I’m finally smiling. 😀 It’s just great. And the best part is that when I got home from where I was, it was about 11:00ish. My sister […]

What is the true definition of perfection?

Entirely without any flaws or defects

We are all perfect in God’s eyes. He made us from his own image.

You might be thinking:

Why did he do this to me?
Why did he put me through this?
Why can’t anyone else see what he sees?

You know I don’t really know the answers to these questions either because I was asking them too at one point in time. But one very wise person once told me:

He only put you through this because he knew you were strong enough to handle it. So don’t loose Faith in him. Don’t give up Hope. For he knows […]

I hope to make it through. I have one more year in this damn house and I’m moving out. I’m so done with my parents! I’ve heard to different stories. I’ve heard college gets worse and I’ve heard college gets better. I guess I have to wait and see for myself. I mean I don’t think anything can get worse then what I’ve been through and going through now. If it does I won’t make it.

I cry not because I’m sad but because I’ve built up so many emotions I don’t know what else to do. But crying leads to cutting, cutting leads to burning, burning leads to bruising, bruising leads to suicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts leads to suicide plans, suicide plans leads to suicide letters, suicide letters leads to suicide, suicide leads to others crying…

Sometimes I feel as though I bother you with all my personal problems. I feel like I annoy you.. I don’t want to add stress on you because you don’t need it. I just don’t know what to do. It’s either you or the internet. I’d choose you if i knew for sure you could handle it.. I just don’t know what to do…

On Mother’s Day I wrote that I wanted to wait until my daughter turned 18. I don’t want to check out while she’s so young, but I don’t see myself holding on another 6 years.

Most people say cheerleaders are sluts, perfection, skinny, and easy. But we aren’t all like that. We are all human we all make mistakes and fight our own battles. I’m an elite and school cheerleader; I am anorexic, on medication for depression and anxiety, and I was diagnosed with OCD. So think before you judge a cheerleader just cause we act confident in our own skin doesn’t mean we are.

I went tanning today and purposely burnt myself… It feels so good to be in so much pain but I have a cheer competition tomorrow and I’m going to look stupid.

Forgive me, for I have sinned..

I have committed acts of lust

I have committed acts of hatred

I have committed acts of theft

I have committed acts of homosexuality

I have committed acts of pride

I have committed acts of greed

I have committed acts of gluttony

I have committed acts of lying

I have committed acts of being agnostic

I have committed acts of feeling suicidal

And here I stand on two feet

Waiting to be struck down

To burn, to live an eternity in Hell

I may be a sinner, but won’t my good deeds in this mortal life do anything for me in the afterlife?

Will I stand at the gates of Heaven, and fall into […]

I learned today that NFL cheerleaders only earn about $70-90 per game, “elite” ones earn more. They only make $1000 to $2,500 per season, more if they make public appearances. That really surprised me. I guess it’s like being a cop or a firefighter or a teacher. You do it because you like it, not because you want to get rich.

I’ve been so close to almost call him or text him saying that I love him, so much. That I miss him so much. I thought that being drunk would help me to do that, cause I get more sensible, thought that would help me to do it by impulse, but not even drunk I can. I’m such a coward and I’m so fucking afraid.