When I’m not doing something I feel like I can’t keep up with my very own mind. It seems to have a will of its own. I can’t controll what it’s thinking, I can’t controll what it’s feeling. It’s like I’m sitting behind the wheel of a speeding car and I don’t even know how to drive.
There’s two things that seem to slow down or focus my mind, drugs and music (when combined I tend to become music).
There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the world that feels this way. All people are either in controll, or they’re not, I’m just in the […]
This fucking black cloud;i think comes from hell and stayes in my head for some days without even asking, is killing me slowly.As slowly and painfull as a snail walks.when this cloud is in my head, my day is over,all i can do is sit in my soffa and watch tv which makes the cloud bigger,But what else can i do?cannot socialise with no one in this mental state,i would punch their faces and beat the crap out of them.when the cloud visits me i change just like dr jeckyl and mr hide i dont know how to spell it,who cares.i hate everybody,every single person,every […]
Last night I had a dream. I was in a dark abandoned forest. Anyway let’s start from the beginning. In the dream it started out I was at my house. My friend who had recently passed away had invited me to go party with him so I did, I got wasted. We all played beerpong, smoked pot and, well just had fun. After a few hours at the party in my dream I had to get going so I left and took my car home. The only thing was the town had changed and morphed in such ways it is hard to describe. It was […]
I might download it, just want to know if it is good:
Set in the most depressing corner of a postapocalyptic future, our heroine Kantmiss Evershot (Maiara Walsh) volunteers to take her manipulative younger sister’s place in the seventy-fifth annual “Starving Games.” In doing so, she must leave behind her smoldering just-a-friend Dale (Brant Daugherty) and team up with the geeky baker’s son Peter Malarkey (Cody Allen Christian) in a fight for her life. But wait, there’s more! She could also win an old ham, a coupon for a foot-long sub at a six-inch price, and […]
I think the most crushing force one can invite upon themselves is guilt and shame. It has driven many great, able men to their graves prematurely. Of which, I am not great or able. I am simply, stupid, and unworthy.
Sometime ago, I had become suicidal. Many days went by, and in order to hold on to the world that was crumbling around me, I made a desperate suicide attempt for attention. those days are long gone. I would never do anything like that again.
I did that, because I wanted the ones I still loved deeply to still be my friends. I had admitted to a […]
We are all just pawns in the play called Life ~
The pains of it cut’s the act like a Knife~
We will all end up husband or wife~
In this play called Life~
Act one is the child, banning out all drama~
When they get hurt they call to their momma~
Then at night they get cuddled up in their pajamas~
In this play called Life~
Act two is the love struck teen~
Pain in love is on the screen~
Envy fills their eyes, the color green~
In this play called Life~
Act three is the grown adult~
I believe they […]
Time for sleep
Lets rest our head
And look at the new cuts that bled
Time to sleep a certain way
So the burning goes away
The next day we wear our sleeves long
To hide the scars and cuts
When one gets touched you wince in pain
Hiding the fact it hurts
So no one acts worried
Later the one you love see’s the cuts..
They plead for you to stop
You promise to try
But with all the stress you break it
Then read the Cutters Lullaby
The cycle starts again
We are all running ourselves into the ground for a matter of nihility after death, breaking our backs in support of a system that is crumbling apart and feeding off of us like the sheep that we are. I can’t do it, I’ll suffocate. I need MY life at MY hand and in perspective, suicide is the only way I have control. I feel like a free energy barred in a disgusting body, being forced to walk the line that endlessly loops itself around the world in contempt, leaving no area untouched.
I do not have the proper guidance, I do not have the finances, I […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf-8aG6ND4c&sns=em
Romans 10:13
King James Version (KJV)
13Â For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
I feel so powerless against depression and loneliness,
tired out and hungry every morning when i wake up (couse im out of  appetite and not eating much).
Today  i cuted myself again (i was ok with it for almost half-year)
The only reason that i have, is that ive go to work at monday again – isnt that funny?
I have so much need for someone close as girlfriend (i never had one) but im too destroyed
i would like just have someone to hug and talk, i would need to study, excercise etc. but i cant.
thinking about overdosing … i feel so POWERLESS
So..I had a good day today. I actually smiled and felt alright.
Now im alone in my room and its all tumbling down. Horrible thoughts abuse my brain. I just wana sleep and not wake up. This life brings me no peace. I have nothing left.
I barely even have anything to say..
Many of you guys have heard about this guy… Â There was a book and movie written about him… Â “Into the Wild”:
Christopher Johnson McCandless was an American hiker who adopted the alias Alexander Supertramp and ventured into the Alaskan wilderness in April 1992 with little food and equipment, hoping to live simply for a time in solitude. Wikipedia
I admire this guy for who he was and for his ideals and adventurous spirit and relate to the guy. Â If you haven’t heard of him, see the movie. Â There are some lessons to be learned about self isolation and other things.
He basically starved to death out there, supposedly […]
I was found 15 minutes later.
The whole story I want to tell you:
Two weeks ago I flew to Prague to meet a girl I had found on here to commit suicide together. I had 26g of ******** powder (Pentobarbital sodium) with me and a bottle of Metoclopramide. This was definitiely to be my last days, so I booked one of the best hotels in town for two nights.
The first night we got totally drunk, I took some MDMA crystals. The second night she was still hesitant and I decided to take the ******** on my own. I remember sitting in the room and crying, I […]
My parents put so much pressure on me to strive for success. I get about 5 texts a day from my stepmother to apply for jobs that will “help me with my future”, none of which I even want. When in the car on my way back to uni the other day, my dad said that if my sister and I don’t get out and make “connections” and “try harder” that we will fail in life. They just want me to work and “get involved” 24/7. Plus they expect me to be happy. No one knows that I spend about an hour a day looking […]
For those who read my post yesterday, I feel the need to give you a feedback on how things went last night.
So I did talk with my friend. I was really anxious about it and unsure if she was the right person to tell everything. Some of you gave me a little strength to just try it. and I gave it a shot. I’ve always been a better writter than a talker when it comes to feelings and I thought I wouldn’t be able to express it clearly enough. But I did, and I guess that the way I told her things were ok ’cause […]
My name is Jeffery Eager. I’m a 24 year old who is tired of life. I have no friends what so ever. In fact, I’ve never had any real friends in life. I live in a crappy apartment that is a total mess. Life is getting so worthless at this point it’s hard to see myself going on for much longer. the only one who cares about me is my mother, who knows I’m suffering daily so I know she will understand my decision. I’m obviously still conflicted, that is why I’m here. Can anyone give me a reason to keep living my worthless life?
Suicide is ultimate goal of my life
but every time I think on suicide, some mysterious emotion from brain interrupting me to proceed.
I really don’t know what is that invisible force/logic/part of brain/emotion acting on me. IMO, all human species are deeply interlaced in a complex network. I think we humans should fund a psychology institute to solve this problem.
If other people are only stopping force of my suicide,
I hardly met 1000 people in my 25 yrs of life, and I am capable enough to convince myself that all are useless creatures not worth sharing a life with them. Hence these guys are not cause of that unknown […]
I just want to sleep I want to sleep for forever I’m so tired of this life it’s becoming even more unbearable
All I want right now is to kill myself. I’m jut sitting in my bed shaking and crying because I’m afraid to move. I don’t want to be alone right now but no one wants to talk to me…and I’m scared
People probably think that the reason why I cut my self is because of a stupid reason but considering that God has seen what has been done and knowing that I was also at fault kills my soul my mind and my heart. I told a couple of people, friends, family… but they all say the same “that’s pretty dumb… that happens to everyone and you think youre different? Please your just asking for attention that’s what everyone wants when they cut themselves.” Maybe that’s true. Maybe I want attention. Maybe the reason why I want attention because I want to be save […]