You tell them that you want to find a beautiful place to die in. They question your motives. You say it’s simply because you’re tired. They tell you that maybe it’s because you never sleep. You tell them that you are worn out. They don’t understand why you’re upset. You tell them that it’s just who you are. They bring up the fact that you smile everyday. You try to explain to them that you smile to remind yourself of who you are. They’re confused that you’ve suddenly become a different person. You apologize for being a burden. They tell you not to worry but […]
I’ve been pondering this for over a year, Â I told myself that if life didn’t get better by the new years came, I’m killing myself. I’ve got no reason to live, I’ve got no motivation to do anything more than stay at home, at school I’m failing every single one of my classes, I’ve got no friends, my family is gone, my teachers hate me, people in school hate me, and I hate myself. Today was it, someone useless like me is better dead anyways, I don’t even know anyone who could possible care about this suicide not.
So tonight, I’m gonna drink all the pills […]
Im just star gazing tree blazing doing my mind right the worlds mine for the taking
aint got time for the one’s who be nothing but faking a few hits form my stash will leave dazed and confused and my fists will have your face battered and bruised
strike like lightning with speed so frighting blitzkrieg attack leaving no time to react came ot conquer the throne that resides to the kingdom in the sky
a place i now call home cloud hopping yea im in my zone stuffing raw cones smoking for insight  isn’t life a delight? as we set ours on course and proceed with a […]
I was on this cite about 3 years ago. hating my life and everyone in it . I met a friend on here and we slowly got better. I was the Highschool cheerleader who dated the football player . So I HAD to be happy .. yes i know fake smiles hurt .. Covering scars isnt easy … and life is hard . I looked in the mirror and felt 120 lbs .. when in all actuality freshman year i was 93 lbs. I thought i was so ugly .. I was stupid cause i brought home all Fs … Â I even ran away from […]
There are thoughts in my head that make others look dead, there are thoughts in my head that make me want death, there are thoughts in my head that push me to break. Then I take and I take and I take these pills that make me feels so numb. When I take these pills that make me feel numb I cut so deep so deep into my flesh that is already tattered, torn and, scarred. After my high subsides I realize I might die. My wrists hurt like hell and I feel like I have fell to the darkest pits of the universe, so […]
I went back to work today…
At office max where we met…
It’s weird being there without you…
I miss you Rob…that’s all…
I should be the happiest I have ever been. But, I’m not.
All I see when I’m alone is shame and fear.
I work a lot, because it’s an escape.
My mentor looks so happy in his photos with his girlfriend. Could I ever be happy like that?
I don’t know who I am anymore! I pushed everyone away. I was scared, and now I don’t know how to go back.
When they asked for my picture for the statewide letter, I only stared at my photos of me and cried harder. I’m ugly.
For nearly a week I barely ate and nearly collapsed twice.
I don’t know whose side I’m on.
I’m […]
I can’t sleep, I just breathe, I am afraid of nights, That’s when they come around, I don’t want them in, I want them to leave, and it hurts like hell, it hurts like hell…
Seriously. There are probably people crying as hard as me right now, because they are sick and they’re going to die and they want to stay alive and healthy. And im here crying because I’m forced to be alive and I wanna die. I could say its unfair but I stopped hoping things to get fair in life anyway! Â I just can’t stand it anymore.
Remember when we were kids. Where the only worry was if someone took our snack or pencil or crayon. But now, now that we are growing up. Now that we are discovering bad things. Now that we are knowing life isn’t just happiness. We want to go back being a kid? I remember when I used to be so happy. So cheery. I remember when I used to not worry. I remember when I used to think I would never cut. I remember when I used to never ever ever think about killing myself. I remember when I could cry. I remember when I felt […]
Is it worth it to push?
Is it worth it to push someone over the edge?
Is it worth it to say?
Is it worth it to say what’s on your mind?
Is it worth to ask?
Is it worth it to ask if I’m okay or not?
Is it worth it to lie?
Is it worth it to lie about the truth?
Is it worth it to fake?
Is it worth it to fake happiness?
Words go far
So very far
They can make a day
or take a life
Words can be beautiful
But they can also be ugly
The beautiful lie? or
The ugly truth?
Careful on what you say
Careful on what you listen to
Careful
Think about what you are going to say
Words go far
So very far
The can make a day
or take a life
Words are an amazing thing
But yet they can be so terrible
Amazing, motivational quotes
Or terrible repeating insults
Words can be engraved in memory
On a grave stone
On a scarred and bloody wrist
In our minds
Words go far
So very far
Miss the days when becoming this fucked up seemed impossible and suicide and death were just foreign concepts. Never would have thought it would’ve ended up like this
Hello guys. No this is not my daily journal entry, just a message. Words go far. They go so far. Some words can either make someone’s day, or take their life. Just remember to be careful what you are saying. Now I know its so much easier to talk online because there’s a delete button, a back space, but in life there isn’t. So if you do make a mistake so you are sorry. Stop them. Tell them that you didn’t think before you spoke. Tell them that you love them and care for them. I remember one day. One of my friend’s texted me, […]
In my opinion, suicide, is NOT selfish. It is something someone does when they no longer can take it.
All the :
Be happy
Get counselor help
Start working out/new diet
Change yourself
IS ALL BULLSHIT. To some people it doesn’t help.
Have had 4 or 5 counselors. My first one at the of…8? Now I am 20 years old.
I didn’t finish high school. Moved away from my parents when I turned 18 to a different country. Became homeless on and off..for over a year. Slept with men for money/food/place to stay. Found a shitty job in the end. 9 months later I just provide to myself that I can’t be […]
Facebook status update box:
“What’s on your mind?”
What’s on my mind? Well here I’ll tell ya..I have so many things on my mind it hurts, it makes me stressed. Plus stress and depression don’t mix. I have been trying not to cry all day so instead I ripped open my skin where it was healing from me cutting myself last week because the main person I talk to to cheer me up was either, busy, playing games, sleeping or his internet was acting up. So I broke almost a year of not cutting because of all this shit. Plus! I have had panic attacks worse […]
What is the lowest point/ season in life that you remember? Did it ever get better from there?
This joblessness is killing me and my money is running dry, it’s only a matter of time. Yet I dreaded the job when I actually had one. No, it’s more the people that I hate, those talentless “high flying†corporate bitches. Pretty sure I will encounter those ugly personalities again if and when I land a job.
Have gone for a handful of fruitless interviews, I think one rejected me because I pointed out a grammatical error in their application form. It is the local branch of […]
You promised you’d be there for me. You promised you’d help me. You promised not to let me drown.
I knew I shouldn’t have believed you. I knew I shouldn’t have been so gullible. You don’t want me anymore. You just want to be ‘friends’ now. But you and I both know that won’t happen. You and I both know we won’t really speak anymore. You and I Â both know you’ve given up on me.
You’re not here for me. You’re not helping me. You’ve let me drown.
If you couldn’t even handle a month of being with me and trying to help, how can I handle a lifetime […]
Pierce thy skin
Make it bleed
A lake of red
So I can be free
Cut until I cry
Tear my soul
Rip it to shreds
Then let it go
Forgive
But don’t forget
The memories
Without regrets
I’m not fine
I’m not okay
Just let the pain
Take me away
you used to stare at me now you don’t
you have a girlfriend and i don’t have you.. and never will…