Its been stuck in my head all day. A few years ago I was called to an inquest (basically a death investigation) for a young girl. I’ve seen dead people before. It is unavoidable if you spend any time as a cop. Gallows humor was common and for years nothing phased me. This one was different. The mother…I can’t get her out of my head. Her tears. Her pleading. I knelt next to her daughter and I was helpless. I was going to try to do CPR until EMS showed up but it only took a moment to understand the truth. Rigor mortis had already […]

I was assigned a short writing piece to describe an event in my life that made me who I am today. This story is true, and while it ends on a hopeful note, this doesn’t mean that I still don’t have apathetic feelings, it’s just that now I have a way of dealing with them. I found this site as I was typing in questions into google, hoping beyond hope that I’d find something worthwhile. I did. An online community of people that are all struggling. I hope you enjoy this and forget your troubles if for just a short while.

I’ve found that life […]

I often wish that a sick bastard who likes to murder people would choose me as their victim. Not only would my husband then be able to collect on the life insurance money, and be able to mourn my death without thoughts of what-if, but he would be the only person who has ever known how my dark thoughts spiral. I am sick of being a burden to him– he is too good to be tied to someone so depressive and anxious. I wasn’t like this when we were married. Well, I was, but I never let the thoughts out, and I felt I could […]

She means well. I know she does. But, it’s my family. I can take care of them, my way. I don’t need her so called “help.” Really, every thing is going just fine the way I am doing it. Why does she have to be all condescending and know-it-all under the pretense of “I’m just trying to help.”  Did I ask for help? No. Do I need her help? No. She thinks I do. And in my mind, that is the same as stating for all to see that I’m a failure because I am not doing it the way she thinks I should.

Who is […]

today as i was walking home with my friends daughter ( whom I live with) from school, we were walking behind a little boy (about 8 or 9 years old). he looked down a path and started walking faster. not even 10 seconds later, 3 boys about the same age walked out of the path and started taunting this poor little boy. calling him a “*****” (mind you, these are CHILDREN using such profanity) a “retatd” and so on.

now, hearing these names come from the mouths of children set off a flashback (i was teased and tormented in elementary school right thru to high school […]

I just wondered where everyone is posting from, and what age most of the posters are. Is this a UK website?

I want the world to know I want to die.

There she lay

In the middle of the floor

With a hand full of pills

The dresser blocking her door

Tears of tourture

Stream down her face

Its finally time

She leaves this place

Her breath, more shallow

Her heart beat slows

She goes back to the place

Where the anxiety grows

She shuts her eyes

To see them standing there

And goes back to the time

When somebody cared

She hears the laughter

Of her childrens delight

And hears the sweet whisper

“I love you mommy, good night”

The little voices

Reek havoc in her head

Knowing she won’t hear them

She knows she’s better off dead

“Mommy, come with me,

I don’t like this at all”

She watched them drive away

Her fists strike the wall

“Please, mommy”

He cries

“I’ll be a […]

Today was the day, but I found myself with a friend instead of going through with it for only one reason – I’m possibly(perhaps even probably) pregnant.  Only time will tell, but he also suspects that I might be(but doesn’t know I suspect it too).  So many signs are there, but I wonder if its just my body playing tricks on me.

I told one friend at the exact moment I had planned to exit, but she just kind of brushed it off.   My “secrets” never seem significant to her anyways, but at least I know they will stay secret.

So now I’m back to taking […]

I am in my last year of highschool and I have never been so alone and afraid in my entire life. During exams last year I went to a party and did something stupid that caused a bunch of girls to say hurtful things to me and it just pushed me over my limit. I’ve dealth with their cattiness for the past 2 years and I was done with it. I called my mom to pick me up and she couldn’t even tell I was breaking down. It wasn’t her fault because I am good at pretending I am okay. When we got home she […]

I keep thinking what am I suppose to do? What is the purpose of all of this? Where do I come from? What should I do? Am I just another insignificant entity? Is it true that this universe where made from nothing? If it true, then all of this is for nothing too? So everything in here is because an accident? Because there is a coincidence that my great great great great great great great great (go on) grand parents met so I’m here? Without a purpose? Without a goal? I’m just here (POOF) and then die eventually because that’s it, I can’t fail because […]

Has anyone decided where they will take their life? I know a lot of people want someone particular to find them, but what about those who don’t wish that fate on anyone? Do you know what you’ll do? Will you kill yourself in the ocean and let “loved ones” search for you for the rest of their lives? Or do it in your home so a random will find you? I’m trying to choose somewhere that no one who knows me will find me but won’t leave people searching for me forever. Any ideas??

It is fortunate that I found this website and messages from people having similar problems.  Misery loves company I guess. Despite medication everyday life is increasingly uninteresting to me and not worth facing the challenge. If I stay for a few hours with people, even the few friends I have, I feel exhausted and need a day or two to recover by being alone. Old mechanisms helping me to avoid feeling the big hole in me stop working and dr Alzheimer is beginning to knock at my door.

In secondary school I realized that when life gets too hard there is always an exit. Now, at […]

It’s 5:02 a.m November 12th and iHavent slept. I have to wake up for school in an hour. I have soo much going through my mind it’s insane. No one knows that I’m thinking about committing suicide and the ones I have told, aren’t taking me seriously and don’t seem to care.. I usually try to stay positive but at this point I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to that won’t talk to me like I’m crazy.. I can’t talk to the counselors at school because they don’t really care, they’ll just put me under suicide watch or […]

im not one to spill my whole life to anyonen nevermind a site full of strangers. but this has all built up to the point of me exploding.

first of i am a twenty seven year old single mom withs ptsd depression and severe anxiety. my kids sperm sperm donors want  nothing to do with them in exception for one whom she lives with

so heres my sttory and i apologize for the length. when i was only eighteen i had my daughter. i felt amazing about it….. until i found out that i had caught a virus and was severely handicapped and i was urged to […]

okay, i don’t have the typical being bullied type of life ,though i’m weak and   expected to be this child prodigy which im certainly  not and every time i fail i’m feel like im turning in to my father i cant handle that …im not like him and i wont ever,well my friends? lol yeah they treat me like shit and i tried cutting myself but if my mother see’s my scars she wont be able to handle it i cant live like this her expectations i cant fulfill  them im a failure i cant achieve shit.
The thought of killing myself leaving this […]

I can’t get ahead and I’m tired.of my life .I hate to struggle. .ad I can’t pay my bills and …I have no choice but to look at other options …I dont feel like this world even wants me., and I’m sick of this selfish world. And thetakers I know
…..so if I have to I’m prepared for my next journey. And I can’t wait. Earth is cool but I don’t belong here. I’m going home ..I m bored of this life and I chose my faith. And beleave.I don’t belong. Here……I belong with my. kind .of people’…that are a little. More
GODLY …JUST […]

Im curious if any of you had written suicide notes? And if anybody is brave enough to share what they said.

Most of us here are seriously contemplating suicide or “just” having suicidal thoughts. My question: Is there something you do during the day/night that helps you keep those thoughts in check?