I often wish that a sick bastard who likes to murder people would choose me as their victim. Not only would my husband then be able to collect on the life insurance money, and be able to mourn my death without thoughts of what-if, but he would be the only person who has ever known how my dark thoughts spiral. I am sick of being a burden to him– he is too good to be tied to someone so depressive and anxious. I wasn’t like this when we were married. Well, I was, but I never let the thoughts out, and I felt I could control them easier. Since I have admitted to him what I think about when I just sleep for days on end, I have been given expensive pills that are supposed to make me happy, but really they just stress me out even more because every 30 days I have to renew or spiral down a darker road and end up in bed for a week.
My husband really is too good to have to be shackled to me.
6 comments
So just quit, fuck the insurance money . . rest yourself & him.
No . . thats a big mistake. what about his pain after u? what about kids?
even u dont deserve to end, fight till last minute. What made u desperate & have dark thoughts? What r those thoughts exactly?
If u dont like to talk in public, just post me;
goods_maker@yahoo.com
Skype: dolunay.80
I’ll reply gladly.
I want my dad to kill me. I want to die and I feel that it is his responsibility. He has always neglected me though. He decided to bring me (a monstrously disabled child) into existence and then has no mercy to help me with my final wish of freedom. I wish he was in my shoes and I was in his shoes. Then I would ignore him when he cries out to me for mercy.
Yes I would like to be killed. The problem is while there are many killers out there who would simply shoot me to death, others are sadists who would torture you to death. That’s why I don’t advertise for somebody to come and kill me. Because I want to be put out of my misery, not brutally tortured to death.
Rach, I understand the sentiment. To motivate me, one therapist asked, “welk what would you do if you won the lottery.” My response was “hire a hitman to kill me at random.” Is it twisted to say I would help you if I could?
Heh, I always said I’d offer someone my life savings to shoot me.
@ fortunear it is not twisted at all. The perception that killing is always evil is ridiculous. There is obviously such a thing as mercy killing. I feel that those of us who are disabled (or anyone for whatever reason who’d like to go) should be able to elect to being killed. However it should first and foremost be the responsibility of the parents that chose to bring us here. They knew they weren’t exactly bringing us to candyland. But there was a woman on Dr. Phil she has two severely disabled adult children. She says “I want to help them die peacefully. They have no quality of life. They used to be so full of life.” Well of course society just rips this woman apart she’s a “murderer” she’s “selfish”. But those of us who are existing in a state of suffering..we get it. This woman aint evil, she is trying to be her children’s angel.