I am 16 right now. I would not be 16 if it hadn’t been for a mircale.
I was that kid who always seemed to be followed around by bullies. I had constant thoughts about what the world would be like if I were not in it and once even asked my friends if they would miss me if I were gone. Of course they said they would, but then, I didn’t believe them.
One day, I was walking home from school and I saw a big semi-truck coming my direction. The light had just turned green for him.
I thought about how painless and […]

I’m happier. I realize that. But there’s still this aching in my soul, knowing that I will never be understood. I’ll always be alone. Nobody has ever really wanted in on my life, and when someone finally did, they broke my heart, quite maliciously. And now, I’m smart enough to realize that if anyone ever claims to love me, it’s fake. They’re using me or wanting to hurt me or they lost a bet or something. I’ll never be really loved. I don’t deserve that at all. If you saw me, if you knew anything about me, you’d agree. And it just sucks. I don’t […]

Seems like bad things keep happening. I can’t keep up. No time to deal with one issue before another one starts. I’m so hurt and exhausted that I can’t think of anything to do but end my life.

Does anyone here relate to having severe tinnitus?

Mine is akin to the sound in the you tube video here :
Tinnitus nightmare

I have had it for the last 2 years. Can’t imagine having to live all my life in this slow maddening state of torture. Hmmm..

I started cutting today… Now I understood why teens cut.. It’s not because they wanted to… Something pushed them off the edge to do it… Someone they wanted to please because their only mistake was being alive… You can’t say they’re going to hell… Someone hurt them so deep and so badly…. And sometimes physical pain is just much better than emotional pain… Physical pain is just much better… Much much better… The cuts shows the hurt behind the mask… The bleeding is prove of existence… The bleeding shows the amount of pain the heart bears…. The bleeding is the one that reveals everything…. The […]

1 : Write all the reasons why you want to commit suicide
2 : Wait for everyone to send their responses
3 : It’s done! now let’s compare the results…who has the worst life?

(It may seem stupid but it isn’t)

It feels like im getting worse by the minute. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to give up, but I know I shouldn’t..

I’m nice, pretty, smart, and yet I feel as if no one understands me. The feeling has been growing and morphing into something bigger, most easily explained as a gaping void where my soul has once been. All happiness has gone from life, and all purpose. I know I need to do well in school, yet I don’t want to study. Everything seems trivial and of minute importance, even hanging out with friends. None of them really care about me, and I don’t have a best friend. I know that if I dropped dead they’d say something like, “Oh. That sucks. I can’t go to […]

I have lost my lust for life many years ago. At first I thought it was a phase that I would grow out of but I realize that the older I get, the more I lose the desire to live. I don’t have any glaring problems with my life. I have a decent job and I don’t have any pressures, but I find the only pleasure I get out of life is from sleeping. I sleep with a tank of helium (and tubing, gas mask, etc) under my bed because it gives me comfort to know I have the option available […]

https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/09-Stitches.wmaFeeling like I’m burning down

The tallest tree in the forest

Falling to the ground

But please don’t walk away

I need you

To wash away

The searing sin

Carved into my chest

As I refuse

To live like the rest

Of this mess

Clinging to life, like an addict to his pipe

Faith and hope, the crutch they always

Promote

But I’m not one

To swallow all their lies

The fear they hide inside

Is one I proudly wear

On my sleeve

Because I’ll be

The first, to leave

Why is it that most times, it’s the people that are nearest to you that hurt you the most? Sometimes, she wonders why he had to pick her. At the tender age of 12, her world came crushing down around her. That was when she found out that people aren’t always what they seemed to be. He was suppose to protect her, to be her shield, to be her hero. But instead, he left her broken, bent, an empty shell of what once used to be a vibrant young child. Life is cruel sometimes, and sometimes, the cry for help is drowned out by people […]

Ive never blogged before but I feel this is my last outlet of communication.

I dont understand why I dont have the same feelings as everybody else. I am a new father and I hate my girlfriend, my son and everything my life has become. I hate who I am, the only girl who elicits any emotional response from me has no idea how important she is to me and I cant ever let her know the secrets of the skeletons in my closet.

All I can think is it must be easier to pop myself and start again in the next life…. and if there isnt […]

I guess is right

Last few days i’ve felt pretty lost. Not so much that i don’t know where i am, or where i want to go, but that i have no idea how to get there, or how to not be stuck where i am. It’s a different kind of lost; much more like ‘stuck.’

Kinda feelin’ like i gotta go.

I don’t really want to, but i can’t seem to find another way forward or out.

Need money, but can’t get it. And since i can’t get money, i can’t do anything but wait for more of my life to tick away into the abyssal past, unspent. So as long […]

After last summer’s episode with a 5/8 in blade, I realized I could and needed to go much deeper. The question was how far? I looked at my body with a small, but variable layer of fat over my abdominal muscles and the thickness of those muscles.  I wanted to get the blade just inside the abdominal cavity just to see if I could.

I have a knife with a five inch blade. It is a Gerber dagger with a very sharp double edge and not too wide. Even going 1.25 inches, it would cause a wound only .5 inches wide or so. I measured off […]

I hate being bipolar.

I hate it more than anything.

I hate not having control over my own brain.

I’m in my late thirties and I still can’t believe some of the stuff I go through. I keep hoping things will change but they don’t. I’ve tried everything I can but I still end up getting hurt or disappointed. I thought about suicide before and never tried it but I think all my other options are out. I can’t keep fighting and fighting. Nothing is getting better. I’ve been doing this too long. At this point if it didnt change by now its going to.

i was just watching In Time with JT and Amanda Seyfried (cute). For those who haven’t seen it, its quite unique. The year is 2150 or so and humans have been engineered to stop aging at 25 years old. The problem is that once you reach 25 a digital second counting clock on your arm starts meaning you only have a year to live. Another problem is you dont actually get that whole year because you have to spend your time on food and such. There are different time zones. In the ghetto most people live day to day […]

Thinking about death,

Wishing it  would just happen

My Life feels out of breath

My world has just blacken

I want you

But I know you don’t need me

Without you my life is just a fall through

Without you my heart is just burning to a third degree

I just want this life  to end

I don’t want this nightmare to continue

I don’t need this miserable life to extend

I will always miss you

All these tear are for you and there coming down like a thunder storm

Without you my life is just a big hurricane

I’ve done nothing but harm

I have nothing in this life to gain…

I am a person that gets a lot of nightmares, a lot of really extremely f*cked up nightmares, but I am troubled over a recent dream.  Well, first I should explain that in my dreams I am always in a perfect form (not at all disabled).  Strong and healthy.  In this bloody dream I had been sent with a few other poor souls to a sort of haunted mansion type place.  It was full of gruesome different types of demons in different rooms which we were forced to find and kill a certain number.  If we succeeded in killing them all we’d be allowed to go.  Well […]