Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night from a unusual dream. Strangely, as I laid frozen in the bed I could feel eyes watching me. I looked around the room unable to see anything but the thick eerie darkness that surrounded me. When I gathered enough courage to get out the bed, I walked over to the window and looked out and from a distance, standing in the dark, I saw a old woman looking at me, holding a hand carved doll in her hand, the scary thing is, it looked like me.

Or not be staring at everyone around me or go to the, mall during the day

Has anyone ever pictured their own funeral? You’ve brough your years upon yours of misery and melancholy to an end in your own design. It’s all over, you’ve drawn your final breath and have finally accomplished what you sought most. Now, you’re laying cold in your very own mahogany box, dressed immaculately with your stiff finger locked across your  forever stilled chest. Who’s there? Who silently weeps as the entrance melody plays? Who numbly places a photo underneath your cold hands and utters a few words? Who trembles under your literal dead weight as they carry you to be elegantly laid to rest? Who throws […]

i take medicines for depression and i am getting tired and tired.really it is hurting me.it is better to be depressed than
This.doctors suck.

I will learn to communicate with people and not bring my feelings into it

I hate when people say how r you doing

then i *** horrible

then why

daaadaaa

let skip this shit

no one can help me, what a sad excuse for a life i am

I don’t really have much to say for myself. I just wanted to let you guys know I haven’t died yet.

Thank you so much, I really mean that more than those dumb words can express. Thank you for posting in my last thread with comforting thoughts, thanks to everyone who has replied to any of my crazy posts, or even if not, thanks for taking the time to read.

The bridge was there. That big yawning gap was still calling me. I don’t know why it didnt happen. Maybe it was because there were 2 orange barrels that werent there before, and I wasn’t sure if […]

wow… that was fast. My father already made me an apointment to a psychotherapist after 2 hours… looks like they care after all…. i dont know who to believe anymore…. has anyoneone ever felt

that: you dont believe in your own thoughts?

Another year has passed…..another miserable 365 days….so what that makes me…..8035 fucking days old…. I’ve been absolutely wretched for almost a third of that time…….just pathetic……..Today is my birthday and I feel fucking horrible…..I’m 22…..and I fucking hate it…..Another fucking year further from my treasured memories…..I don’t want to celebrate…..I don’t want any gifts…..I don’t want to be sung happy birthday to unless you replace “happy” with “crappy” then I guess its acceptable….I don’t want anything except to lay in my bed and dream I’m back in 2002 in Ms.Lagranges class. I couldn’t even cry….As much as I want to I feel more shame than […]

Well… This sucks

im just… like… wtf? Sorry about the grammar, im still… high?

It was about 1 AM. I had been by the lake in the woods since 10 PM, sitting on the ground and waiting for everyone to leave or go home. Had problems with some stoners, who were melting just few meters away from me, they were staring at me constantly. I was about to leave and look for another place (sad, I really enjoyed the view there ) but at the same moment I thought about that they ran away. Still wandering why did they run? Whatever… So I sat there some more, […]

It’s strange…
When you have never met, or even spoken to a person…yet you feel like on some level you already know them.
It may be you feel that way because of things that someone tells you about them,
or it may be because in a way you know what they are going through.
You know them through someone else’s correspondence with them,
because you try to reassure the person that loves this stranger you feel you know.
You feel helpless…because you wish you could tell that person how much they are loved by someone, yet you can’t.
You feel useless because with all the […]

So deaths a pretty terrifying thing for me to think about and yet it consumes my entire life. I basically can’t stop thinking about “offing myself” and have been thinking of suicide as an option since I was 14 now (23).

I can’t stand the people who say “it’ll get better” yeah sure, I might end up having a good day but, it never gets better, never. I sit here and think about my fabulous options – my choice of death candy. Butane is something I’ve been looking into and seems like a pretty awesome way to bury yourself in the dirt. You even get to […]

This is hard for me to write. I can’t see through the blurriness vision caused from the built up tears in my eyes. I feel so alone. I’m losing my grip. Each day I ask myself, “Why am I still here?” And each day, I have no answer. I sit here alone wondering what life would be like if I were to just disappear. Just leave from my current school to a different place I never heard of or even imagine. I don’t imply on taking my life, though I thought about it before many times. I just need guidance. I need someone to reach […]

Life suxx. & Everyone knows that..  Every day is hard for me. Sometimes I think it would be better off if I was dead. Then I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Or worry about anything ever again.Maybe it’ll make everyone happy if I was dead.  Cuz I guess I’m the “PROBLEM” I just don’t know if I can do this anymore…. Death seems like the perfect answer to end all of my worries. I just wish someone would fukking shoot me or better yet I’d shoot myself. I just wish that would happen ASAP…. I’d be the happiest person ever if my wish came true. […]

Lifer hurts. I need to find someone to listen to me, someone who is going through this too.  Have you ever

It’s 11:47 and I suffer, I hurt, and I cry. The only guy who cares I can’t be with, I’m losin my bestfriend I talked to her about everything what do I do now? I broke and cut again and again. Wrote another suicide note..

I’m not sure I do. But I am sad that I hurt my beautiful mother.

Basically, I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about how I want to die so badly right now. But I need to try and make it through another 2 years to make enough money at this home-based job to pay off my student loans.

The issue is that a close childhood friend who I’ve known forever and is my best friend lives kind of far away. But she has a really important life event happening next year and even though it’d be horrible of me not to go, I’m starting […]

I’m not one for cutting,  burning, choking, erm, directly harming my own body. ..unless I’m beating the shit out of inanimate objects,  but that’s neither here nor there.

So instead, I start fights.

Because I can.

Because I’m a dick.

Because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing anymore.

Tonights filler: bar-brawl-induced-black-eye

I’m in the arms of my two year old niece, who says “don’t cry titi, it’s okay” and I can’t help but get the thought that at this moment- she is worth fighting the urge for. For this very moment, I will not give up for her.

Today has been the worst day of my life. the absolute worst. the first that happened was this one girl, a girl who truly loved me, told me she hates me. i deserve it too. i unwittingly lead her on, when i realized what i had done the only thing i could do was break her heart. and i broke it… i stomped on it. i still feel awful about it. today was the first time i’d talked to her in a long time, she told me that the only way for her to mask the pain was for her to hate me with passion. […]

Soft whit magazine covers and a slightly shuffled rug that I have named Charles. The same glass in the windows that was there before, god they must be tired of my finger prints. I should really use the doorknob but sick people rub there noses and then touch them and that weirds me out. Anyhow it’s a sick condition game “are you ill enough to buy your way out of here with a prescription or 2? or do you need more time for the infection to set in a little deeper? It’s ok if you need more time, there’s still a few animals left […]