I write here almost everyday. Today is the worse day in a long time I feel so sad. I feel it through out my body. I don’t think I will be getting out of bed I’m to tired. You know I think things were getting better he was making me feel okay when he was around. Now he’s gonna go away for three years. I want to go away to but my parents tell me everyday that it’s selfish. That does not make me feel any better. I feel so used. I feel so walked on and beaten down. I know I should suck it […]

i never thought that i will ever return back to this place again in my life…but i don’t know what to do..
life sucks.. there is so much of stress..
so much of loneliness..i don’t trust anyone..i don’t want to talk with anone i don’t know what to do..i feel i am mentally ill.. i don’t know.. she left me again..fuck………i want to cry loud

I used to cut. Not a lot, just every now and then. The pain helped relieve the emptiness inside me, gave me the strength that I desperately needed, and also helped me punish myself for my mistakes and inadequacies. I had this really sharp box cutter that would cut pretty deep. But after my mom figured out what I was doing, she took it, along with my stash of industrial chemicals that I was saving in case I decided to make another attempt. That was almost nine months ago. Most of my scars have faded and are barely noticeable now, except for one scar which […]

Well, um. Whoo, how to start. There’s this girl, a childhood friend of mine. We’re really close… she’s probably like my only real friend. Right? BFFs and all that for life.  We both bonded over something similar after all- victims of sexual violence. Grisly topic. No need to really get into that. But anyways, we made suicide pacts together. Then a few months ago, she disappeared completely. I was all, miserable to be alone for one, but happy for her, that she’s finally at peace, and I spent my time mourning, dodging my parents urging for me to start University, and trying to be brave […]

Holy shit, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I feel like I’m so up and down. I like when I’m up, but that makes the downs so much harder to handle. I hate this. It’s excruciating to be depressed. I just think about suicide constantly, and I feel so alone, even when I have people to talk to, even when I have friends surrounding me. It’s times like this that make it hard not to just get it over with. And nobody has no idea.

Things are getting bad again. I’m keeping everything in though. All my emotions, feelings, passions. I’m keeping them on the inside. I know this is a horrible thing to do. One of the most horrible things anyone could do to themselves, since it is mental self-abuse, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to bring any one down. I don’t want to hurt the people I love, I don’t want to hurt anyone the way they hurt me. Maybe I’m just drowning in temporary sorrow, or maybe this is a permanent thing. Ya know, it’s unique and unreliable but it always comes back. The […]

I attempted to bond with my mother. I tried to make her feel special and appreciated.

I painted her nails and tried to pamper her for a bit.

I put on the biggest smile. I laughed and I talked in complete sentences for once.

I actually maintained conversation and acted happy.

I couldn’t do it. She kept getting upset at the loud noise my siblings were making. She yelled at me for trying to talk to her.

After finishing, I quickly maneuvered to my room. I can’t take it.

I was just trying to make memories with here before I decide.

I’m using all the time I can in order to make […]

My dog is the ultimate homie. I often wonder if anyone enjoys my company as much as him. Anyday, anytime he’s pumped to see me except for a few times when i got pissed as all hell at him for running away. I can’t blame him though I feel the same most of the time. Thinking of running away is often the only thing that gets my blood bumping. The farther I imagine myself from here the harder my heart beats. I feel alive. I just want to fade away, never to return. I’d like to head down to patagonia and surf one of the […]

Sometime I wonder why my friends bother to spend time with me at all. It’s like they come to hang out with each other in front of me but not hang out with me. It’s like I’m not here at all. I’m so sick of being invisible. I wish that I didn’t want to be noticed. I wish that I could be content to be by myself. Why must we have this desire to be with other people? It’s tortuous.

I want to die I dont feel like living anymore I sometimes say to my self why did I come to this world I wish I was dead I told my mom to move me school because every one tease me im tired I feel like sucided my self

It’s becoming so difficult to stay strong, my mom constantly is yelling at me and I even tell her that she makes me feel like shit and she doesn’t care. I found her pill stash, I’m taking all of them tomorrow.

I am a pansexaul male. I have the ability to love and accept all people for who they are. Yet, why can nobody love or accept me? Every time I let someone look at my soul, they run away. Duck and cover. This is why I am closed off, this is why I am plastic

I am a voice, yet I am unheard. I have a mouth, but it never speaks. My eyes see it all, my hears never stop listening. I am a body. This is all. I have to hear, but I never can be heard. I am alone. I want it to all stop. The noise.. Just stop.. I am begging. Just stop.

Life until we’re eight-six only makes sense if you’re entirely derptarded. I’d say that people that are
1.) parents and/or
2.) wealthy
had sensible reasons to live beyond their own decrepitude..

But there are many many rich fucks and parents who are idiots and still kill themselves each day. To be dumb enough to stay happy into your nineties, you gotta be special. Like this guy:

I’m falling apart. Everything and everyone I once cared about dont matter to me anymore. I use to be a really good soccer player and loved it but now when I play I don’t feel the same happiness I use to. I don’t care about some of my friends anymore. I feel like they all are fake and will leave me like my last friends . I just seem not to care about anything really.

I saw a really sad story on the news. It was about a teenage girl named Rehtaeh Parsons from Nova Scotia. She was gangraped by four boys from her school after getting drunk at a party. Her peers then started cyberbullying her and calling her a slut and some guys even asked her to have sex with them. She waited 3 days before going to the police and the police refused to charge the boys due to lack of evidence. The boys weren’t even punished by the school administration.

Being a teacher myself, I really feel bad for this girl, having students in this age group. […]

Goodbye people.. im done

Fuck your lies. No offense to Gaia, but I’ve wanted to get off this planet for decades. Fuck your illusions, your wargames, your stupid tech, your amusements, and your apathy. You’re lame in your torture, pathetic in all executions, even with the resources your oppression truly does cause me to romanticise my eventual death… All this fucking pain I go through because all the right people are dying for the wrong reasons… Yeah, I want to quit. I want to just grab that blade and end Me… But that’s where the real pain comes in… As much as I want to fucking die I can’t […]

That’s me.

stop all of the dreams
and start all the nightmares
in my head
if this is what life means,
i’d rather be dead.

shut off the world,
turn off the lights
this is your time dear
you go tonight
write your goodbyes,
and say your last words.
pick up the knife,
ignore how it hurts

Scream!
into the night!
this is your time,
spread your wings
prepare for the flight!
darling i’m jealous!
cause you get to die!
and i’m left drowning,
here in the lies.
i can’t open my eyes.
the dream is permanent.
i cannot escape from it.
eternally sleeping.
never will i wake up.