I want to say thanks to everyone on here who as listened and talked to me. Even if you just read my post. Since I started posting on here I haven’t been cutting. Everytime I post something I don’t cut. I feel so much better..in the past few days K have started doing my hair and make up..Again thanks<3

I’m writing more because I feel I didn’t express myself enough yesterday. In the beginning of ninth grade year I went to a performing arts school,I applied because I always wanted to follow my dreams of becoming a musician and to me applying to this school was my of feeling like somebody after being bullying made me feel inferior. Once I got there the people I saw were talented and confident and I just lost hope after that and classes weren’t as enjoyable because I kept thinking so negatively so I decided that I would drop the program to work on my skills and come […]

i wasnt molested as a child. i dont cut. i dont eat too much or not enough.

i’m just not right. dying seems better than feeling like there is this big monster eating you up inside. theres no specific reason that i feel like this- i just do, and once you start to feel like this, its damn hard to stop. i want to go back to being me.. not this shell of a person.

i guess all im trying to say is .. i need someone. anyone to talk to. maybe you could help.

I have always struggled tried and worked out myself to get what others get without blinking..life has placed me in a situation were i would have to live every minute of my life regretting..i would be 20yrs of age on the 18th of ds month buh i am just dust and wind…the past wasnt filled with roses.and i am not being funny.i have never walked in a real park..when i was young i wantd to become many things different from the sorry case i am presently..i just sleep,eat,walk,sleep,walk,my system is not even connected to the internet…i know there s a power controlling the balance of […]

Just wanted to say good bye..

Li

I’ve finally gotten what I wanted, be and my boyfriend together. But it’s different. We are WAY more distant. I can tell he’s not telling me everything. I know him better than I know myself. I know I’ve changed but am I THAT different?

After this post i will kill myself and i already planned it out and theres
Nothing anyone can do… Im not here to get help and I’m sure i wont get noticed
On here… I guess saying good bye to all you strangers
Makes me feel i had someone in this life.. Good bye everyone….
Li

Ever been told about the “great” feeling of being in love? It’s a fucking lie. Love hurts, loved ones lie to you and if you ever get into a serious relationship, they’ll  just hurt you in the end, and trust me it hurts like hell. I was depressed and suicidal, met a boy, he took away my misery for a while. I loved him, but also just really wanted someone to save me from myself, to be honest. But i thought i was only with him because i liked him, and because someday, we’d actually serious about “us”. I broke up with him, because of […]

im worried that my sun flower is gone.. i have not seen or heard from its beautiful soul. i just say her last night.. but i know what could have happened if anything happened at all

Sunflower pleasee..! i need you..

Last night my best friend and i were at her boyfriends house. she had skipped her dance class due to an anxiety attack caused by her mom. so she ended up meeting me at her boyfriends house to chill for a little (by chill i mean to help her chill out and relax). but when she has anxiety attacks or panic attacks thats when she cuts herself. and she took something that i was not happy with, but i understood why she did. i held her hand and we talked. she was going to come home with me to hide and get away from her […]

I just want to be alone. Most of the time, I hate being alone. This isn’t one of those times though. I don’t know, honestly. I kind of don’t know a lot of things. All I know right now is that I want to be left alone with my thoughts. Thoughts that are clouding my head, thoughts that are destroying what little I have left. Just let me be alone. It’s not your fault, okay? It’s mine, all mine. I’m selfish, I get it.

What do you expect?

Expectations are based on past experience, but as the old saying goes, past results are no guarantee of future returns. Sometimes expectations get in the way. Sometimes you don’t understand the irrationality of your own expectations, and don’t know how not to hold onto them as if they were your safety blanket. They’re comforting; they seem to predict the future and tell you which way not to go, because when you’ve taken those courses in the past, storms have overtaken you. The problem is, on the other side of those expectations, there lies a goal you wish to reach, and the only […]

Its a feeling of falling… the thumping in your chest, the clenching of muscles…

I dont know where else to turn to anymore… i dont feel its depression anymore.. its a constant state of loneliness… I culd be standing in a room full of people, yet i will never feel more alone…

When i see happy people, others laughing, others interacting..socialising, it makes me free fall into the pit of emotion… i put on the mask for work, begging that i can out it off, and not loose it, it being the only thing i have left in my life, it being the only thing that keeps […]

Why is the dark so much closer than the light.

Why is something we want, we have to fight.

Why is the sun so far away.

Why doesn’t, why doesn’t it stay?

Why is the pain always there.

Why are they happy, it’s never fair.

Why am i always so very sad.

Did i do something, something so bad?

Why is there always a sort of kind of blue.

Why is it nothing, nothing to do.

Why can’t i be ever so splendour.

I need to do something, i need to surrender.

Why is the path always so long.

Why can’t i sing such a happy song.

Why are they always so mean.

Something’s funny, I’m not very keen.

Why can’t […]

Sometimes it’s ecstasy.  Trying to sleep, thinking colors and music all blending so loud, I’m afraid my brain noise will wake up my husband. Most of the time, though, it feels like a struggle to breathe.  Each respiration is an affirmation of life, and I become less and less willing to affirm this life, terrible gift, that was bestowed on me. Since I fell into these moods at 11, the age of 30 seems like a nice round number with no regrets.  Right now, deep in the darkness, I count the days until then.  Less than three years til that birthday, just waiting for this […]

This is my problem right now.  The man I love is gone.  They say he hung himself.  I go through our old texts before I changed my number and it says that he is doing good and just wants me to come and see.  Now that all this has happened, I finally did and it was true.  I was so self-righteous and spiteful that I didn’t even try to believe him when he told me.  He thought that money was the most important thing to me, and he did something desperate to get it.  He had me listed as his emergency contact but it was […]

Basically.

I’m done.

Since the age of 8 I have been going through shit, and I simply can’t deal with it anymore. It’s as though I’ve entered some alternate dimension where God picks on me for his amusement, I’m in college now and it was supposed to end, but it’s just getting worse.  I’m smart you know? Straight A student. But..since I was eight I have been homeless, I’ve lived on the streets and all. It even got to the point where my family decided “Hey lets all sleep in a bar..” but i refused because.. well… it was the last straw. I won’t type my whole […]

That’s all. I just want anyone, someone to care. I don’t think I can feel like this much longer and still persevere.  I don’t feel like anyone cares. Most days I just hope that someone asks me how I am, or offers a hug. I am usually disappointed. I feel so lonely I think I would consider jumping in front of a car, that is how awful I feel. I feel that the world would be better off without me, and that nobody would care or notice if I died.

Recently my best friend(Shania), who I am so close to I consider a sister, lied to me. We started fighting when she started dating a guy named Anthony… When they were dating I told her “If you two do anything then you will loose respect that I have for you.” she told me she wouldn’t… they ended breaking up a few months later, then a few weeks later everyone started calling her ‘Squirt’ or ‘Squirtle’. I then asked them why they were calling her that, so they told me “Anthony and her had sex in the back of his car and it was all wet.” […]

It’s funny how problems always come after other problems go away. I feel like taking away the main problem right now. I guess most of my issues are karma for things I did before, but I just feel like taking it out again. I have access to a gun, and I feel like using it, either to end the pain and restlessness and get myself committed to a nice padded room to run around in.

Sorry for the shortness and grammar errors. I stopped evolving educationally years ago and dropped out too.