I never realized how far I had fallen until I glanced at the table next to me, and there lay the razor I used to cut myself, the pen I shoved down my throat to vomit what little food I had, and the mostly empty bottle of vodka I had been drinking……..all in a row.

Ok i know this is long but can you PLEASE jusr read all of this and shoot me a comment? It doesnt have to be life changing or anything i just wanna be heard but i do prefer life hanging comments. Well jeres my awkward story. It probably doesnt make mucH sense but whatever.please help me.

It all just hurts. Ive been ignoring my depression for a long time and ive felt empty which is definitely better than depression. But then i heard one of my friends attempted suicide. I wanted to help, but when i got back into talking about it it was like i […]

Well. Venturing here on SP for a few months has really been the saving grace for me. I came here on the lowest of lows, where I was on the verge of suicide, almost about to do it coming across the long helium hood post that midnight and reading the whole thing I decided to take a chance on this website posting my story I had never shared with anyone else but 1 person but I don’t know. I try to tell myself no but sometimes I wonder if she’s the reason I’m here or not, but that’s a different story. After getting numerous responses, […]

i’m to the point where i don’t see any reason to try..every time i do i just get shot down and it gets me no where. i am ready to give up but then i think of my little sister..it kills me, i do all i can to make the people around me happy but not one of them can even return the favor a tiny bit..i’m just about done. </3

I don’t have any motivation to do anything anymore. I use to think about suicide a lot, since I was in High school. It made me so happy just thinking about it. I have never harmed myself intentionally, but now I am in community college since I couldn’t focus in high school. I feel even shittier, I’m failing everyone of my classes. I always daydream that I was alone in a house overlooking a jungle. I just wish I could pay attention, and participate in the classroom discussion. I just hate how I am complaining even though there are people out there worse than me. […]

Bald tires on truck? Done.
Rain in the forecast? Not yet.
Can’t seem to catch a break with ANYTHING.
At least it will look like an accident…

Before 2003, my life was ideal. My parents loved me, loved each other, loved my sister. I loved me, I loved my parents, I loved my sister. I didn’t have a care in the world. I thought my life was bad back then, but now, I would give anything to get it back. Because shortly after my fifth birthday, everything turned to shit.

My parents got divorced out of no were. My and my sister has no warning, but of course we didn’t; we were four and five years old! It wasn’t really the divorce that made me so distraught, but what happened to my mother […]

I think God has to exist. Everything we stand for as humans is contradicted if God doesn’t not exist. It would literally be the most depressing thing ever.

If I’m thinking of committing suicide or anyone else for that matter is it that wrong to pray for me or someone else? Pray to God even if i don’t truly believe in Him or if i really do.

I like most of you find myself alone. I’ve found myself caught in tar trap. Fighting for a reason to surface.. Only to drown yet again..

But this… This one, is for Darcy..

D– Is for the demons, she hides with every blink. For every day she spends awry, with too much pain to even think.

A– For the angel watching her from above. With the warmth of a baby’s laughter and a mother’s love.

R– Is for remember, for that is what I’ll do. I don’t know what I’d do; with only memories of you.

C– For her care that makes ones mind go racing. I know tomorrow will be […]

I feel like I’m drowning right now. The last few months I have been desperatley grabbing onto anything. Anything at all, just small tiny things to keep me from going under. I’ve been really utilizing denial and distraction. Ultimatley this just sets me up for giant meltdowns.  I know what needs to be done. It’s like a splinter in my brain. The outcome is becomming increasingly obvious. If my life was a book or movie, you wouldn’t have to finish it. My life has been a shitty melodramatic indie film. Not the type that wins sundance awards. Just a crappy, badly scripted and acted film. I’ve […]

I posted a little while back about my situation, and I am realizing that not only is my depression linked to my tattoos (I have so many) it is a chemical imbalance that I did not believe in for so long. I masked my depression, bipolar, ocd, and whatever else the doctors say I have with booze and drugs for so long that these past 4  years of sobriety has been hell without my usual coping method.  My depression has gotten worse with each year, and this past one has been a nightmare.  6 psych wards and hours in counseling, all the different meds, ECT, […]

I hate my life so much, ever since I was a little kid I’ve been a fat ugly bastard, I got tormented about it all the way from 1st grade up until sophomore year of high school. My junior year I started getting violent, I started listening to heavier music and would go to shows just to hit people, I wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t their little ***** anymore, I made sure I never left a show until I beat the shit out of someone. I come home almost every day and get yelled at by my dad, calling me out on my […]

I have been in an almost constant manic episode for weeks.

Usually they dont last this long. Im not sure why this is lasting so long.

I really am always surprised whenever I think I have hit rock bottom and I just keep on sinking and sinking.

It feels like bottomless pit.

With no possible way to get out of it.

I cannot sleep and I need to recharge my THC battery. I have to leave the house to do that. And I really wish I could. My anxiety is preventing me to go downstairs. I cannot leave. I am pathetic as fuck. Pathetic and disgusting. For fucks sake.

If anyone ever wants to talk my email is ashleyluvkittens@aol.com

well, i’ve barely been eating for about 2 weeks, and everyday i run a mile, wrestle for 2 hours, and play football for 2 hours, i’ve had about 5 hours of sleep in all, my girlfriend broke up with me, and all i want is the one thing i can’t find…………my knife

i’ve been cutting for years, but today was the first time i’ve had to literally mop up after myself

i feel sick and i’m scared that i lost so much blood when i wasn’t trying anything serious

i feel nauseous and light-headed and scared

i don’t know what to do

my arm’s wrapped in a towel and i’m not bleeding, but i’m still scared

I always feel lonely. Sometimes I crave for human contact. I dont know how to get it. I ***** about people trying to get attention the wrong way but I dont know what the right way is.
Do you say to a person “Im lonely. I feel like talking. ” ?
what do you do?
Sitting and hoping someone will notice me and talk to me is useless. I know that.

So, why do I sit here, every day, hoping someone will notice me and talk to me?

I’ve set my date. It’s tomorrow.

I’ve set it so many times before. I keep putting it off. Dragging my feet. But life isn’t looking like sparkles anytime soon. Well, not life in general. Just me. Life could be sparkles. I don’t think I can see it again though. I’ve lost the art of experiencing joy. There’s no point not living; existing and living are two different things, and I can’t bear the former. Can’t walk the edge of the knife forever. Have to choose a side at some point.

When I look out the window, it’s fall. Fall is my favorite season. The air is crisp, and I […]

I cut again today. It’s been 2 months since I last cut. I don’t know what happened I was feeling happy one minuete then I just got so upset because I remembered something someone said today. one of my own friends is always complaining and then when I complain once she says all I ever do is complain. and I realized what I think about myself. Every time I see myself in the mirror I feel like smashing it. I’m a fat, fucking ugly as hell I hate myself because I’m a stupid son of a ***** who can’t do any damn thing rightI am a […]

Whats the point of hanging on? Does it get any better? I’ve been hanging on, but nothing is getting any better. I just don’t see the point of fighting through all of these emotions only to feel like crap every single second of every single day. Is there a reason for me to stay? Cause I honestly can’t see the point of living anymore and I don’t want to either. I seriously 100% believe that suicide is what is right.