This is just a tangent of my thoughts about some stuff I recently read; it’s not a formal argument, not a concise scientific treatise on the topic, nor is it meant as authoritative in any way. I’m just a weird guy and I have weird thoughts, so here’s a bit of them for your reading pleasure or displeasure. I apologize if I give you migraines.

The world is a really weird place sometimes.

So, after a long stint of casual reading, I came across some articles on the rapid explosion of mental illness in Micronesia. Of course, it’s mostly conjecture – I don’t think there’s a lot […]

I hide my feelings all the time.. i act like i dont care but i do.. i cry myself to sleep everynight.. ill lay there.. and think.. thinking is the worst.. i get myself more upset.. i feel like if i tell people whats wrong.. they will know how to get to me… And even if i did tell someone would they care or would they even listen to what i have to say? Is there someone that will truly listen and care about me….? Im not a mean person but everyone seems to hate me and not give a crap about me… it sucks.. […]

So im in 10th grade.. At school im a loner.. I used to be popular.. People talk shit and now im just there all alone… im suposedly prego… im a baby killing whore.. im a slut.. im a red headed troll.. im fat.. im ugly.. everyone hates me.. i went to the office about it and they just said its high school.. everyone goes thru it … i dont want to even go back.. on top of that.. im in love with this kid.. i know i know im to young to be in love but.. its just i get a feeling when im around […]

When I am left with only myself, its bad. No one should be left alone with me. I just stare at a wall and think, think about all the bad things. My head is the worst place to be, and thats where I find myself a lot. Thinking. When I think I do actions like cutting, I think of ways I could kill myself. I shouldn’t be left to my own thoughts.

I haven’t felt joy in years. I have no friends. I have no family. Nobody besides co-workers would miss me if I killed myself. I hate my life something awful.

I run or lift weights every day. I quit smoking nine months ago. I quit drinking six months ago. I get plenty of sleep every night. I got on an online dating service. I go out twice a week and try to be social. I do all right. I talk to people. They usually seem to like me fine. I’ve seen a therapist. She was nice and smart, but ineffectual. My diet is filled with healthful […]

Nothing to say really…I’m so lonely my life sucks. Lonely even in a room of people. I don’t have friends. I gave em all up. My smile is a big fake. I’m not really sure what I mean.

Society makes it a priority to embed itself into the youth through the school system, through television, through the popular media. Shaping perception, establishing a conflation between ‘need’ and ‘want.’ Ensuring you and I spend our entire lives trying to keep up with the Jones.

The trouble is, if you drop out of the race, because you realize there’s no point in it, you begin to hate yourself. You hate your body. You hate your voice. You hate your face. You hate the things about you that are different than the Jones.

Fuck the goddamn Jones.

And fuck society.

You are society.

The Jones […]

As hard as this is to type for me, I’ll give it a shot.  I am a brain cancer survivor, but the last 10 years have been a misery for me.  Sure, I may have gotten “cured” in 2003, but the lingering effects of my three brain surgeries and radiation treatments still linger nearly 10 years after I was “cured.”  My eyes are all fucked up and they get strained and hurt so badly when I try to even move them.  This leads me to extraordinary headaches that have turned my life into a living hell.  I’ve had to drop out of college 3 times, […]

Can someone tell me what to do. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t work my way through a day smiling and laughing and hiding fucking everything. I cannot pretend to be okay because it’s taking over my life and it hurts. I don’t think I want to die, but I feel like it’s going to take me.

I try to see the never forever but it eludes me. My kids tell stories that make me feel like I failed them. I tried the best I could. I still do. I honestly don’t think they’d care much if I wasn’t around. When I kid about that I get “OH STOP”. I guess it’s good minds can’t be read. I try to talk to Jeff about my feelings and he just blanks out. He thinks it’s his fault somehow. So far from the truth but impossible to make a convincing argument.

WELL YESTERDAY I SEPNT THE WHOLE DAY AQUIRINING THE SUPPLIES NEEDED….I BOUGHT A ******** TANK FOR OLIE 140 AT A VELDING SPOIT,,,,TOLLD THEM I WAS TRYING MY LUCK AT WINE TAPPING…AND THEN I WAS SENT TO A A PLACE THAT SPECIALIZED IN ALL OHE TUBBINGS….SORRY ABOUT MY SPELLING MISTAKES…I HAVE FAKDN A LOT OF KLOLOPIN…SO I DECIDED THAT FIRDAY WOOULD BE THE DAY…I M GONNA GET A MASSAGE TP RELAX ME AND SOME WIME AS WEE…HAVE SOME GREAT STEAK AND SMOKE MY FINLA CIGARETTE….AND THEN DO THE ******** GAS TANK EXIT WAY….BEFORE THAT…I DEDIDD RO TAKE SOME SLEEPIN PILLS BEFORE AND SEE IF I WOULD […]

I’m so sorry I failed you I honestly don’t now where our friendship went wrong. Could blame it on rose ad say that she stole you form me by I was e one who said we should give her a chance and be nice to her. Maybe it was with the fight over springbreak but I can’t even remember what it was a about anymore. I’m so sorry that you feel that you have o replace me but jut knownthe reason I didn’t invite you was because it wasnonly my dance friends okay we barely see each other anymore and I wanted to hangout with […]

I have this sort of major issue I realized with my exit plan. What should I do with my dog, cat, pony, and horse? I have no idea how much time could pass before someone finds me after I go. I don’t want to leave a note with anyone I know regarding them bc I don’t want to single anyone out to deal with the immediate aftermath of my death. I also don’t want it to somehow sabotage my plan.

I’m almost thinking I should bring the horses to my neighbor’s pasture while she’s a work. And drop my […]

This is it America, Monday night Football on NBC; the stars come out to shine…

and da BEAR ARE GONNA BEAT THE STARS OUTA THE LIONS!!!!So don’t be an emo or a suicide or you will miss this shit yo!

I am lost under the weight of my own insignificance and impotence (not sexually speaking, mind you).

Life is some kind of joke.

I am the punchline.

I don’t even know if I am posting this in the right spot or if anyone will even see it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a normal kid. Early 20’s.. apparently decent life. But I seriously wish I were dead. I may not struggle financially thanks to my parents (I do not live at home, but they financially support me. pay my rent, etc.) I do work, though. I have never posted about this stuff online and I don’t even know how to word whats going on in my head. I may not struggle financially and sometimes I feel like god gave […]

I find my self made cuts/scrapes on my arm to be beautiful. I like looking at them.

I actually feel really proud of myself for making them. (even though I’m proud of them I still try to hide them from my family)

Is that weird? ..

Sigh, although I  like them, I still feel like I’m crazy because I did that to myself.  I feel like I am not okay in the head now because I was willing to do this … I don’t know, I’m thinking that was my first and last time though. Overall, I love these healing cuts. Love them

you know its intresting.I start to think more about what if i do succede what my death will mean if it actually happens.and a little bit o topic okay ive heard a lot of people saying barbiturates are the only medication that will kill you not you.Ive overdosed a lot in the past when im not cutting or burning or drinking nasal spray.I almost died from the use of sleeping pills and lithium which i was taken off of right after.Now i find there are different types of suicide.Some people i wouldnt consider suicidal cause there just bored with life its not really emotion.Some people […]

Considering abortion is making me think the only way out of this is death.

I feel so depressed right now…my dreams are becoming more and more of a nightmare…pulling me into a web of confusion, fear, and paranoia…my inner demons are starting to come out to play, more and more…howling for me to end it…to end my life…the hell I’m living is my life…no one cares anymore…not even her…nobody would miss such a shallow, depressed being…so why live anymore when the knife is just a couple of inches away from me…? It’s taunting me…wanting me to reach over and grasp it, to see if I have the guts to do it…one day…I might just do that…but for now, I’ll […]