tired
ignored
forgotten
stupid
broken
alone
scarred
cut
bare
done.
These past few weeks have been tough. I got help, got a counsler, and I’m switching from public school to cyber school. I expected some things to be a little better… Nothing is, except the fact that in about two weeks I won’t have to get up five days a week and go to school. I’ll miss some people. I’m still extremely suicidal. But at least now I geuss people are aware. I’ve been having horrible anxiety attacks. Sleep insomnia is my new best friend. Even though I hate it. Nothing’s got better. Getting help does absolutely nothing.
Even if i fucking hung myself today, I seriously don’t think anyone would give a fuck. My mum and dad, they’d get over it, cry at the burial and then move on with their lives. My friends pfft, like anyone would even turn up to say goodbye yeah cos i  don’t even have real friends. Everyone that knew my name, oh Rip teenage girl, and then not give a fuck. Seriously don’t think I would  be missed. I don’t believe i need to be part of the world.
Pretending has become a daily routine. Pretending to be happy, to be normal, to be me. When inside I’m breaking, shattering, cracking. Nobody knows me as the sad one. Everyone knows me as the one who makes everyone happy. If I’m not wearing a smile on my face people ask me what’s wrong. Maybe I just don’t want to wear that stupid fake smile anymore. Maybe I’m tired of making everyone else happy when I don’t have happiness. Maybe I’m so sick and tired of having to hold everyone else above water when I’m the one drowning. It’s so super hard being this person. The […]
Here, I wanted to share this with you.
While you stay, sit and bask in the sun.
It is my favorite place to go.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_mL05yyBoGJk/S-bepBQnXpI/AAAAAAAAAGM/2XH_OXfA8bc/s1600/123.jpg
Everything is a joke. Everyone’s feelings, everyone’s jobs and life and family, it’s all a joke. This is how a person is expected to live life: Born (to parents who are married and of the same race, with good jobs and a big house. You were a planned child, of course) You go through school with one sibling 2 years apart from you. You go through school, participating in sports and make good grades. You go through college, majoring in some 4 year degree and having an occasional bullshit party. Your college is paid for by your almost retired parents, of course. You find your […]
Life feels pointless. There are no words. I could die now and not feel a thing.
my parents seperated when i was six. since then, my mother has been trying to make my life a living hell. i lived with my dad, stepmom and their 3 children until recently, but higher authority decided i need to live with my mother. shes abusive and an alchohol addict. plus her boyfriend abuses me and my brother whenever he ‘feels like it’. we are trapped her for a maximum of two YEARS. i cannot live like this. were not even allowed to contact my dad. nobody will give me any anwers, but they expect me to give them many. my bestfriend left me when […]
I don’t always love myself. Sometimes I don’t even know why other people like me so much, but I don’t know what to say. I’m trying damn it, I’m trying. Taking in each moment, and never holding on to anything that does not benefit me in any way. Someday I’ll surpass this struggle and life will never be “in the box”.
I guess I am just unnoticed where ever I go, I might as well get used to it.
It’s sad really that I’m young, and so ready to die. I don’t think that I desvere to post on here really, I’ve never tried to kill myself. Too pathetic. I think about dying, quite a lot really oh and food. calories.calories.calories.calories. I was diagnosed with ‘anorexia’ 6 months ago. I don’t look anorexic, not like a ‘proper anorexic’. I go to therapy once a week, nod my head and pretend I’m fine. But I’m falling apart. I’m sure none of you will even carry on reading this, thanks if you are. I am worthless, stupid, ugly and not to mention FAT. FAT FAT FAT […]
I don’t get it….does anyone listen? Even for a second of what I am saying? I don’t know, wait yeah I do and now that I think of it no one understand what I am trying to say…Okay let me spell this out, I am hurt! I-A-M-H-U-R-T. My heart has been shattered and I want it fixed back. There, I got it out…I said it.
I need that friend….One that is willing to listen no matter how bad the problem may be, that won’t leave me alone for a week to worry about and will talk to me when I still need them, I need someone that is willing to trust me and won’t feel they are getting to close to me, I need that friend that will sit there and listen and won’t try to give me advice. I need someone who is real and won’t lie to me no matter how badly it may hurt me…I just need a friend…that will notice me, and care about me, and […]
WHY WHY WHY
why try to help everyone? It takes my mind off things i feel better to a extent,
though i noticed when im the one feeling alone the most…..out of all my ‘friends’
there is not a single one who is willing or i feel can help me ..
NOT ONE!
I just want one of them to ask me if im okay instead of being selfish,
i ask them if they r okay ..they tell me there problems i try my utmost best to help..but all is in vain because
i cannot solve the world, i cant perform miracles if i could i would…but i can’t
…………..
my family recently found […]
tonight feels like the night. everything is at its worst. I must go to school tomorrow, face sitting alone and all the people who have turned on me during this short holiday. I don’t want to go back… i dont want to be here anymore, im doing no good being here, im worthless.. tonight may be the night… i attempt.
i love you all.
I really don’t know how to start this,
I fell in love with a girl i couldn’t call my own. We had all these plans like getting married and all this. She was the one i want and she still is. She quit talking to me for about a minth. And i fell apart. I started cutting after not doing it for a year. She didn’t leave my mind. She was always there, we talked 24/7. And the thoughts lingered in my head and they never leave. She left without saying goodbye. I wrote her and she replied a week later. Saying […]
Why is it that the girl i love the most either helps me out of my depressions, or brings me to my knees? And also random question (sorry ADD) but why can some birds fly and others can’t?
Why I must I fuck up in the tiniest way, and lose friends over it? I just don’t understand why people can’t take jokes. In the end I end up all alone anyway, so whats the fucking point of existing when no one wants me included in their life?  And then when i’m finally excepted, I fuck it up? And because they have more friends, they dont give 2 shits about  what happens because they have a back up plan. But me? I may have about 1 friend, and I’ve just lost them, over some stupid tripping incident which narrows it down to I AM […]
I do believe I’ve begun to talk to myself as if someone else is there. I’m talking to a pretend someone who will help me with my problems. Except I woke up last night on the verge of a panic attack with just an aching feeling of grief and loneliness, hopelessness, worthlessness. I just moaned and threw myself around in circles because no matter what, the aching never left
Okay so I won’t tell you my name just incase someone reading this knows me. I randomly found this website just before searching up suicide things on google. Anyway I am a seventeen year old girl living in New Zealand. I have been diagnosed with depression by a doctor and people tell me all the time they think I suffer from other disorders like bipolar and OCD and others like that.
I have three half-brothers and one half-sister as well as a full sister. I have met two of my half-brothers about three time. My other half-brother and my half-sister don’t even know that I exist. […]